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Tweet Tower—Members of President Trump’s White House are not enjoying themselves and this is becoming even more apparent when it’s their turn on the old chopping block. Whether staffers leave voluntarily or are forced out, parting Team Trump is such sweet sorrow …well, except the sweet part. This is why Chief of Staff General John Kelly was determined to…
We survived our Italian summer – it was tough, but someone’s got to do it! It’s hard to learn even the most basic tourist phrases of another language (hello; excuse me; pardon the fart; where is the toilet?; waiter, the check!; please remove your thumb from my nose) in 4 weeks.
Hope you’re enjoying the new quiz! How many did you get right last time??? 9. We go to battle against the plutocratic and reactionary democracies of the West. 10. If the middle class thinks that we are going to be their lightning rods, they are mistaken. 11. I am not some mere liberal movement… I […]
After I wrote my friend Dave a letter of recommendation, his dating dry spell ended immediately. Now I'm giving you permission to use the same template!
It is not clear what his motive was or if he will be formally charged by police, though a spokesman said that alcohol may well have been involved.
Mount Olympus—Apollo, the Roman God of the Sun, has taken responsibility for both the track of this week’s solar eclipse as well as the message it was meant to convey to all Americans. Apollo minced no words, “Up yours, United States! You have got to be the stupidest civilization we Olympians have ever visited, and you have no idea…
ANNOUNCER Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show. JERRY Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is the 42nd President of the United States Bill Clinton.
ATLANTA (AP) — Several satirical news Websites have filed suit in federal court in Atlanta against ESPN alleging the sports network has infringed on their intellectual property. The suit comes days after ESPN announced that the network was removing reporter Robert Lee from the University of Virginia home game on September 2.
Calling the display, "Odious and incomprehensible," prominent African American activist Frederick Douglass appeared in person to confront a group of White Nationalists protesting at his statue in Baltimore today.
NASA denied paying anything for the eclipse. Naturally, an anonymous White House spokesman promised a “full investigation of those deceitful NASA eggheads.”
“A remote temple in the Pennsylvania mountains,” sighed Adolph. “A somewhat unusual place to talk shop? At least, so I would have thought, if you would excuse my plainness of speech.” For the first time in months Deborah Mona Willow’s voice ran out like a silver bell. “Our friend is well heard!” As they splashed […]
All I want to hear is your name, grade, and on a scale of 1-10 how comfortable you would be lying down in a pit of 200-300 baby rattlesnakes for two minutes.
ITV cleaning staff responsible for maintaining the studio used to broadcast the popular, This Morning show, have walked out in protest at having to remove the trail of slime that presenter, Eamonn Holmes, leaves in his wake when he leaves the studio each day at midday.
Many have asked, why do republicans consistently vote against their own interests? CNN’s Fareed Zakaria just did a special on Why Trump Won, yet he only made a passing reference to the real culprit, namely, our tailored and targeted media. In 2017 the rightwing ‘Bubble’ can now subsist on little to no factual sustenance whatsoever. It’s…
New edition: “Total Eclipse: Hate tries to eclipse tolerance in Trump’s America” – Now available on our FREE Humor Times “News in Cartoons” app!
Stonehenge tour guide buffoon Charles ‘Rocky’ Stone has taken his employer to court for unfair dismissal. Stone 56, was fired for misleading tourists with ill-informed facts and research. Stone commented: It’s a gross injustice. Some of my Stonehenge facts may be disputable but they are also undeniable. I grew up in Stonehenge – as kids we’d […]
A lot of animals out there haven't had the proper education when it comes to sex, which is obvious from all of the stupid YouTube videos of idiot dogs humping each other's heads.
In the wake of violent protests and the removal of controversial statues across the USA, human statues are reporting an increase in hate crimes.
Tweet Tower—Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller said he was “as surprised as anyone to find a bonafide gun still emitting smoke not a hundred feet from the Oval Office.” During a preliminary sweep of the building, Mueller also found empty beer cans, a live chicken, and an inflatables sheep. “None of these are in and of themselves…
Even cast members of Logan Lucky don’t really know who Rebecca Blunt is. A person so named is credited with writing the screenplay for this new Steven Soderbergh film. If a woman, perhaps she’s a sister to Emily Blunt… though I’d guess not.

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