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Procrastination Not Covered Under Affordable Care Act

According to most psychologists, the underlying causes of procrastination are largely mental, and as such, are not covered under most major medical insurance or even standard health insurance policies. Unless, of course, you can prove that the procrastination caused a stress-related illness, such as a severe case of hives or even a nervous tic.

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NFL Star's Deal Inspires New York Jock Exchange

According to the Associated Press, Fantex plans to conduct an initial public offering of stock (Wall Street wheeler-dealers call this an IPO) after getting regulatory approval from the Securities and Exchange Commission, selling some 421,100 shares of stock at $10 apiece.

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Scientists Hard At Work Creating Monologues for New Lab-Grown Vaginas

With the advent of the first-ever vagina created in a lab, scientists are working around the clock to write appropriate monologues for the high-tech body part. One scientist on the project admitted, 'I didn't go into science to engage in creative writing, but my colleagues and I feel it is incumbent upon us to provide women who receive our synthetic vagina the same quality of monologues that other women enjoy.'

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Report Confirms Fingers All You Need to Type on Keyboard

The report shows that the body has somehow learned to carry out moderately high-level tasks apart from any brain function whatsoever. In order to prove this, the team of researchers put a Yahoo! Breaking News editor into a light coma and then placed a keyboard in front of him.

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Why Men Take So Long To Tie Our Own Shoes

Though I'm pretty confident with my skill to tie my shoes, at a brisk pace, I understand there are other places in the home where I might look around helplessly, stunned, as if someone asked me to quickly calculate the area under the curve of the Liberty Bell, whereas I've only been asked to locate the large, white, gallon milk jug in the refrigerator.

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Headlines - 04/16/2014

Humor Times

Ever since Flight 370 trail went cold, signs of life at CNN weakening: Only 30 days for it to find new disaster before it runs out of juice completely. #Flight370 #CNN

The Sleaze

olice Search Garage and Garden Shed of Maidenhead Prankster After Tip-Off That Hijacked Passengers Sold into Slavery at Local Chinese Restaurants! #MH370

The Adobo Chronicles

President Barack Obama’s upcoming visit to the Philippines later this month is being described as an effort to seal the friendship between Uncle Sam and Juan dela Cruz. Negotiations are underway to finalize a bilateral agreement that would increase U.S. military presence in what America considers as a strategic stronghold in the Asia-Pacific region. Obama and Philippine President NoyNoy Aquino are expected to sign the agreement while Obama will be in Manila.

Triple Action News

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Iron E-News

Obamacare registrations reveal record number of Americans share internet address with the Vice President. #obamacare

The Red Shtick

The head of the Louisiana Republican Party and Gov. Bobby Jindal are calling for Rep. Vance McAllister to step down for not having the decency to pay for a hooker.

The World's Voice of Reason

"Had Lassie done that in the movies she would have been telling them a valuable clue."

The Newsosphere

Today I am interviewing one of the most popular holiday icons – the Easter Bunny!

NewsBiscuit

By intensively 'pumping' carbon into the atmosphere over the last 40 years, developed nations continue to sexualise the act of pollution.

Recoil magazine

hard 2 describe w/o talking but ud jst have 2 b urself n answer sum Q?s

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