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WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a TNA poll discovered 71% of Americans were in favor of renewed hostilities between Fox News and Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. The mutually assured destruction of both lying, far-right, and bigoted entities was seen as a positive for the political discourse of the country.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The latest FOX News-Washington Post poll shows Donald Trump pulling away from his closest Relublican rivals in the presidential race. Latest numbers show Trump at 45% compared to second placers Ted Cruz and Jeb Bush who are now tied at 12%. Trump's poll surge has been largely…
The Department of Transport has confirmed that BMW drivers will continue to be exempt from queueing at roadworks for a further year. ‘We try to give a good half mile notice of lane closures so that non-BMWs can get out of the way, enabling BMWs to get straight to the bottleneck without waiting,’ a spokesman explained.
Donald John Trump’s poll surge has me thinking that Johnny Gentle, a character in David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest might possibly be a prediction made by the late author. Johnny Gentle is written as a former singer and now President of the United States ...
Lake Forest, IL –  February blues.  That’s how 14 year old Manny Worthem puts it.  We found him hanging out at a local Denny’s by himself drinking soda after soda and drowning his sorrows in a massive stack of pancakes.
BANGKOK, Thailand (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Authorities have tripled to $85,000 a reward for information leading to the arrest of the main suspect in the Erawan shrine bombing that killed 20 people at one of Bangkok's top tourist attractions. The increased reward was announced after investigators said that very little progress was being made in locating…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Fox News and conservatives from around the country continued to make respectful statements of support and give their best wishes to former President Jimmy Carter, who announced he has brain cancer and a grim prognosis. The reverent tone of the conservative statements to Carter encouraged many Americans that perhaps all semblance of respectful discourse may not have been removed from their country's politics.
Sunny and Jeremy talk about a Metro Councilman whose email is part of the Ashley Madison hack, and Catfish Stevens tells us about how he threatened to whip Lou Reed's stoned ass.
A Baton Rouge man believes the somewhat sultry female voice he regularly hears on the local NPR station belongs to an extremely attractive woman.
A Prairieville husband was upset to discover that neither his name nor any of his contact information was part of the recent Ashley Madison hacking scandal.
CRAWFORD, TEXAS (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier this morning, Former President George W. Bush ignored Republican pleas to pretend he didn't exist and publicly endorsed his brother Jeb for the Republican presidential nomination. The former president gave a press conference from his Crawford, Texas ranch and urged Americans to support Jeb, because "he is a good doobie who will be just like me."
‘We shamefully at on our hands during the Rachel Dolezal controversy, ‘ said a spokesman for the popular sing and dance troupe, ‘but now another of our brothers is being victimised for not being truly black, or even blackish, so we have to stand up and be counted ... in, one, two three.. oh, de mixed up races sing dis song, doo dah..’
Iowa decides to highlight ‘true nature of American politics’ by penning presidential candidates. This year’s crop of Presidential weeds… er… candidates made their appearance this week at the traditional starting showcase for the presidential primaries, the Iowa State Fair. But this time, the circus was presented in stock pens, “as it should be."
"That should be an Olympic sport, done by people in jet packs obviously." Jimmy Popper, PE Teacher
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are ending their 13-day marriage, agents for each of the Hollywood stars announced today.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Pfizer, the same drug manufacturing company that distributes viagra, the erectile dysfunction pill for men, has announced that it is now recruiting participants for Phase 3 clinical trials on a new investigative drug that could reverse homosexuality. The New York-based company told reporters that it has successfully completed…
LAS VEGAS (The Barbed Wire) - After a town hall meeting here this week, reporters again tried to get Hillary Clinton to come clean over her continuously unraveling email scandal. Revelations keep mounting that the former first lady broke the law and tried to deceive the public about her dealings as Secretary of State.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Republican National Committee (RNC) updated its platform to make it clear Republicans would never stop denying climate change until "credible evidence" was presented. The platform also clearly declared "the extinction of humanity" as being the only evidence Republicans would find to be genuine.
"I don't get Samsung phone flavoured water, but I totally get cheesy feet flavoured water. Mmmmhhh...." Kent Rugby, Flavoured Water Executive

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