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Traveling at approximately 75,000 kilometers-per-hour, the asteroid could have brought an end to all life on earth, scientists say, a potential it failed to live up to when it missed the planet by over a million miles.
































































 
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Armed with a Flowflex Rapid Antigen Test purchased at a local drugstore, 34-year-old Michael Pallardy of Fresno, California made the discovery of SARS-CoV2 up his butt after he inserted the swab provided with the kit into his rectum instead of his nostril, he revealed.
































































 
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The third annual MegaCruise, a heavy metal-themed ocean cruise headlined by thrash-metal band Megadeth, registered its 30th death from COVID-19 yesterday.
































































 
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Sen. Joe Manchin, D-WV defended his decision to not support the Build Back Better legislation today, citing his belief that parents would likely use child tax credit payments to buy food.
































































 
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Mayfield Consumer Products, owner of a candle factory in Mayfield, Kentucky whose destruction by a tornado Friday resulted in the deaths of 8 of its workers, issued an apology today for the delay in candles to market that the company's loss of production will cause.
































































 
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Appearing last night at a red carpet for her upcoming film "Don't Look Up" - a comet-set-to-destroy-the-Earth movie in which she evidently plays the comet - the 31-year-old actress mystified in a floor-length curtain that concealed everything but her apparent newfound love for carbohydrates.
































































 
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One day after hearing arguments from the state of Mississippi seeking to affirm its legislature's judgment that abortion should be banned after 15 weeks of pregnancy, the Supreme Court will hear a case from California calling for the expansion of abortion rights to as long as 664 weeks.
Joining the ranks of Woolworth's and Ace Hardware, automotive chain Pep Boys announced today that they will no longer offer abortion services at any of their Texas locations.
































































 
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At least two dozen were injured yesterday when a crowd attending the Rhythm Fest Music Festival in Reno, Nevada tried to escape a surprise performance by Counting Crows.
































































 
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If you live in Lifetime movie and aren't a fan of drama, you're out of luck! The good news is that you likely enjoy a lifestyle well beyond your means with a teenage daughter who is essentially good, but who has her share of problems. The bad news is that a psychotic maniac is likely to soon burst that bubble of suburban tranquility with a nefarious scheme to steal your life. To help, the following are some rules to live by for you and your friends in dealing with your incredibly melodramatic lives





















Geraldine Futcher of Conway, Texas realized her lifelong dream of dying of a preventable disease Tuesday when she passed away from complications related to COVID-19.
































































 
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Rick Huggins, a lifetime public servant and decorated combat veteran, is all but certain to run for Senate in Virginia next year, a prospect that is keeping some within the GOP up at night.
































































 
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A local man is in police custody today after the corpses he was using to decorate his front yard for Halloween were determined by members of his homeowner's association to be actual dead bodies.
































































 
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As the dust settles in the aftermath of former Raiders Head Coach Jon Gruden's forced resignation in a landslide of racist, anti-gay and misogynistic emails, the NFL has vowed that it will continue to humiliate the subjects of those emails by releasing their contents to the public.
































































 
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In today’s multicultural world of openness and enlightenment, it is more important than ever to recognize the boundaries of ownership when it comes to fashion. Groups who first adopt a style thereby forever own that style, and emulating it if you are not part of that group is a grave insult. Unlike the well-defined rules of physical and intellectual property however, the rules of cultural appropriation are often murky. The following is a diagram designed to help clarify which fashions belong to whom, and which might be shared by multiple races such that members of those races can avoid being
Included in a lengthy document issued by the ruling authority in Afghanistan, the edict also required women to be covered from head-to-toe at all times while banning men from wearing clothes at all.
































































 
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Known in his hometown as Connor the Conservationist, eleven-year-old Connor Grady's submission to his Middle School's Environmental Science Fair received a mixed response this week, raising a few eyebrows but also several hundred dollars after he proposed to help curb climate change by murdering millions of people.
































































The state of Texas rescinded a controversial new abortion law today after a study showed that a majority of the babies it would save would likely grow up to vote Democrat.
































































 
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Simultaneously excited and repulsed, many Americans are experiencing mixed feelings over a California court ruling siding with Britney Spears' conservatorship that will force her to perform at Super Bowl LVI.
































































 
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Epitomizing effortless lifestyles in LA's bourgeoning warehouse district, this newly constructed one-bedroom starter is being listed for the competitive price of $1.2 million































































 
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