Pundits were wrongfooted when the England squad for Euro 2016 was presented to the press, because nobody had predicted the inclusion of Adebayo Akinfenwa, formerly with AFC Wimbledon. Akinfenwa, whose 101st minute penalty gave Wimbledon a 2-0 victory in the play-off final v Plymouth, smiled broadly as FA officials tried to find a suit to...

When she first came around, I was vaguely attracted to her, I don’t know why. Actually, I do know why: she had long red hair, and I’m a sucker for that stuff. Other than that, not really my type. Too thin. She was also a bit nutty, but that never stopped me before.Anyway, a friend…

“I used the bankruptcy law and did a tremendous thing — all the top people agree,” says Trump. Bernie Sanders’ recently challenged Donald Trump to a televised debate, and Trump initially accepted. Appearing on the Jimmy Kimmel Live talk show, Trump said that it would be “fun to smash that old Jew in the mouth...

As 'Whip and Tell' stories involving government ministers proliferate, Tory back bencher launches private members bill proposing new code of conduct for sex workers involved with politicians.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the corporate media ran a live speech by presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump while ten Americans died due to lack of access to healthcare in the richest country in the history of humanity.

Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 - Feb 17)
You are right to mistrust your instincts at times, however you are wrong to mistrust them all the while this month. Whilst it is true that the accuracy of your instinct will be down to about 5% at times this June, it will also rise to 22.76% for a while, which is approaching best ever territory.

Calcutta, India - (satireworld.com)
Polo, India’s only 500 pound female silverback gorilla, is looking for some love. Despite an eight-year search for a mate, Polo remains a very lonely bachelorette. Finally, her Calcutta zoo keepers made one final worldwide plea to find her a suitable sexual mate before her depression worsens.

Club Tropicana opened to much fanfare in 1983 with its owners splashing out big money on the venue as well as its signature tune, as made famous by Wham. But in the end it was its free drinks policy that sunk the bar.

The complaint was made by a liberal group who organised an online petition on the matter. This marks the first time an online petition has ever been successful.

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa (The Adobo Chronicles, Berlin Bureau) - A lawyer for the family of Harambe, the 400-pound gorilla shot dead in a Cincinnati zoo says that a lawsuit is being readied in South Africa against zoo officials. Harambe was shot early this week to save the life of a four-year-old boy who climbed through the…

The gorilla, named Colin, rushed over to protect the small child who fell into the enclosure after what is being described as ‘lackadaisical parenting’. Colin shielded the young boy from the pack of screaming humans and took him to safety.

LSU’s claim that its live tiger mascot has a rare form of cancer was really a ruse to spare the animal from having to endure this past weekend’s Bayou Country Superfest concert, according to a source within the school’s veterinary program.

Some people argue that, if Donald Trump is elected president of the United States, he would usher in the end of the American experiment; he would destroy the republic we hold so dear.Some people argue that, if Donald Trump is elected president of the United States, he would usher in the end of the American experiment; he would destroy the republic we hold so dear. Perhaps. But, even if that does come to pass, I would argue America was destroyed by the most truly American of all the chief executives who have held the highest office in the land.

'Soon they'd learnt how to drive themselves, even mine their own coal. I had the world's most efficient railway - but then they got bored'.

Shady Acres Retirement Home—Dr. Henry Heimlich was in the news earlier this week after saving a fellow retirement home tenant from choking. More details of the incident are emerging that throw the famous anti-choke artist into a decidedly different light. According to witnesses, before Mr. Heimlich was able to eject the goods, a Lemony Snicket-like series of…

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

‘I am aware that this sugar tax will hit the poorest the hardest but I have come up with a fabulous workaround for all concerned. Simply cut your sugar with cocaine and you’ll find that you actually lose weight. By George, I’ve done it again!’ exclaimed Osborne at a press meeting.

‘You’re promised a three day weekend and then it’s over with in the blink of an eye. When I was a young lad a three day weekend would last forever. But now that we’re in the EU we’re getting short changed and they’re over with before they’ve even begun,’ said Cocker.

Providing further evidence that there is life after life in captivity, on Monday thousands of residents of Cincinnati observed a cloud that strongly resembled Harambe, the gorilla killed by city zoo officials on Saturday after a child fell into the animal’s enclosure.

Cincinnati, OH –
While millions of Americans paid their respects to the countless numbers of fallen heroes who gave all to protect our country and way of life, people devastated by the death of Harambe the Gorilla gathered at the Cincinnati Zoo to mourn after zoo authorities killed the animal when a child fell into the enclosure.