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The White House – (
With 15% of the American people on food stamps and unemployment increasing as thousands of business lay off workers due to healthcare cost fears, President Obama took some time off from golf to pardon a turkey for Thanksgiving.
Dateline: ATLANTA—A new anchor at CNN, Guy Hoogetsit, has criticized his colleagues at the cable news station for failing to understand the point of Donald Trump’s election, and maintains that the only way for members of the corporate media to properly report on President Trump is to simultaneously hit themselves repeatedly in the face. Mr. […]
Before planning your trip to Africa, consider the advice of someone who has been there many times and is totally not making stuff up based on movies.
Much to the surprise of shoppers, the UK has reduced its worth by 70% – to the price of a discount Belgium or a top-end electric toothbrush. This Friday, trade deals will be available for a fraction of their original cost, with consumers expected to rush out to buy a 55-inch Smart TV or a...
Tweet Tower—Two turkeys, Ozzy & Harriet, are desperately awaiting word of the president’s overdue pardon. The National Pardoning Ceremony is a time honored tradition, but, thus far in his presidency, Donald Trump has ignored most customs and traditions. The turkeys are demanding the president keep his word and pardon the two before they become the guests of honor…
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for.
Satan claims that Manson sexually assaulted him as the two were posing for a selfie soon after Manson’s arrival. “That’s pretty brazen,” Satan remarked, “Even for Charlie. He and I go way back but, when I felt him squeeze my ass while we were trying to get the picture, I was like, dude, come on.”
People around the world joined the United States this week in celebrating the spirit of Thanksgiving, mainly because their countries aren't run by President Trump.
Capitol Hill – (
Flustered and grim, Representative Maxine Waters took time out from her Impeach Donald Trump hearing to make new sexual charges against almost 280 Republican House of Representatives members who she says asked her to put on a bikini in violation of House Rules governing sexual harassment.
Scientists have warned that our visual world will almost certainly revert to monochrome, or black-and-white, within the next five to ten years.
In a press conference earlier today, Robert Mueller released the most damning evidence of Russian interference in our elections.
Islamabad, Pakistan -(
Reality TV’s latest offering is sure to raise eyebrows and a few tempers as season one of The Real Housewives of Islamabad makes its way to the small screen. Shot on location in Pakistan’s capitol, Islamabad, the first of sixteen segments is set to begin final editing as soon as goat herding and shearing process’ finalize sometime after the winter birthing season for three of the woman who comprise the six main characters.
Paris, France-(
The Paris Hilton admitted today that it had royally screwed Senator Al Franken the last time the Minnesota Senator visited the French capitol.
The recent headlines embarrassed the senator after the hotel admitted it cheated him out of double-dipper frequent flyer miles by neglecting to properly process the bonus points to the Senator's credit card.
Beaver Falls, MT – (

Ward was glad to see the old gang again, but was really excited to see the Beaver too.
Due to the recent interest in the new movie “The Beaver,” Hollywood has decided to remake “Leave It To Beaver” as both a television series and as a motion picture. “The Beaver,” a film with Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster, has absolutely nothing to do with the television series and involves a man who can only speak through an animal puppet on his hand. When viewers heard of the movie, however, they thought that the famous 50’s Cleaver family was returning.
Cleveland, OH – (
A bingo hall in Cleveland announced plans to hold Catholic church services in their basement. Owner of the Grace Bingo Parlor said that this practice would begin in early June and would continue as long as the church services were successful and well attended.
Skeletor, an evil demon from another dimension, said he can no longer stand by as the liberal media attacks simple middle class people like himself.
The Southern Poverty Law Center has been at the forefront of many important agendas of American civic life, for quite some time. The poor, the Southern and most of all, the legalistic, have all sought shelter under the wings of the holy dove of mercy. But speaking of holy doves; the SPLC has provoked a […]
There's nothing like coming home at the end of the day to a tiny, dingy $800-a-month basement apartment to remind you that your dreams are a sham.
A Doncaster man has been banned from his local gym after it was found that he had been regularly having a post-workout shower without taking a piss at the same time. The offence was spotted by the male changing room cleaner, who noted that the shower tray remained a pristine white colour after Peter Smith, 24, emerged at 630pm each evening, rather than having the more typical light yellow film around the edges.
Someone needs to put Zano back in his place and that someone is me! He’s starting to get a little too smug in his old age and sometimes he needs reminded he’s not a Jedi yet. This is a rebuttal of sorts to his feature: A Review Of Ken Wilber’s ‘Trump And A Post-Truth World’: Or, How I Stopped Evolving And…

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