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MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - In a rare show of unity and non-partisanship, Philippine Senators unanimously approved a resolution demanding that the U.S. government immediately release all prisoners from Guantanamo Bay. As of latest available information resulting from a Google search, about 40 detainees remain at the U.S.-leased detention center in Cuba.  Many of…
Those of us who would rather brave root canal without the benefit of anesthesia than submit to invasions of our personal space can take joy in the fact that "tree hugger" and "bunny hugger" are terms of derision in some enlightened circles.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - It is being reported on social media that Bono and U2 were booed by members of the audience during a concert held last weekend at the Mall of Asia Arena in Manila.  The reason? Bono dedicated the song, “Ultra Violet” to Rappler CEO Maria Ressa and flashed her face on…
If a nation can be judged by what it celebrates, the United States is fucked six ways to Sunday and back. Today is National Gingerbread House Day, If that doesn't curdle your testicles, how about these gems: National Rubber Ducky Day, National Frozen Yogurt Day, National Barbie Day, National Hairball Awareness Day, et al.
Those soccer moms and their male-pattern-baldness, girly-man, yes-ma'am allies are at it again. Having come for your candy cigarettes and Four Loko, they're coming for your plastic straws. Here's how to thwart them.
Is Boris Johnson the reincarnation of neolithic sex beast? Incredible claims that Prime Minister's alleged groping of women is result of this bestial past life involuntarily reasserting itself. Claims that other right wing leaders also apes in past lives.
Parliamentarians fear any attempt to arrest law breaking Prime Minister Boris Johnson might result in parliament being smashed by his Hulk alter ego. Experts, however, believe if Johnson allowed to break law with impunity, law breaking will be legitimised and the UK overwhelmed by lawlessness.
Several old cans of film dug up from a field reveal a sensational wartime secret involving a lost British pornographic propaganda film. Was 'Spanked by the Swastika' banned because of fears it made Nazis sexually attractive, or because it made bondage available to the masses?
If Brexit has ‘broken’ Britain, with opinion on leave or remain splitting the population down the middle, is the solution to break up Britain? Cross party political group propose North-South split, with South staying in EU and North cast adrift. Strict North to South immigration rules suggested to protect Southern jobs.
Is government planning to sell UK to Donald Trump post-Brexit? Former Tory adviser suggests sale would solve UK's problems in event of no deal Brexit by obviating need for trade deals and replacing expensive public services with Trump corporate services.
To correct that übersehen we celebrate National Ask Nietzsche Day. Instead of asking yourself what Jesus would do, say, when his girlfriend starts yelling out for god during sex, we suggest you ask Nietzsche instead. He is, after all, a savvy advice columnist.
"People have to flush 50, 100 times," President Trump announced to the press this morning.
In 2009 President Barack Obama warned that "a critical shortfall of gravity brought on by the "failed gravitational policies of the past" was the greatest existential threat facing this country. "The United States, which is home to 5 percent of the world's population, consumes nearly 60 percent of its gravity," the president explained.
Need a gun, drugs, and counterfeit money? Software to hack into your fucktard neighbor's computer or somebody to kill the bastard outright? What about login credentials to a $50,000 Bank of America account for $500? If these sound tailored to meet your personal needs or if you're truly into kiddie porn, you ought to be X-mas shopping on the Dark Web.
Baltimore Mayor Bernard “Jack” Young urged citizens not to park near white vans because "evil, evil people in white vans" are trolling the city searching for young women to enslave, force into prostitution, and murder, before selling their body parts, the ones that haven't been worn out by prostitution, to Dark Web laboratories.
Few activities enrage feminists more than side-saddle riding. We're talking horses, now, not some perverse spin on scissoring. Feminists of every sort—classic, non-binary, echo [sic], inter sectional, intercollegiate, separatist, and beard wearing—lose their shit at the sight of a female sitting side saddle on a horse.
The Romans had an expression for it . . . "it" being a foul, snot-flinging, food-showing, ass-kicking mood that envelops a person for no reason. The expression was In lectulo surgens sinistram: He got up on the wrong side of the bed. (When Roman women were in a foul mood, it was assumed they were in rag, an expression that doesn't need translating.)
Those income figures, however, do not convey as much information about the quality of life in Port Allegany as its crime statistics do. Witness the following annotated crime report for November 14 through 21, this year. Prepare to be staggered.
Bullock, who in fact won over virtually no one during his seven-month-long candidacy, will reportedly also be stepping down as the head of the Bullock household, according to members of his family.
This one doesn't need an instruction book; no assembly is required. You've got a brain, an imagination, and at least one good eye. What are you waiting for? Start coveting . . .

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