Check Please!
ARIES Mar 20 - Apr 19

Levitation, mind control and speed eating are all highly starred this month, and Jupiter is currently pondering the merits of taking control of your stomach around the 17th.

Periods of bed rest are highly starred, as are moments of stand up quarreling, especially now you can (temporarily) read your boss's mind. Tuesday may be the best time to ask for a raise...
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, New York Bureau) - When NBC announced that it was coming out with a new television sitcom about an American widower who takes a Filipina mail-order bride to help raise his kids, there were protests not only from the Filipino community but many women's groups.  Many had accused NBC…
Dozens of Bay Area protesters allied with the Black Lives Matter movement, along with members of an opposing group called All Lives Matter, were killed on Friday morning in a freak astronomical incident.

London, UK-(
BBC’s top cooking show hostess revealed on her blog how a cheap Chinese brassiere caused her to spend a few hours in the emergency room of the Royal Christian Hospital last weekend with a rather embarrassing injury.
The dishevelled, bearded gentleman can often be seen wandering the streets in a daze or sat on a park bench, anything to get out of the house.
Women in the conservative kingdom of Saudi Arabia are well on their way to enjoying the same rights as their male counterparts when it comes to hot new tech trends.
Mel and Sue have been named as the new joint manager of the England football team, after the FA agreed that they were already so rich as to be incorruptible and their total lack of knowledge of the game should not be an obstacle, as it had not been to the last five. ‘We are...
Anxiety is on the rise in this country and all this extra cortisol in the air is starting to stress me out. After reading a recent New York Times article I realized someone who knows about politics and anxiety should cover this topic ….with jokes! This NYT piece, which used Google-search trends as evidence, suggests our country’s recent stress-spike…
Bernie Sanders is, and has always been, a true progressive. He’s ALSO a very practical and smart political strategist, and knows the way forward. You say he let you down. You’re letting him, and the movement down, by being...
Bananaman is the alter-ego of Eric Twinge who gains special powers from eating bananas. While he was originally supposed to be a parody of superheroes, Hollywood says they will give Bananaman a gritty new edge.

New York City – (
Madonna joined her colleague Katy Perry in getting naked to encourage Americans to head to the polls on Election Day.
In photos posted to her Twitter account Wednesday morning, the 58-year-old “Vogue” artist shed her clothes to endorse Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton. Earlier this week singer Katy Perry shed her clothing in a statement calling for voters to ‘rock the vote’ and support Clinton’s presidential campaign.
SILICON VALLEY, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) - As a public service, we are publishing the lyrics to the new hit song by Julie Andrews, a remake of 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,' orginally from "Mary Poppins." It's a sing-along version:
NEW YORK – During the walk-through before the first presidential debate, Hillary Clinton pointed out something she didn’t think was appropriate on an American debate stage. She asked producers why there needed to be walls covered with graffiti behind both podiums on the big night.
The mainstream media declares war on 'fake news' - except the 'fake news' which appears in their own pages' Did the media ctually create the 'post truth' era it now rails against?
Blountstown, Florida – (
Residents and authorities in in the sleepy panhandle town of Blountstown, Florida, have been on high alert since a resident reported seeing two “creepy clowns” staring at her from across a road as she walked her dog. Calhoun County Sheriff deputies are concerned after it emerged that a Facebook viral video, depicting a clown standing silently on the side of the road in the dark, had been filmed along a main thoroughfare in the area.
Boris, whose football experience amounts to running into children and cropping a German in a charity game, is the only man left who wanted the job.
Deutsche Post purchased UK Mail for over £240 million and experts believe this could just be another step that leads to World War III.
"That dog is literally hotdog size." Jessie Krufts, Mulch Manager

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