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Pfizer, Walmart, Apple Claim Religious Objection to Paying Taxes

Exxon Mobil announced that it had religious objections to cleaning up oil spills. It also announced that, as a person, it would appreciate it if people would be courteous enough to hold the door for it when it was rushing to get on the elevator. It added that it was fairly certain that some people actually punched the 'close doors' button just to prevent it from getting on.

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Judge Declares Fast-Food Jobs Not Real; Industry Turns Existential

'If there's no job, then there's no meal. And if there's no meal, how could it possibly be a 'happy' one? What is happiness, after all??' he asked.

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Nose Picking In Your Car Now A Class 3 Felony In Five States

Governor Walker admits he knew this would not be one of his most popular pieces of legislation. 'I got together with some other local Governors and we all decided that this needed to happen. I was elected by the people to protect and serve. Not to be popular. This is in the best interest of the health of our people and frankly it will eliminate one of the most disgusting acts I can think of. Nothing will go fully into…

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Real Life Comes to Sudden, Poorly Resolved End

'So Aubrey's walking along one day and, whamo! She just gets flattened by a bus? That's pretty lame,' remarked Burkhart's friend Laura Sanders, 'I mean, what about her rekindled romance with Matt? Or her dream of becoming an interior decorator?'

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Ann Coulter, Trying to Top Self, Agrees to Pose for Playboy

Interviewed in her Manhattan apartment Coulter admitted that lately it had become harder and harder to gratuitously shock people. 'The trouble is, the GOP right wing has already occupied the best ridiculous positions, like letting people without health insurance die in the streets, so that by the time I get round to them they’re already old asshat.'

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Headlines - 08/20/2014

Iron E-News

Husband vents to mates about how wife always generalizes. #satire #humor

The Adobo Chronicles

Arkansas is now famous for two greats: Roosterfish and Bill Clinton.

The Sleaze

Were the Nazis Really the Good Guys? Were the Allied Leaders Really Child Sacrificing Satanists? Top Conspiracy Theorist Claims Conventional History a Deception to Conceal Incredible Truth!

Random Perspective

Amelie quizzes Sue about her latest invention

The World's Voice of Reason

"Hmmm. It's not quite a faily fail is it?"

mouthfrog

A little known fact but Kansas has produced more geniuses, or genui to MENSA members, than all other states combined.

The Red Shtick

Louisiana's X Games: Our top ten contestants were arrested and booked on suspicion of DWI according to The Advocate reports from July 1-31, 2014.

The Dandy Goat

I look at the events unfolding in #Ferguson, Missouri, and I just shake my head. In my day, #looting actually meant something.

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