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Already the excitement is palpable as thousands are in attendance at the Aintree racecourse, with the men in their suits and the women dressed as their favourite jockeys. It’s a grand day for horse racing and no race is grander than the Grand National.
The audacious plan was announced by Alex Salmond who admitted he was no fan of vegetables.
WASHINGTON (The Barbed Wire) - Now that this election cycle has been thrown into chaos for both political parties, news anchors, pundits, and cable guests can talk of nothing else than possible brokered conventions. A "brokered, open, or contested convention" is defined by Wikipedia as: a political clusterf**k, see also "the last thing voters want."
JACKSON, Mississippi (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant signed House Bill 1523 into law on Tuesday, and while supporters believe the new law will protect people's right to "religious freedom" from "government discrimination," critics argue that it's the "most sweeping anti-LGBT" legislation in the U.S." But there is one fine print provision…
A "Smart Gun" capable of identifying whether a person poses a true threat to its carrier could drastically reduce the number of accidental gun-related deaths in the US and around the world, its manufacturer Houser Firearms says.
David Cameron denied owning a panama hat today, just days after returning from holiday.

Washington DC – (satireworld.com)
It may be discriminatory for landlords to refuse to rent to people with criminal records according to King Obama, even though the Fair Housing Act doesn’t include criminals as a protected class. US Housing and Urban Development (HUD) is twisting facts via circular reasoning for the king to play the race card.
The couple – Andy Reading (29) and Louise Palmer (28) – made the decision to fill the empty void in their relationship with a child after days of awkward silence forced an interaction between them.
"The gays and their LGBT co-conspirators are trying to convince Mississippi they are actual people worthy of equal protection under the law, and we aren't about to allow that to happen," promised Bryant.
Hollywood, CA -(satireworld.com)

The long lost Star Trek episodes have been found in an abandoned vault in Century City. The lost episodes have been a frequent subject of conversation at Trekkie conventions for almost twenty five years. The revelation that they were found intact, and in their original sealed containers, has raised hopes that they will be released for sale soon.
Los Angeles, CA – (satireworld.com)
Minority groups across the United States were visually upset and preparing to march against their local cable companies at the announcement of a new television station. White Entertainment Television (WET) will make its debut in November on over 92% of cable and all satellite systems. Those systems not yet signed up expect to be on board with the new plan before the end of this month.
Cameron said: ‘This whole tax thing is silly. Let’s talk about the things that really matter – like whether I fucked that pig or not. That’s what the people really want to know. And I’d like to say that I’ve never had traditional sex with a pig.’
After Man Hijacks Airliner With Make Believe Bomb, Top Tory MP Calls for Action Against Terrorists with Imaginary Weapons. Demands Schools act to Stunt Children's Imaginations to Prevent them Becoming Radically Over Stimulated.
The loss came just days after Donald Trump got his head stuck in a bucket whilst hosting a campaign rally in Wisconsin, and there is clearly no love lost between the the former star of TV’s The Apprentice and The Badger State.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Until yesterday, applicants for U.S. citizenship had to study 100 civics test questions from which the immigration officer will ask 10, and the applicants must answer at least 6 correctly. Today, the Department of Homeland Security, through the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS), released the new…
"As everyone knows, Wisconsin treated me very unfairly last night by voting for that loser Ted Cruz. Unbelievably unfairly, actually. I don't think anyone in the history of the world has been treated more unfairly than me with what Wisconsin just did to me," explained Trump.
Chicago IL – (satireworld.com)
The Chairman of the Philosophy Department at the University of Chicago has announced the addition of two new philosophy classes beginning in the upcoming fall semester of 2016. These classes are required for politically correct liberal philosophy majors. However, these classes are elective minors for conservative students (if there are any on campus) and those who don’t believe that approximately 0.3% of the US population should radically affect legislation for the other 99.7%.
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been accused of ‘taxi evasion’ by Boris Johnson in an attempt to cover up some much more serious accusations about members of his own party.
In a surprisingly frank interview David Cameron responded to calls for clarification on the Panama Papers scandal involving his father Ian Cameron by with unrestrained laughter and saying, "I honestly don't know how we're getting away with this shit!"
Dear Mr. Toomey: Can I call you Pat? Hey Pat, please stop that ad campaign during which you attempt to justify and seek approval for your abandonment of the U. S. Constitution. I’m tired of you telling me how it’s my choice as to who fills in the vacant Supreme Court seat. Personally, I would pick Brian…

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