Check Please!
The barbwire tattoo around this douchebag's arm essentially screamed, "None of my shirts have sleeves and I punch walls when I get insecure about my small penis!"
Richard Curtis, writer of such rom-com classics like ‘Notting Hill’, ‘About Time and ‘Four Weddings And A Funeral’, has revealed that his next movie will center around a woman dropping an unflushable log down the toilet of her date’s luxury apartment along the South Bank. The shooting of the movie is almost complete with Hugh...
Washington—The Department of Education plans to rollback Obama-era sexual assault guidelines in an effort to protect some harmless college antics and pranks. Education Secretary Betsy Devos is leading the charge to decriminalize all ‘pre-rape’ offenses and instances of inadvertent penetration. DeVos told the press today, “Not all miss-conduct is the fault of mister-conduct. Sometimes shit happens in locker rooms…
This Trumpian folly of a border wall is not needed and won’t work. How much of our money does Donald Trump want to pour into his xenophobic fantasy of erecting an impenetrable wall on our Mexican border? The big-businessman-turned-president insists that costs be damned — just build it!

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After losing the 2016 Presidential Election to Republican Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton announced her intentions to become a Clergyman, rather than a Nun. Hillary has established the Church of Demonic Hillary and intends to build a 20,000 seat Mega-Church building (federal tax free) on her property, funded by the new Bill and Hillary Clinton Religion Foundation. The building would be collocated with former President Obama’s HUD Section 8 Housing and Homeless Shelter. (The poor Clinton’s have sold their summer house in “The Hamptons” for $29 million.)
A comprehensive update on the whereabouts of the players on everybody's favorite 50s sit-com.
Reportedly nearly seven minutes long and utilizing various graphs and charts generated on Microsoft Excel, the son-in-law to the President's four-slide PowerPoint presentation quantifying his progress on such assignments as brokering peace in the Middle East, solving the nation's opioid epidemic, reforming the criminal justice system and serving as a liaison to the Middle East, China and Mexico was later released to the press.
Cher maintained, “I don’t care whether they’re gypsies, tramps, or thieves. Half-breeds? I’ll take as many as I can. I’m urging my fellow celebrity friends to open their homes to these kids too.”
SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) - For many decades, San Francisco's skyline was ruled by the TransAmerica Building.  No tourist will leave the City by the Bay without a selfie in front of the obelisk-shaped tower. Not anymore. Here comes San Francisco's newest and future tourist attraction: The Millennium Condominium Tower.  It's…
Our top-rated Fantasy Foot Rub picks are in for this week. Find out who we picked and why.
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Doctors at Queen Alexandra Hospital have used 3D printing technology to replace most of a man’s missing skull in an innovative procedure including Super Glue that is sure to revolutionize orthopedic surgery.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - The Internet was abuzz with reports that ABS-CBN News TV journalist Karen Davila has said that the "Dutch and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting a third child. She was referring to an announcement from the Royal Palace in London that Princess Kate is pregnant. Davila categorically denied that…
SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) - One would think it would never happen again -- the wrong pageant winner being crowned. But it did, just like it happened in the Miss Universe Pageant when host Steve Harvey announced the wrong winner (Miss Colombia instead of Miss Philippines.) Well, that's now behind us,…
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - As recently announced by President Rodrigo Duterte, the Marcos family has agreed to return both cash and some gold to the government. Today, Malacañang received the first shipment of the returned gold from the Marcoses. (See photo)
The internet's largest pornography website announced today that it will join other corporations in making a sizable donation to Hurricane Harvey relief funds.
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There were scenes of devastation outside the United Nations Plaza today amid a protest by forty thousand of the UN’s 44,000 payroll staff who have suddenly been given the sack.
A very sad and poignant chapter. But not without hope. Mourning, not without hope. The poem from Kipling is real. As for Saul’s poem, see this: Did you catch Saul’s other poem, at the end of Volume II? The imam frowned as Jim gazed up at him innocently. “We are busy now. We are […]
A new problem is on the rise in this techie world of ours: lifeguards texting at public pools. Get the hell off your phone and back to your minimum wage toil!
East European countries are vowing to reintroduce vowels to their languages. ‘Vowels have been endangered in Eastern Europe since before the Second World War,’ said Crystoph ZZvlynski, of the Polish Vowel Research Unit in Warsaw. ‘We have them, some are in our names, but we use them lss and lss.’ Some vowel historians blame increasing...
Houston, TX—Justin Russell of Bellaire remains trapped on a Whataburger rooftop since Hurricane Harvey savaged the Houston area last Friday. The man claims to be struggling with weight gain, lethargy, and excessive flatulence. He told the Discord, “Look, I’ve watched the film Supersize Me, so I know I don’t have a lot of time! I can feel my arteries…

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