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A sextortion email purportedly authored by the Coronavirus itself that blackmailed President Trump against taking action to stem the COVID-19 pandemic has been linked to Russian operatives, the FBI revealed today.
COVID-19 is no joke, Dave. Millions have been infected, hundreds of thousands have died, and its just getting started. People not adhering to public health guidelines to avoid crowds such as this Vanilla Ice rap performer is bound to attract has already caused a recent spike in cases, and as a result the country now stands on the brink.
FDA head Eric Trump announced today his discovery of a cure for COVID-19 he made from a combination of soft drinks from the soda bar of a Golden Corral this afternoon.
His poll numbers and approval ratings sagging amidst waves of social unrest and scandal, President Trump has caused many political strategists to scratch their heads by choosing to hold a rally in the middle of a deadly pandemic Saturday - all but assuring the deaths of dozens, if not hundreds or more of his own supporters.
The statue, a knife-wielding 5'4" likeness of the diminutive man otherwise known as "The Hitchhacker" or "The Red Neck Charles Manson" for his sadistic slaying of as many as 100 people, has stood near the entrance of the city's main highway since the year of his execution by electric chair in 1991.
One week after sister city Minneapolis defunded their own police department, the city council of St. Paul, Minnesota voted unanimously today to replace their entire police force with dogs.
WASHINGTON, D.C, (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - The White House has announced that Air Force One, the plane used by the president of the United States, will be renamed Pegasus, after the mythical winged divine horse which is one of the most recognized creatures in Greek mythology. Why the change of heart? Well, The Adobo Chronicles learned that…
Commencing at 0900 hours per the President's own tweet, the assault against the gathering of local residents buying and selling fruits, vegetables and organic personal care products reportedly cleared the market in mere seconds, leaving it a shattered landscape of ruined tables, canopies and crushed melons as people ran for their lives from the blitz of armored tanks and infantry.
As tensions continue to build between protestors and the police over the death of George Floyd two weeks ago, many across the nation find themselves yearning for the recent simpler times of only having to constantly worry about contracting COVID-19.
Pegg, a non-pussy who spent his last days fighting government overreach by forbidding patrons from wearing protective masks inside his bar, reportedly drowned in his own fluids like a real man.
President Trump once again got into a confrontation with a reporter during a White House press briefing this morning, this time questioning CBS News' Wanda Scifres existence.
One week after mobilizing the military to distribute a potential future vaccine against COVID-19, President Trump shocked the nation this morning when he announced that he has already approved just such a vaccine, and that widespread distribution among registered Democrats will begin immediately.
Top crime figures demand government lift lockdown to facilitate their members. Robberies, burglaries and street crimes at a standstill due to anti-Covid measures. Crime unions claim fewer people at home and more potential victims on the streets needed to kickstart UK crime.
Are celebrities exploiting captive audience provided by coronavirus lockdown? Accusations that inane celebrity videos driving housebound population to brink of insanity as instances of arson, attempted murder and suicide rise sharply.
Has the real Boris Johnson been replaced by clones? Journalist posits incendiary theory that Prime Minister actually died of Covid-19 and cloned by Tory Party to avoid public panic. As many as three Boris clones claimed to be on loose.
Small communities fearing panic buying bands of brigands might fall upon their local shops recruit mercenaries to protect their villages. Devon pensioners engage 'Magnificent Seven', while others employ mercenaries to to clear bandits threatening OAP supermarket shopping hours.
As UK goes into lockdown, popular culture struggles to deal with restrictions imposed by social distancing rules in order to ensure that it is show business as usual. Proposals for gossip columnists to simulate celebrity incidents with dolls while suggestions that football season be continued via Subuteo mooted.
Will Boris Johnson's much vaunted virility, as he gets another woman up the duff, prove to be his downfall? Top Labour spin doctor plans election broadcast simulating Prime Minister in bed copulating with a woman - believes public revulsion at sight of all those wobbling buttocks and horrendous grunting will persuade voters to abandon Boris.
Is coronavirus 'Fake News'? Conspiracy theories 'go viral' as President Trump claims Covid-19 is Chinese/Democrat conspiracy to discredit him, while UK conspiracy theorist claims virus is cover up for zombie apocalypse.
With a wide range of businesses and services remaining shuttered due to the Coronovirus pandemic, people are developing new skills for things they've previously hired others to do for them. From cooking their own pets to inking their own tattoos, folks are more self-sufficient than ever. Perhaps no DIY project is more important however than one's own mental health, as diagnosing and preventing any early-stage mental illness is more crucial than ever. The following are some tips for maintaining your mental and emotional well-being during these difficult times:

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