by Paul Lander.Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.

"I love watching people with hairy faces laugh." Fred Flunkee, Hirsute Fan

Crew members aboard the aircraft carrier USS Scott Baio were left shocked on Friday when without warning, a Russian pilot landed his jet on the carrier’s flight deck, after which he exited the aircraft and urinated on the deck for as long as 45 seconds before returning to his aircraft to take off.

SACRAMENTO, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) - Realizing that their continued rivalry and rhetoric will only increase Donald Trump's chances of being elected next president of the United States, the Democratic presidential candidates have finally agreed to settle their differences. While agreeing to fight it out till the end, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders…

Seadon has recently been convicted on three counts of grievous bodily harm. She also continues to remain housebound under electronically tagged curfew. ‘My friends say I’m really down-to-earth and SO easy-going!’ she remarked after placing her cat in the microwave.

Mr. Trump’s testicles were unavailable for comment.

WASHINGTON — A campaign aide confirmed reports Hillary Clinton had asked her for the eighteenth time today if Bernie Sanders had called to concede the Democratic presidential nomination. Mandy Hazard, a longtime Hillary confidant, declared the party’s presumptive nominee had repetitively and pointedly...

Kaczynski became infamous in the late 90s after being convicted of a 17 year campaign of terror against various people involved in the advancement of modern technology. Yet now the Unabomber has written a series of letters to Apple to ask that they send him the latest (as yet unreleased) version of their iPhone.

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

Kathleen Willey, one of the women who famously accused Bill Clinton of sexual assault, used a radio interview on Sunday to call on other female victims of Bill Clinton to contact her and consider going public.

Anyone who has ever read and gushed over Paulo Coelho’s novel “The Alchemist” is still totally enlightened and has achieved his or her dreams, according to a study by the Nathaniel Dubbles Institute for Higher Consciousness.

Warnings to British property owners couldn't become more stark last night with latest estimates that up to 100% of British owned homes will fall down if the country votes to leave the EU next month.

SAN DIEGO, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) - Claiming it was a mistake inside the audio control room, the San Diego Padres today apologized to the San Diego Gay Men's Chorus (SDGMC) for the embarrassing moment at Petco Park this weekend. Members of the SDGMC took the field at Petco Park to sing the…

A pillar of the community in his hometown of Chesterfield, Illinois, 64 year-old Kenny Butler is likely some kind of sex freak, most of his neighbors say.

Dallas, Texas – (SatireWorld.com)

Rockers Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby have a few kind words for their fans…’We love you guys!’ Ever since the rock band ‘The Lee Harvey Oswald Band’ was formed success seems to have followed them wherever they play. First formed in 1963, the band has endured trials and travesties until it signed a record deal with MCA in 1968. The rest is recording history as the popular bar band has sold almost 700 Billion albums across the world.

Ever since the legendary Fergus Alexson stepped down, the local Greggs have struggled to replace his world class talent as manager. A rotating door of managers and caretakers have passed through. In appointing Jose Mourinho, they feel like they’ve finally got their man.

SEATTLE, Washington (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) - Pot Pies. They come in different versions: chicken, turkey, beef, vegetarian.  No well-meaning diner will be without them on their menu But soon, fans of this traditional food fare will have a new option:  pot pie, as in marijuana pie Marijuana has transcended its recreational use.  It…

Corporate media consumers were urged to continue watching the developing story so they could appreciate how afraid they needed to be, and how terrorism must be the automatic assumption when the cause of a tragedy was not immediately known.​

Washington DC – (satireworld.com)
One hundred sixty year old Uncle Sam was watching television in his Georgetown town house, when the news broke that 124 children (school students) had been killed by Pakistani Taliban in a revenge attack. The old gentleman fell asleep with tears in his eyes and an aching heart.

Copenhagen – (satireworld.com)
Esteemed scientist and 2008 Nobel Science Award recipient, Dr. Newton J. Blather, issued a startling warning to people everywhere about a disturbing event he has recorded over the past year…Women and their vaginas everywhere are cooling down due to global warming.

Madison Avenue, NYC – (SatireWorld.com)
The success of Wendy’s recent revival of their old “Where’s The Beef?” ad campaign has prompted several other restaurant chains and other business to revive old advertising campaigns and marketing plans. People watching network television over the next few months might believe that they are actually watching a retrospective of old television commercials.