Houston, TX—Justin Russell of Bellaire remains trapped on a Whataburger rooftop since Hurricane Harvey savaged the Houston area last Friday. The man claims to be struggling with weight gain, lethargy, and excessive flatulence. He told the Discord, “Look, I’ve watched the film Supersize Me, so I know I don’t have a lot of time! I can feel my arteries…

Little known fact: Practically every skyscraper in every one of the world’s cities is essentially made of sand. As are nearly all shopping malls, condo complexes, office towers, parking garages, airport terminals, dams and other large structures.

Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com)
Actors are often accused of being irritatingly reticent about their private lives – unwilling to satisfy fans’ and journalists’ curiosity about aspects of their life off the film sets. But that’s not something that can be said of Michael Douglas’ latest interview. Asked whether he ascribed his 2010 throat cancer diagnosis to a lifetime of drinking and smoking, he replied particularly frankly:

Branson, MO-(SatireWorld.com)

A senior citizen bus trip from the Pleasant Sunsets Senior home in Springfield, IL to Branson, a popular tourist mecca in SW Missouri, caused some trouble for the retirees and a run in with the law as well.
As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman, Bertha Mellonklump, came up to the bus driver Amos Cal Fischer complaining about being molested by a man while she was seated in the back row.

As airlines continue to reduce the space available for passenger seating, one man struggles to keep his sanity after being squeezed into a monitor.

Just because you never hear these things in college doesn't mean they aren't true. Especially the parts about cheating, masturbation, and taking advantage of helpless animals.

Every day until Thursday, there’ll be a new instalment in our latest “Who Said it First?” quiz series. Previously, it was Tony Blair and Hitler. This time, it’s the Garcon-Wonder, Emmanuel Macron. On the fourth and final day, the quiz answers will appear. Make sure to tell your friends; and feel free to share the […]

Theresa May has excited fans by re-energising her reign with a series of inter-cut training shots, accompanied by the theme tune to Steptoe and Son. Stripped to the waist, her fetlocks flowing in the wind, the Maybot 2000 ran in slow motion through a field of genetically modified wheat, followed by repeatedly dropping a dispatch...

And rightly so.

Comedian Kathy Griffin is interviewed by our intrepid radio talk show host, Jerry Duncan.

ANNOUNCER Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out.

Securing the southern hemisphere has been quite difficult. Dealing with all these aliens coming through the sky has been a challenge for the Terrestrial Emperor. Then, there is the pressing problem of mutants being born.  The world has seen a series of conflicts over the years and continues to struggle with how to solve this problem. “I knew my dream had to come true one day: mutants and humans should be able to set aside their differences and have a sandwich together,” says Virginia Steele, a theoretical physicist living in Las Vegas, NV. “I mean there I was on my way to gamble the rest of m

Pasadena, CA – (SatireWorld.com)
Rose Bowl Parade officials sent an official notice to members of the elite North Korean Army’s women’s precision marching cadre that has angered North Korean strongman, Kim Sung Un. The letter gave official notice that due to recent international nuclear tensions, the participation of the 5,000 member all women North Korean precision marching army will not be allowed to travel to Southern California. The annual parade showcases the annual Rose Bowl football spectacular held in Pasadena each January 1st.

Somewhere in North Korea – (SatireWorld.com)
North Korea threatened the United States on Thursday with a preemptive ‘retalitory march’ by 100,000 North Korean soldiers, raising the level of rhetoric while the U.N. Security Council considers new sanctions against the reclusive country.
North Korea has accused the United States of using military drills in South Korea as a launch pad for a nuclear war and has scrapped the armistice with Washington that ended long marches by weary soldiers in the 1950-53 Korean Marcher’s War.

Inventors Gregory Hager and Nicolas Padoy discovered an artificial way to get robots and their operators to collaborate by changing their mode of interaction. This has to be the greatest collaboration since eggs met bacon. They called their apparatus the Human Machine Collaborative (HMC) system.

Anvils, molten steel, but not oversized hammers, are moderately starred this month, as are oversized hats and trombones.

Women who inadvertently purr and men who grunt are badly starred particularly in the shower.

Beware the tolling of the bell for which you previously asked whom it tolled. Nothing good will come of it.

Our kids are often more perceptive than we give them credit for, and as any parent raising a child in today's web connected world already knows, it's nearly impossible to shield them from the world's most unpleasant truths. The fact that the president of their country and the most powerful man in the world is literally, certifiably mentally ill, for example, can be a difficult topic to broach, but is one that is immensely important.

New York, NY – (satireworld.com)
On Friday’s broadcast of HBO’s “Real Time,” host Bill Maher stated that President Trump is engaging in dehumanization of the media in a manner that is comparable to Rwanda and Nazi Germany. The remarks came right on cue after similar scripted statements were broadcast by CNN, MSNBC, and by George Stefanopolous on ABC.

"The moon is just exactly the right size to fit in front of the Sun which is millions of miles behind it? Give over if you think that is a random occurrence," said a man wearing robes, standing by a river and with angelic music playing behind him, this morning.

The Garcon-Wonder Emmanuel Macron is facing some stiff challenges in times to come. Not least, the somewhat superficially sinister character of some of his pronouncements. Can you work out which quotes are from Macron, and which are from Mussolini? 1. The status quo leads to self-destruction. 2. Socialism is a fraud, a comedy, a phantom, […]

Dunkin' Donuts Energy Punch mixes the sugar and caffeine of a can of Monster Energy with the additional sugar of Coolata syrup. Talk about a jolt!