MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - After just ten days since his sold-out concert in Manila, Grammy Award-winning singer Chris Brown has been invited back to the Philippines. Brown is currently in Israel as part of his concert tour. The unprecedented invitation came from no less than Leila De Lima, Secretary of the Philippines'…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, civically-challenged Americans across the country announced they were looking forward to Planned Parenthood being defunded after highly edited and deceptive videos were released making it appear the organization was profiting from the sale of aborted fetuses. Not only has this group of conservative and anti-choice Americans ignored the fact fetal tissue is used for critical medical research to combat diseases like ALS, but it also believed a Senate vote expected as early as Monday would defund Planned Parenthood all on its own and forever.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News announced Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie will stand next to each other during Thursday's debate hosted by the network. The announcement met with condemnation from the eight other participating Republican candidates, as it broke the debate rule stating candidates would be positioned based on their national poll numbers.

Lead poisoning in the water didn't do it. Running out of fresh water to distribute didn't do it. But the Governor is optimistic that the new outbreak of Legionnaires' disease "will make it happen."

CUPERTINO, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - It's that time of year when Apple takes center stage to unveil its latest version of its products.  As expected, all eyes will be on the new iPhone 6S. Apple will likely hold a media event  on September 9, according to BuzzFeed News. Apple hasn't sent out invitations just yet,…

"I bet $1 Donald Trump would approve of that." Kent Rugby, Political Commentator

"I realize this kind of thing has happened hundreds of times before," the Sgt. said, "but somehow I never thought that if I posted something racist it would be perceived in the only way it could possibly be perceived."

Ben Carson - the walking myth.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush announced his presidency would be a continuation of his brother George W. Bush's presidency in that he would send ground troops back to Iraq, reinstate torture in violation of American and international law, and make every other mistake made by his brother and more. Jeb promised Americans to ignore all of "the allegedly negative consequences" of his brother's presidency, and vowed to return America to "the golden age" of George W. Bush.

"My look is called 'Singing Barber Of The 1930s.'" Fred Flunkee, Retired Bargain Bin Man

Expanding upon his recent observation that “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters,” likely GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump added today that if the people he shot were Muslims and Mexicans, he would probably even gain voters.

TRENTON, NEW JERSEY (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie announced he was doubling his protective detail in his home state. The move followed thousands of threats made by New Jersey citizens to "tar and feather" Christie then "run him out of town on a rail."

The Segway cameraman who controversially managed to catch up with the world's fastest man Usain Bolt from behind, has not had his booking to cover the next G8 meeting of world leaders cancelled, we have been told.

Using a megaphone to command supporters to join him in a butt-shaking dance called the “Trump Bump,” presidential candidate Donald Trump did a victory lap in a golden chariot, just minutes after it became apparent that he had overwhelmed his opponents in New Hampshire’s Republican primary.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, President Obama sent his annual message to Congressional Republicans asking them "not to shut down the government again." Obama's handwritten letter explained to Republicans they had control of both chambers of Congress, so they needed to "get their act together, stop being drama queens, and pass some bills that actually have a chance of being signed by me."

Secrets of the Celebrity Sex Addiction Clinic Uncovered! Top Sex Therapist Reveals How Top Celebrity Sex Addicts Cured by Suppressing Their Orgasms!

SIMI VALLEY, CALIFORNIA (The Nil Admirari) - Tonight, Republican presidential candidates said a bunch of stuff to an audience that thought it knew a bunch of stuff. The candidate who led in the polls prior to the debate was the target of all the other candidates, who gave vague answers to softball questions while Americans outside of Ronald Reagan's shrine continued to suffer from more than three decades of trickle-down economics.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Last night, Fox News talking head Bill O'Reilly used his show "The O'Reilly Factor" to assert a video showing him kicking a puppy was "100% false." O'Reilly played the video in which he could clearly be seen kicking a puppy and blamed "the liberal media" for producing the footage.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Department of Reality released a report warning Congressional Republicans a government shutdown would disrupt significant government spending and harm an already weak economy. Republicans responded to the "Shutdown Bad for Economy" report by ignoring the estimated $24 billion price tag from the 2013 government shutdown, and vowing to defund the Department of Reality for "using facts to advance a partisan agenda."

EARTH — World War III has broken out after a party cruise hosted by New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski sailed…