Amid growing talk about a contested Republican convention in Cleveland, GOP presidential front-runner Donald Trump expressed concern about the city’s welfare if anyone but him gets the party’s nomination.

'We were watching the news as North Korea lobbed some shells into an empty expanse of sea, then South Korea did exactly the same and we looked at each other and said 'now that is pointless'! Richard laughed and suggested I try and get both countries on the phone.'

N. Korea—The Glorious Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Un, announced today his country has a bomb capable of annihilating several American fictional cities. Jong Un stated, “We can now take out Springfield, South Park, and Toon Town with impunity. Our delivery range and new missile system is vastly improved over the Limp Dong I and the…

Nostradamus, the French apothecary, break-dancer and unicyclist, published erotic novels and collections of prophecies that are known around the world. Multi-talented, not only was Nostradamus a diviner, he was a ventriloquist and a keen basketball player, and it is common knowledge that he wrote...

A majority of registered Democrats who have an unfavorable view of Donald Trump would actually support the controversial Republican frontrunner in a general election if he simply changed his campaign slogan to something less brash.

Gordon, Iowa – (satireworld.com)

Speaking to a crowd of twenty-something Millennials in Iowa, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton spoke out in support of parents choosing tattooing and body piercings of their children some as early as 6 months as a way of promoting individuality and celebrating a personal diverse way of life

MIAMI, Florida (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Marco Rubio said Thursday that he plans to leave the government after the end of his Senate term, and that he’s not interested in being anyone’s Vice President. “I’m not going to be Vice President,” the Florida Senator told reporters Thursday. “I’m not running for governor of Florida, I’m…

37 year-old Robert Klein of San Diego has yet to murder his family after losing his job last week, a local news agency reported this morning.

"...46% of surveyed Americans thought the lounge was the optimal place for the murder, though they were impossibly divided about whether the wrench or the pipe, or something else, was the best tool to kill the two-party system by revenge-fueled blunt force trauma."

It is a great pleasure to write for the newest daily newspaper in the country today as Home Secretary to share my love of custard.

Ireland's ecosystem has been snake-free for so long that native fauna would be seriously ill-equipped to cope with snakes, and in a recent study, most Irish were unable to identify a snake upon sight, calling them 'strange wiggly bits of rope.'

Back again for another year, but now will the worst Prize Pack yet!

Amid jubilant cheers and cries for her to deliver a speech in the wake of her victories in four state primaries on Tuesday, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton appeared on a stage in front of thousands of supporters and ate a bowl of gravel.

Saying that spending time on the campaign trail was “super fun” and that he learned a lot about “politics and stuff,” South Florida student Marco Rubio has returned to high school to complete his senior year.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential frontrunner and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton promised her rival U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont he could have all of his progressive political positions back after she won the primary. Clinton confessed she considered her theft of Bernie's policy stances a politically expedient short-term loan.

apepper

 

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

As many pundits point out, as goes the hair of Ohio, so goes the hair of the nation.

CHICAGO, Illinois (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - The woman who was photographed making a Nazi salute at the canceled Donald Trump rally in Chicago last week thought that the Republican presidential candidate was a direct descendant of Adolf Hitler. The photo showing Birgitt Peterson, 69, in a Trump t-shirt, eyes locked with a protester, her…