Check Please!
Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

The United States Postal Service announced today that the long overdue commemorative stamp issue celebrating the two-term presidency of Barack Obama are now on sale at most USPS locations.
Looking to beef up his team of attorneys, the president turned to the 6'7" wrestling superstar to take down the Mueller investigation. Or at least get it hung up on the ropes.
Seeking to "stem the flow of rumor and innuendo", Donald Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani acknowledged the existence of a non-disclosure agreement between the President and Barkie the dog, a Corgi who Trump reportedly spent part of an afternoon with during the run-up to the 2016 election.
After a sleepless night of overwhelming anxiety, Americans staggered from their beds and into the teeth of another relentless assault of breaking news.
Washington DC – (satireworld.com)

The Democratic National Committee (DNC) chaired by Tom Perez has sent out a Request for Proposals (RFP) to all 50 states to bid on constructing a suitable monument to the 44th POTUS, Barack Obama. The selected monument must be “shovel ready!” This measure was necessary because the federal government has refused to add Mr. Obama to Mount Rushmore located in South Dakota.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - This week’s issue of TIME magazine features the world’s strongmen on its cover and main story.  U.S. President Donald Trump is not among them, but the Philippines’ Rodrigo Duterte is. Today, Trump called Duterte to congratulate him for being afforded the rare honor along with Russian President Vladimir Putin,…
Morgan, Kansas (satireworld.com)

A Kansas man attempting to insert his penis into the tailpipe of a car had to be subdued with a stun gun after refusing to listen to police.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - Grab, the now monopolistic alternate mode of commute for Filipinos, can be very convenient for most people.  But it can also be very inconvenient for drivers. An inconventient truth happened recently when a drunk passenger groped the Grab driver before the latter drove him to a police…
". . . oh Lord, give succor to the poor, but not in the form of Food Stamps, which only heightens dependence on the already strained Federal budget . . ."
HOLLYWOOD, California (The Adobo Chronicles, Los Angeles Bureau) - Black actress Issa Rae is in hot water after excerpts of her not-too-new book surfaced on social media. Rae wrote in her book that  Filipinos are the Blacks of Asia, encouraging Black women to  date Asian men, but not Filipinos. In an exclusive interview with The Adobo…
London’s Natural History Museum has been forced to rethink the entry requirements for its Wildlife Photographer of the Year awards as, once again, a prizewinning entry has been disqualified.
Remarks made by the President earlier this week disparaging paralympic athletes have actually reinforced his standing among those who support him, once again confounding the expectations of the rest of the country, a new pair of polls show.
Chicago, Ill – (satireworld.com)
According to the online news source most favored by clueless douchebags, the Huffington-Post reports that Illinois Congressman Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-Ill) accused Republicans on Thursday of spreading “outright lies and exaggerations” during the current border crisis, particularly statements that unaccompanied minors from Central America might be bringing Ebola into the U.S.
QUEZON CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - Now that the closure of Boracay Beach Resort has come and rehabilitation has begun, Philippine President Rodrigo Dutete has focused his attention on the University of the Philippines, the state-funded learning institution. Duterte issued Executive Order No. 69, ordering the immediate closure of the Diliman and other…
The Kremlin has angrily accused the British Government of assassinating an ex-MI6 double agent, resident in Moscow. Theresa May has denied British involvement and listed 194 alternative countries that might have been responsible.
Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com)
Rosie O’Donnell announced today that she was not upset by Miley Cyrus’s performance at MTV’s VMA Awards by paraphrasing President Barack Obama and saying “If I had a son, he’d look like Miley Cyrus.” Miley upset viewers everywhere by bumping and grinding (now called “twerking” by the texting generation) and then constantly rubbing her crotch suggestively with a foam finger during a musical performance at the awards show.
Washington DC: (satireworld.com) House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) tweeted to her constituents that she now wholeheartedly supports the NRA! ‘After a lot of soul searching and discussions with my US House leadership team of 1st “Horse Holder” Representative Steny Hoyer (D-MD) and 2nd “Horse Holder” Representative James Clyburn (D-SC) we have concluded it is the right thing to do.’
NYC, NY – (SatireWorld.com): A New York attorney suspected of laundering dirty money who says he ‘never stepped a foot inside the bouncing Check Republic’ will play schtum before the law courts his lawyer said today.
"Unlike some places, Dunkin' Donuts welcomes all races through its doors without prejudice or discrimination," Dunkin' Donuts Spokesman Riley Lahler remarked. "Black, White, Mexican, Oriental, everybody is family at Dunkin'."

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