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MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - While the rest of the world is still trying to figure out what exactly President Rodrigo Roa Duterte meant by "separating from America," both China and the Philippines today announced a new bilateral trade deal that will begin immediately. It is well known that China is the world's…
Washington, DC – (
Citing a vague reference to the US Constitution, President Barack Obama announced his latest Executive Order number 12556. The Executive Order will allow deceased persons to vote for the first time in US history providing next of kin can swear under oath that they are certain of the expired citizen’s political intentions.
CHICAGO, Illinois (The Adobo Chronicles, Indianapolis Bureau) -  The verdict is in.  The top fine dining restaurant in all of America is in Chicago!  It's called Alinea. Alinea bested hundreds of other highly-rated restaurants  from San Francisco to New York, from New Orleans to Orlando. The list was released by TripAdvisor, in its 2016 Travelers…
The three-year-old, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was stopped on her street after police observed her driving erratically.
LONDON, United Kingdom (The Adobo Chronicles, Berlin Bureau) - A new word has been added to the Oxford Dictionaries' 2017 edition.  That word is: duterte Many will immediately think of Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte when encountering this new word.  However, by definition, duterte is synonymous to hyperbole. Here's the new word entry that will appear in Oxford Dictionaries…
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump seems to be backing down from his earlier statements that he will accept the results of November's elections only if he wins. Today at 3 a.m, Trump took to his Twitter account to categorically state that he will accept his election…
An Oscar de la Rentboy AW16-17 padded straitjacket stole the show at the University of Nevada last night as Hillary Clinton channeled her inner Madam President psychosis. And Blue Dog Dems everywhere cried Jesus F***ing Wept.
Crawford, Texas – (
In an interview at his Crawford ranch, George “Dubya” Bush candidly spoke about his original cabinet selections when he begin his term of office as President of the United States of America. “When I went in to the White House in 2001, my advisors advised me that I should nominate Donald Rumsfeld for Secretary of Defense. He wasn’t my original pick for the job. The man I wanted to nominate was Captain Kangaroo.”
London(UK) – (
The White House and number 10 Downing Street have been twittering back and forth in the run up to the state dinner for Samantha Cameron and husband Dave to be hosted by American’s anti-royals, President and Mrs. Obama.
‘I hear people call them warships and I laugh. These ships contain food and medical supplies for the people of Syria, they’re friendships. If you think they look scary then you should see our real warships,’ said the Russian President.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - President Barack Obama is not giving up America's little brown that easily, despite pronouncements in China by President Rodrigo Roa Duterte that he wants to "separate" from the United States. In an effort to maintain the colonial and friendly relations between the two countries, Obama has invited Duterte…
Trump is said to be outraged over the snub after believing he was a sure thing to win the prestigious award.
Lahren said being groped, fondled, kissed, or otherwise sexually harassed against your will is a “small price to pay” to keep Hillary Clinton out of office.
Millions of Americans are preparing to dump any evidence that they were Donald Trump supporters after this election cycle.
Backstabbing Institute of America – (
Jane Fonda, long called Hanoi Jane by anyone who actually remembers the 60’s in anything other than a drugged out haze, has been voted the Top American Traitor of All Time in an independent news poll. The results of the poll, which will air on a new reality series to be titled “America’s Biggest Traitor,” had Fonda beating out such other famous people as Benedict Arnold, the Rosenburgs, and Aldrich Ames, and Michael Moore.
BEIJING, China (The Adobo Chronicles, Tokyo Bureau) - Filipinos, no more the little brown brothers of America. With no equal benefits. Speaking to the Filipino community in China’s capital on Wednesday, Duterte complained that Americans can enter the Philippines visa-free while Filipinos have a hard time securing a travel document to visit the US. Duterte said…
Is Hillary Clinton a sexual predator? The truth is finally
Government plans to break junior doctors' dispute by using blackleg alternative medical practitioners, including voodoo priests, spiritualists and shamans, revealed. Patients complain of use of animal sacrifices instead of pharmaceuticals.
Every stand up comedian has his own unique microphone grip. I’ve collected a comprehensive list of ALL the grips that are out there. Which one fits you?
‘It sounds fantastical but anyone who’s ever shook Piers’ hand knows this could very well be true. After you’ve shook his hand you’re left with this thick, gooey discharge on your hand that’s impossible to wash off. At first I just thought it was because he’s a wanker but this makes even more sense.'

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