Baltimore, MD – (SatireWorld.com)
While transplants of the heart, kidneys, corneas, and other body parts have been successful for many years, doctors have just completed the first successful g-spot transplant.
Surgeons at Johns Hopkins performed the operation on a thirty-eight year old woman who previously described herself as “an old aging spinster lady who acted like a cross between a librarian and a Sunday School teacher.”

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com)
NBC News (sic) announced that Chelsea Clinton, the only acknowledged child of former President Bill Clinton, and ex-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, had been hired as a special correspondent for the NBC News network.

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com)
Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former-president Bill Clinton and nominated presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, is earning $600,000 per year from NBC News. Satireworld reports that the former First Daughter has not been on the air for months. At $600,000 per year, that adds up to $200,000 to not do her job as an on-air correspondent.

MSNBC Studios – (SatireWorld.com)
Progressive and full time nitwit, the Young Turks founder Cenk Uygur came into work at radio MSNBC expecting to start his daily job as anchor, but instead found his clothes, lunch box, and camel porno collection in a pile by the back door. Serving as prime time anchor for less than six months, executives had reached their limit with the nonsense that flowed from progressive Uygur’s pie hole every evening.

ROANOKE, Virginia (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureua) - During a campaign speech held at the Hotel Roanoke & Conference Center on Monday,  Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump repeatedly complained about the hotel's air conditioning system. Trump said he felt like he was "in a sauna" and warned he might not pay the bill. Onstage, Trump, owner of…

Homeless people across the country have shared their joy about the news that Britain’s GDP improved by 0.6% in the last quarter.

PHILDELPHIA, Pennsylvania (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Much has been said about Melania Trump plagiarizing Michelle Obama's 2008 speech during the former's appearance at last week's Republican National Convention. But today, the same could be said about former President Bill Clinton when he spoke at the Democratic National Convention to make the case for his wife…

WASHINGTON-A local man was outraged earlier today by being forced to buy a companion airplane ticket for the sex slave he keeps in a dog carrier.

New York, NY – (satireworld.com)
One of the premier traits of a entrepreneur is the ability to spot trends while they are undiscovered and then be able to move fast in order to capture the market lead and reap the financial windfall. Without saying, the past success of presidential candidate Donald J.Trump has been his unique ability to see trends and take advantage of ways to maximize profits.

"So, is that five howls out of five, or just one big howl out of five? These dog reviewers confuse me." Jessie Krufts, Physicist

AOL, Yahoo!, and CompuServe made up the three biggest internet companies of the 90s. It’s believed that Verizon must have access to a time machine which they plan to use to go back to the 90s and dominate the early days of the world wide web.

Michelle (formerly Michael) Rowland, 36, will now be able to claim full benefits for all six of his/her imaginary children.

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - When First Lady Michelle Obama takes to the stage tonight at the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, she is confident that her speech will not be plagiarized by Melania Trump or any other person. Obama has filed a copyright petition of her speech with the U.S. Patent and…

Big Booty Airlines, Miami – (SatireWorld.com)
Political bystanders were convulsed in laughter today after noting that Liberal Dems’ egos seem to even bigger than their pronounced body parts!
The latest evidence of hubris is that of ex-DNC Chairperson Debbie Wasserman Schultz,(DWS) who claimed “my arse deserves better” after being ‘stuck’ in a business class seat on the Washington to Palm Beach Shuttle where she was heard pleading, “help me, my ass is stuck and I can’t get up!”

Philadelphia, PA – (satireworld.com)
Just How Stupid Does Hillary Think Voters Are?

The Democratic National Convention kicked off today with swirling rumors there was collusion between Debbie Wasserman-Schultz emails and Hillary Clinton concerning the sabotage of the Bernie Sanders Presidential campaign. This accusation highlights the unfair Clinton advantage that cost millions of dollars from Bernie donors and countless hours of the Sander Campaign volunteer’s time.

MIAMI – (satireworld.com)
After a round of Tweetilities, an act of hostilities on Twitter, with ex-presidential candidate Rand Paul over the subject of abortion, DNC mouthpiece Debbie Wasserman Schultz laid out her own views on the subject. Abortion should be safe, free and legal at any age of the child. (We assume this means up to the moment of birth and not after, but we’re trying to verify this with Wasserman’s office.) In the meantime, keep your children close.

A local accused rapist has been found to be very skilled at throwing a football during football games...

It’s the first time a judicial ruling on a haircut has been made since the famous ‘Barnet formula’, which created a precedent on rhyming slang for barbers which has now passed into Geordie Shore.

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz is “appalled”, but Bernie Sanders is “satisfied” with the decision.

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...