Check Please!
by Mark Adam Lowton
For the past few years, I’ve been a real dick to everyone. I have run off most of my friends and the people that worked with me and for me. I’ve banned writers from my publication for little or no reason. I’ve gone out of my way to treat Americans like shit. I’ve been inconsistent in just about every aspect of my life.
Now I know why. I’ve got Mad Cow Disease.
After receiving a few too many text messages while on vacation, a local man has decided he is going to have to let his boss go.
Our top Sports reporter, Richard Head, lives and dies by the journalistic mantra: “always go straight to the source”.
The crash resulted in the collective loss of over $300 billion dollars worth of bitcoins. The price of just a single Bitcoin was $13,900 USD and climbing. Now it's all worthless.
Ramallah, West Bank – (
The remains of former Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat will be exhumed Tuesday as part of a renewed investigation into his death, a source close to the investigation said on Saturday. The same source also said Arafat’s Rolex wrist watch will have a new battery installed at the same time.
Shockingly now homeless since his fall from grace last Summer, the once monumental movie mogul allegedly exposed himself to an outreach volunteer when she attempted to give him a sandwich this weekend.
Belleglade FL – (
Book publisher Doubleday has decided to re-release a book that has been out of print for over sixty years. “How to Skin a Cat” by Maybelle Huckleberry will be in print for the first time since the days of World War Two.
Boston MA – (
Federal, state and local law enforcement performed admirably in capturing the Boston Marathon bombers. Ordinary citizens, emergency responders and surgeons/doctors at Boston area hospitals also performed admirably to save the lives of innocent people in the aftermath of the tragic event.
WASHINGTON - President Donald Trump unceremoniously laid out national flags from various non-white countries on the floor of the oval office and proceeded to “take a dump” on each one.
Citing “creative differences” and a need to explore new territory, President Obama announced he was leaving the Ex-Presidents to pursue personal projects.
Unless you’re in a coma – or your name is Baron Trump – you’ve no doubt heard about Michael Wolff’s bombshell tell-all book, FIRE AND FURY – INSIDE THE TRUMP WHITE HOUSE. On its release day, F&F sold out in less time than it takes Donald to tweet “CNN is Fake News.” What you may […]The post FIRE AND FURY – INSIDE THE TRUMP EARLY YEARS appeared first on
Davy Crockett actually wore his raccoon-skin cap as a functional warning to other raccoons not to climb on his head while he was sleeping.
A white house spokesman has denied that President Trump deliberately snubbed the UK by leaving it off his list of ‘shithouse’ countries.  The spokesman said ‘I can assure the people of Great Britain that the president truly regrets not including them along with nations such as Haiti, El Salvador and Nicaragua. Sadly, he misspoke during...
Atlanta, GA—The King Center has rented apparatus to have the Atlanta tomb of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and his wife Coretta Scott King rotated for the entire MLK weekend. The center’s board of directors finalized the decision yesterday after President Trump referred to Haiti and African countries as ‘shitholes’. CEO of the center and MLK’s youngest child, Bernice King, said,…
by James Israel.Now available on the Humor Times “News in Cartoons” free app, the latest edition: The ‘Stable Genius!’ You’d be “like, really smart” to get it! In the latest edition of the News in Cartoons Humor ... Read more“Like, Really Smart, and the Stablest Ever!” – Latest Edition of the Humor Times Free App!Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
White House Press Secretary Raj Shah released a statement to the press yesterday concerning President Trump and his referring to some immigrant countries as “shitholes”.
The inadvertent alert, which sent millions of Hawaiians scrambling for cover, would never have happened if it weren't for those pesky orange jellybeans.
Washington DC – (
Socialist Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) Infrastructure Plan has been leaked to the Main Stream Media. An astute freelance reporter named Phil broke the story prior to the legislation being introduced into the US House and senate.
London – (
A pair of conjoined parasitic twins very nearly sold America’s London embassy building to Donald Trump for One Measly Dollar according to Royal Courts of Justice papers filed today.
Evangelicals came out this week in support of the President’s ban on immigrants from “shithole countries” and urged the US to import more Norwegians ASAP.

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