Check Please!
'I realise now that I was acting like an idiotic one man kangaroo court, and would like to apologise to the bench,' said Commissioner John Jenkins, after he admitted to locking up Vince Hilaire, for a minor offence, and throwing away the key.
Scott Walker’s priorities are obvious: those of so-called “corporate citizens,” not the other kind. Meet Scott Walker, corporate whore and lousy gambler (with taxpayer money, of course). The Wisconsin governor says he should be America’s next president because he’s a proven budget whacker who, by golly, has dressed down teachers, slashed funding for higher education...
Independence, KY – For the 12th year in a row, some crazy lady in Kentucky has agreed to have 30 animals in her 1400 square foot home at one time.  The animals are all technically ‘pets’ but some are more domesticated than others.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, over two thousand analysts from the conservationist organization Help Save Republican Facts announced it still had not found a single fact voiced by any Republican presidential candidate during Wednesday's debate hosted by CNN. Help Save Republican Facts also declared 77% of its researchers were suffering from acute anxiety attacks after watching the entire second Republican debate numerous times in search of facts.
STOCKHOLM, Sweden (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - When President Barack Obama was announced as the recipient of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, the decision was met with much controversy. Obama admitted that he was surprised by the choice. Conservatives were quick to express their outrage and even supporters of the president questioned whether the award…
SLK52 the world's most advanced robot, has left its developers angry and frustrated after announcing that it will no longer work, opting instead to claim a range of benefits from its home in Wembley.
Pay a visit to your local Planned Parenthood for a new prescription for birth control pills. While you’re there, have the abortion you’ve been putting off. Have protected sex with multiple partners of different religions, races, and genders. Stay home and masturbate.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Last night, Fox News talking head Bill O'Reilly used his show "The O'Reilly Factor" to assert a video showing him kicking a puppy was "100% false." O'Reilly played the video in which he could clearly be seen kicking a puppy and blamed "the liberal media" for producing the footage.
HOLLYWOOD, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - It is not uncommon for Hollywood celebrities to check into rehab to deal with drug or alcohol addictions. But tonight, actor/screenwriter/producer Matt Damon checked into a little-known Los Angeles facility that treats patients with diversity cluelessness. During the season premiere of HBO's "Project Greenlight," Damon shut down producer Effie…
The new iOS 9 update was released this week, and iPhone users all over the country are downloading the new software. But, forDrone.jpg some, their shiny new devices are gone forever.
BOWMAN, Montana--Newly married Shane Dotson, 27, says he was surprised to learn that his wife, Misty, had kept secret certain elements of her academic background.  Dotson, who graduated from Montana Technical Institute with an electrical engineering degree, says he had been led to believe that his new wife, who has a BSN, had only studied…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - General Motors, a person who confessed to killing over 100 people using a defective ignition switch in automobiles it manufactured, agreed to pay $900 million yesterday. This morning, GM announced it was "very sorry" for the first degree murders it was responsible for committing over more than a decade, and asserted a trial resulting in either life in prison or the death penalty was not a realistic criminal penalty for the type of person it was.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - In response to backlash on using white actors to portray Japanese characters, the New York Gilbert & Sullivan Players had just announced that their stage production of THE MIKADO, scheduled for the NYU Skirball Center for Performing Arts this December has been cancelled. The musical, penned…
The GOP is a political party like Spinal Tap is a rock band. Hey, and now their crazies really do go to 11. But how about that feisty Fiorina performance, eh? I have to give her some credit but, amidst that Reagan love-fest, frankly anyone could have done that to her hair. But was that supposed to be a debate? Frodo got…
The BBC today announced a new show, entitled ‘Jez'll Fix It’, to beef up its autumn schedules.

The show, to be broadcast live at noon every Wednesday, will see its avuncular, grey-haired presenter ‘Jez’ Corbyn read out a number of questions sent in by viewers to Prime Minister David Cameron.
“Black Mass” – a film review by Gary Chew Without any surprise for me, there’s only one scene in Black Mass that doesn’t contain the use of that old stand by … the F-Word. It’s when, at the dinner table with his young son, notorious criminal Whitey Bulger is teaching his boy a life lesson...
Simi Valley, CA – As expected, all candidates not named Trump took aim at the frontrunner in the polls in the most recent debate.  For the most part, Trump was able to dodge the feeble attacks from the other weak candidates.
“It’s really awesome because it’s got tons of me in it!” says Matt Damon as he described his latest film to a group of fawning journalists during a press briefing earlier today organized by his production company Matt Damon Is God Productions.
"I tickle torture my cat behind his ears. He fetches me my newspaper now, well more like drags it to me... But, on balance, brilliant."

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