Death is mostly final for the majority of people, animals and plants. Humans realized everything dies- so what do those in the process of dying regret?

Philadelphia, PA – (satireworld.com)
Monica Lewinsky will speak at the Democratic National Convention’s Millennial Summit this week, opening up about her experience with cyber-bullying, her past relationship with President Bill Clinton, and how she’s more aligned now with the Libertarian Party now since leaving the Democratic Party in 1999 because of ‘the bad taste it left in her mouth’.

The study, performed by Professor Ulf Ekelund, showed that the sedentary nature of office work can lead to diabetes, heart disease and some forms of cancer.

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Americans woke up this morning to the great news that Bill Clinton just made history by being nominated as the Democratic Party's candidate for president of the United States. He is the first two-term president to be nominated for a third, possibly fourth term. This is truly unprecedented.…

We’re sad to report that there’s a dangerous game that teenagers have been playing called the “pull out challenge”.

Trump went for tests after feeling unwell on his campaign tour, something he initially put down to the stress and hectic travel schedule of running for President. However the tests came back showing that Mr Trump’s DNA is 37% Gremlin, a dangerously high level which will need constant monitoring.

The Overlord was a hard-core, major sorcerous villain. He was so hard-core that when he decided to make a sorcerous artifact as a focal point for his evil spells, nothing worked.

BREAKING NEWS!
The man who tried to kill President Ronald Reagan is set to go free, after a judge decided Wednesday to allow would-be assassin John Hinckley Jr. to live with his mother in Virginia full-time.

Since news broke last month that the LSU AgCenter would begin taking steps toward producing medical marijuana, the research facility has been inundated with employment applications and unsolicited advice for growing cannabis.

Former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke said Donald Trump and his presidential campaign have spurred him to spread the message that white people can be absolutely detestable.

A Fox News reporter is lamenting the resignation of the news channel’s CEO because she believes his exit means she won’t benefit from previously providing him with sexual favors.

In the midst of a tumultuous month in Baton Rouge, the solution to the growing racial tensions in the city has seemingly come to light.

Organizers of the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro are concerned the Republican National Convention in Cleveland raised the bar for what is considered a disastrous production too high for them to compete with.

Multiple credible sources have confirmed that Tootnanny, who served as Air Sex National Champion through most of 2015, has been suspended from this year’s competition for testing positive for a banned substance, and people who claim to be close to him say this isn’t the first time.

Q: I read that state Sen. Troy Brown was arrested again for domestic abuse, this time for allegedly biting his wife on the arm. Wasn’t he arrested for domestic abuse in New Orleans for punching his side piece during the Bayou Classic last year? How is he still a state senator? How many domestic abuse charges does it take to kick someone out of office in Louisiana?

Mick Jagger got his girlfriend pregnant with his mummy-dust semen. He’s 72; she’s 29. So that’s weird. Let me tell you about how he’s spent his life.

Knick and James are forced to meet via technology this week, but use their time to discuss the hip new craze taking over the world.

The events of the past week prompt Jeremy to set aside his shitty jokes, news quiz, and Five Questions for an honest and open discussion with Jeramaine Jingles and Mike Honore about race relations in Baton Rouge and the rest of the country, as well as their personal experiences interacting with law enforcement and white people.

CLEVELAND – A body language expert has used their scientific analysis to determine Donald Trump’s hidden, past job history – based solely on his hand gestures. Following the conclusion of the Republican National Convention, where he accepted his party’s nomination for President, the expert revealed their findings to MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow.

Baltimore, MD – (SatireWorld.com)
While transplants of the heart, kidneys, corneas, and other body parts have been successful for many years, doctors have just completed the first successful g-spot transplant.
Surgeons at Johns Hopkins performed the operation on a thirty-eight year old woman who previously described herself as “an old aging spinster lady who acted like a cross between a librarian and a Sunday School teacher.”