Check Please!
There I was on the subway, minding my own business, when this skinny young thing who had been staring at me tapped my shoulder and said, “Excuse me, but I must confess that I cannot ignore your mass.”
A suspicious package found on the London Underground has been identified by police. A spokessnifferdog from British Transport Police’s anti-terror unit issued the following clarifying statement: “A package discovered on Saturday by a passenger at the eastern end of the Westbound platform at Clapham South station on the Northern line was regarded as suspicious. British...
How can I, a limited government constitutionalist, support Donald Trump? Especially when at times he seems akin to an unlimited government Mussolinist? Fair question. Lets first recall my political philosophy and contrast that with the political philosophy of Progressivism. As Zano would say, don’t worry, with jokes! Let’s start with my view that the Constitution…
Following Wednesday night’s disastrous debate performance, Donald Trump today blamed the “elitist, Clinton-loving Humor Times” for his defeat. “I can’t believe some of the stuff I read about myself in that nasty slut...
So you want to be a monster on social media? You want to run the world? You want to be a new deity that rules over your peasant loser hoards like the baddest daddy of them all?
Ed Balls dancing on Strictly Comes Dancing sums up Britain in 2016 following the Brexapocalypse, according to a Remoaner speaking last night.
The old adage ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ has been proven to be demonstrably false according to a leading team of researchers in Surrey and their 100 subjects.
The shit weasel made a nuisance of itself: running around the hospital and getting its deadly germs all over everything. Due to the risk it caused the patients, the hospital had to be shut down.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - While the rest of the world is still trying to figure out what exactly President Rodrigo Roa Duterte meant by "separating from America," both China and the Philippines today announced a new bilateral trade deal that will begin immediately. It is well known that China is the world's…
Washington, DC – (
Citing a vague reference to the US Constitution, President Barack Obama announced his latest Executive Order number 12556. The Executive Order will allow deceased persons to vote for the first time in US history providing next of kin can swear under oath that they are certain of the expired citizen’s political intentions.
CHICAGO, Illinois (The Adobo Chronicles, Indianapolis Bureau) -  The verdict is in.  The top fine dining restaurant in all of America is in Chicago!  It's called Alinea. Alinea bested hundreds of other highly-rated restaurants  from San Francisco to New York, from New Orleans to Orlando. The list was released by TripAdvisor, in its 2016 Travelers…
The three-year-old, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was stopped on her street after police observed her driving erratically.
LONDON, United Kingdom (The Adobo Chronicles, Berlin Bureau) - A new word has been added to the Oxford Dictionaries' 2017 edition.  That word is: duterte Many will immediately think of Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte when encountering this new word.  However, by definition, duterte is synonymous to hyperbole. Here's the new word entry that will appear in Oxford Dictionaries…
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump seems to be backing down from his earlier statements that he will accept the results of November's elections only if he wins. Today at 3 a.m, Trump took to his Twitter account to categorically state that he will accept his election…
An Oscar de la Rentboy AW16-17 padded straitjacket stole the show at the University of Nevada last night as Hillary Clinton channeled her inner Madam President psychosis. And Blue Dog Dems everywhere cried Jesus F***ing Wept.
Crawford, Texas – (
In an interview at his Crawford ranch, George “Dubya” Bush candidly spoke about his original cabinet selections when he begin his term of office as President of the United States of America. “When I went in to the White House in 2001, my advisors advised me that I should nominate Donald Rumsfeld for Secretary of Defense. He wasn’t my original pick for the job. The man I wanted to nominate was Captain Kangaroo.”
London(UK) – (
The White House and number 10 Downing Street have been twittering back and forth in the run up to the state dinner for Samantha Cameron and husband Dave to be hosted by American’s anti-royals, President and Mrs. Obama.
‘I hear people call them warships and I laugh. These ships contain food and medical supplies for the people of Syria, they’re friendships. If you think they look scary then you should see our real warships,’ said the Russian President.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - President Barack Obama is not giving up America's little brown that easily, despite pronouncements in China by President Rodrigo Roa Duterte that he wants to "separate" from the United States. In an effort to maintain the colonial and friendly relations between the two countries, Obama has invited Duterte…
Trump is said to be outraged over the snub after believing he was a sure thing to win the prestigious award.

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