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Safford, AZ- (

The Federal Bureau of Prisons has released information that Jared Fogle, former Subway spokesman, has written and recorded several songs while serving in prison. Fogle is currently incarcerated in Safford, Arizona and is serving a sentence for having child pornography and for engaging in illicit sexual contact with underage women.
Los Angeles, CA – (
Network officials and show producers have announced that the 2019 season of “Dancing With The Stars” will feature nothing but “big” contestants. The “big,” however, is not what you would normally thing of as “big Hollywood stars.” All of next year’s contestants will be plus sized.
New York City (NYC) (

Democratic Mayor Bill de Blasio and the NYC Council have passed an ordinance banning Coney Island Whitefish. The Coney Island Whitefish, better known as a Condom (latex/rubber), cannot now be disposed of in any manner (like flushing) that causes this protective device to wind up in any body of water within NYC limits, e.g. lakes, rivers (Hudson, East, Harlem/Spuyten Duyvil Creek, Brooklyn/Gowanus Canal, Canarsie) and the Atlantic Ocean. Currently in the summer months the Coney Island Whitefish can be seen, after dark, spawning in NYC waters.
Boston, MA – (
Nike, which is trying to corner and control the market on Un-Americans and Anti-Americans, has announced a follow-up to their Colin Kaepernick commercials. Famous traitor and subversive “Hanoi” Jane Fonda, who has been found guilty of treason in the court of public opinion but not in the Hollywood and Democratically controlled court system, will join ISIS terrorists in beheading Christian missionaries in an unknown Middle Eastern location.
London man claims he was assaulted by Hitler's ghost following his steamy affair with the spirit of Eva Braun. Charged with affray following ferocious battle in High Street with phantom Fuhrer.
Government announces introduction of new ‘Universal Hate’ policy, under which all existing forms of hate crime, regardless of whether it is racial, religious or gender based, will be amalgamated into one single type of hate. Ministers hope new system will simplify process of hate crime for perpetrators, victims and police.
“Honestly your Honour, I was acting in the best interests of the local community when I burned down my eighty five year old neighbour’s garden shed. I had very reliable information from a bloke down the pub that he was actually running a drug factory from there..."
Hollywood,CA – (

Kim Kardiashian (a.k.a. Kim Kartrashian) was recently selected by a Hollywood celebrity panel as being the Least Talented Person in America. This was the sixth straight win for Kim, breaking the previous record set by Paris Hilton.
In what some are calling a publicity stunt likely spurred by the attention John McCain's recent passing received, President Trump announced his own death on Twitter this morning.
Muffinville, AZ – (
Pampered snot-bag and full time RINO, Meghan McCain threatened to cutoff all and any affiliation with the Republican Party after talks fellow View panelists who placed the blame on Republicans for Hostess Brands shuttering its Twinkie plant doors in Texas as a long standing result of union unrest. Her apparent unhappiness with Republicans and Trump in particular spilled over during her eulogy at her late father’s 17th funeral event in 10 days with a very personal attack on President Trump.

NASA – (
In the summer of 1969, The United States of America launched the Apollo 11 spaceflight. It landed on the moon on July 20th and Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon the next day. He was the followed by Buzz Aldrin. Training for the mission was done in Texas, California, Alabama, and Florida.
Washington, DC – (

Democratic Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi of the Fruitcake, California district, who is constantly looking everywhere to attempt to make President Donald Trump look bad, has now decided that he should be impeached because “he likes large breasted women.”
New York, NY- (
Union fat cat Mark Rosenthal spends more time sleeping at his desk than organizing labor, a series of damning photos reveals.

The 400 plus pound president of Local 983 of District Council 37…the city’s largest blue-collar municipal-workers union…often downs a huge meal of cheeseburgers, shakes, onion rings, and pie, then drops into dreamland in the early afternoon, members of the union’s executive board told SatireWorld.

"Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering cow; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. Thou damned cow!"
Addressing on Thursday the latest wave of sexual abuse scandals to have rocked the Catholic Church, Pope Francis vowed to keep the molestation of children by members of the clergy to a minimum going forward.
The anti-aging industry has always been a fertile breeding ground for fads, wacky ideas and charlatans trying to sell you miracle creams and serums. However, it remains the case that most of us would be interested in extended longevity. The…Read more The Science of Anti-Aging ›The post The Science of Anti-Aging appeared first on
The anecdote of how you got the Sublime sun tattoo on your arm was, well, compelling, but my wife-to-be has never listened to “40 Oz. To Freedom.”
As The Great British Bake Off returned to our screens last night news has emerged today that 97% of the country’s A&E Departments went into crisis mode, with waiting times for treatment stretching out to as long as seven hours in some cases. Consultant Registrar, David Wilson, from Belfast’s Royal Victoria Hospital told us: ‘It...
What my blogvesary, Pokey McDooris, fails to understand about the recent FBI ‘scandals’ is how our leaders have, and always will have, a little more leeway than your average Joe. A Hillary Clinton, or anyone of her stature from either political party, will never go down for a few questionable email exchanges. Whereas I cover crimes that warrant a military firing…
by Humor Times.If they succeed, we lose: they get less competition, and will raise prices, and we get stuck with their lousy service and slowest-in-the-world internet speeds. Help support small internet provider companies by contacting the FCC ... Read moreGiant Telecoms Trying to Wipe Out the Small Internet Provider: You’ll PaySubscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.

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