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DALLAS (The Barbed Wire) - The first step toward recovery, no matter what the addiction, is admitting you have a problem. Glenn Beck has finally reached rock bottom and agreed to seek professional help for his out-of-control Cheetos habit. Beck's admission came just after releasing a video of himself diving face first into a big bowl of crushed Cheetos.
New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com)

The popular series of the The Holy Jihad Comic Books have broken publication records that spanned four decades. With the introduction of ‘Burka Madness’ and the second edition, ‘Infidels Invade the 7-11’, a second and third work shift of printers had to be hired to keep up with demand from retailers around the world.
Last minute negotiations with the government to quash an extended weekend have fallen apart. Whilst the retired, the sensible and those with poor personal hygiene have done whatever the hell they want for 72 hours, everyone else - unable to master birth control - was left with 3 hellish Groundhog Days of cleaning things up, continuous yelling - pausing only to wipe their own tears.
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
Countless degenerates who derive entertainment from inciting people on the internet with outrageous comments and false claims say they’re steering clear of Beyoncé fans, insisting they’re too frightening when provoked.
Chicago, IL (SatireWorld.com)

There is finally conclusive evidence that Osama bin Laden and Muammar Qaddafi are really dead. Yesterday, they both registered to vote in the city of Chicago.
The Pentagon – (SatireWorld.com)

History was re-written today when Cmdr. David Montgomery’s tell all book concerning the successful Navy SEAL Team 6 raid on the Osama Bin Laden compound last year. It seems it was lead by a former president and he’s the one that plugged Bin Laden with a carefully aimed head shot.
OXFORD, MISS. — The University of Mississippi has awarded former Rebels offensive linemen Laremy Tunsil with a PhD in co…
The WSC final is being competed between England’s Mark Selby and China’s Ding Junhui, two men who have both been ranked as the best snooker player in the world at one time or another. Such a hotly contested final is guaranteed to lull millions of Brits into a day-long hypnotic state of hazy boredom.
A SELECTION OF OUR MOST PRESTIGIOUS AWARDS

National Arguing Championships, Taurus Argument Of The Year, 2013

Cute Animals In A Sagittarius Horoscope August 2014, The Cutest Animals In The World On YouTube Online Video Clickers Group

Best Horoscope Service Made Into A Musical Of The Year 2015

Geronimo! Yahoo! and Yikes! in a Horoscope, April 2014, The National Institute For The Promotion Of Exclamation Grammar
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - For the first time since the start of the 2016 U.S. presidential election campaign, President Obama hinted that his wife, First Lady Michelle Obama, is running for Vice President. Obama made the revelation during Saturday night's White House Correspondents' Dinner. Looking directly at the stunning First Lady, Obama…
Fitbit has released a new sexual activity tracker capable of allowing moral values parents to monitor and enforce their teenagers' commitment to premarital abstinence.
A bright green bottle of herbal bath oil has been won for the hundredth time after being donated as a raffle prize an average of five times a year for each of the past 20 years. Initially bought as a present for a teacher in Gloucester’s St Swithin's Primary School in 1996, the prize is still in perfect condition, never having been opened by any of its temporary owners.
Thus far Megyn Kelly is refusing to don the gold bikini for The Donald.
It was a notion of mine that The Meddler would backstory (a new verb?) as autobiographical. I was right. Lorene Scafaria’s new so-titled film — written and directed by her — is about Ms. Scafaria’s Mom. Susan Sarandon plays Mom. Her name is Marnie Minervini.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Speaking at Saturday night's White House Correspondents' Dinner, President Barack Obama finally revealed his choice of presidential candidate to succeed him when he leaves office in January next year. And it is not Hillary Clinton. Obama's announcement shocked not just his audience but also the candidate he officially…
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - The Philippines already holds the record of social media capital and selfie capital of the world, and now it is aiming for yet another Guinness honor -- that of SPAM capital of the world. Filipinos are using social media platforms 53 hours a week. That’s a whole 11…
Slayermen continued, "The Democratic presidential frontrunner deserves a fair investigation, and has the right to defend herself from people who may have details about their personal lives they would rather have the public not know about."
‘Too often radical thinkers such as myself are left with no choice but to hide in lofts or wander the diaspora, concealing their true identity for fear of how the majority will treat them,’ he said. ‘What we need is a new state where we can practice our ideology without fear of persecution.’
HADES – The Satanic Council today “totally rejected” claims by the “Satanist religious cult” that Lucifer or indeed any of its members were offended by John Boehner calling Ted Cruz “Lucifer in the flesh” and...

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