The modern world is such a topsy-turvy place these days. Everyone is going a hundred miles an hour, doing five things at a time, would it be any big surprise to any of us if we found out that at some point over the course of our hectic lives that we killed a few prostitutes? That in the midst of all those work meetings and family gatherings, press junkets and business trips that we bumped off a hooker or two?

Who or what are behind Radio Midnight, the mysterious phone in radio station which has allegedly been terrorising unsuspecting Britons in dead of night? Up and down the country there have been reports of phones ringing during the witching hour, with anyone answering them finding themselves confronted by the so called ‘Night Caller’, who claims to be from Radio Midnight.

Militant vegans eaten by lions as they shout 'Meat is Murder' at big cats. Anti carnivore group affirms ambition to 'convert' predatory animals to vegetarianism. RSPCA brands 'carnivore conversion' programme 'animal cruelty' as allegedly successful subjects die of malnutrition.

Is latest Novichok attack further evidence that UK government being held to ransom by international crime syndicate? Or is Boris Johnson the criminal 'mastermind' behind plot to blackmail Prime Minister into implementing 'Hard Brexit'?

So, I was reading the other day as to how when the Queen finally shuffles off this mortal coil, we'll get two extra bank holidays: one for the funeral, one for the coronation of her successor. Which means that we'll have to hope that she pops her clogs during the Summer so that we'll have the best chance of being able to fully enjoy these extra days off...

A Brooklyn man's daring plan to preserve the "Necco" candy brand would require extraordinary measures never before used in the confectionery industry.

The Trump Administration gave endangered status to five species of White American Wage Earners today, replacing the Northern Gray Otter on The Endangered Species List. In a tandem move, the administration also eliminated every other animal and plant from the list.

Using 1.2 trillion dollars of US treasury bills it controls as collateral, the Chinese government today agreed to step in and purchase American farms going bankrupt due to the ongoing trade war waged by the president. US farmers will be permitted to continue speaking English, says the Chinese government.

Backstabbing Institute of America – (satireworld.com)

Jane Fonda, long called Hanoi Jane by anyone who actually remembers the 60’s in anything other than a drugged out haze, has been voted the top American Traitor in an independent news poll. The results of the poll, which will air on a new reality series to be titled “America’s Biggest Traitor,” had Fonda beating out such other famous people as Benedict Arnold, the Rosenburgs, and Aldrich Ames.

U.S. Government court filings on alleged Russian spy Maria Butina included the following letter, translated here, among its numerous pieces of documentary evidence.

Man startled by 'living statue' vows to 'take back the streets from the street entertainers', Claims that public spaces increasingly cluttered by presence of untalented and intimidating street 'performers'. War declared on jugglers, buskers, living statues and other 'performers' of no artistic merit.

Shot on the streets of Smethwick, Postmark Evil is an insane mix of horror and crime featuring an apparently demonic postman searching for a stolen artefact possessed of evil powers. Made on a miniscule budget, it is part of a cycle of direct-to-video exploitation releases produced by and starring Reg Smedley, all filmed in the West Midlands.

Match Made in Heaven? Top tabloid announces plans to create own celebrity couple, with exclusive rights to stream entire relationship, reality TV-style. Every significant event, from first intercourse to eventual spectacular break up will be available to subscribers.

Des Moines, Iowa – (satireworld.com)

At a Wednesday press conference in Iowa President Donald Trump addressed his concerns about his past opponent’s health and vitality and especially the reports she was wearing a medical alert device. He also questioned her ability to properly function without succumbing to bouts of pain in which she might require doses of powerful medications which he felt could cloud her ‘good judgement’ or result in more trips and falls..

48 year-old Rick Motter of Sarasota, Florida etched the letters 'JO' into the back of his hand with a ballpoint pen this morning, a quick reminder to his future self to masturbate later in the day.

NEW YORK CITY – (satireworld.com)
After a crazed gunman killed two people in a Louisiana movie theater during a screening of her movie Trainwreck, comedian Amy Schumer, cousin of Democratic brainiac Senator Chuck Schumer, became the latest celebrity to make a public plea for gun control. At a press conference, she offered her advice for people who find themselves defenseless in a gun-free zone.

New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com)
Coming off an apparent fart she popped while on live TV last week, Whoopi Goldberg declared on her show “The View” Tuesday that communism is “a great concept” that “makes perfect sense.”

Although the period after World War II is generally remembered as an existential struggle between two nuclear superpowers to control the planet earth, Republicans this week revealed that it was, in fact, just a comical series of miscommunications.

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Could be difficult for a broader audience to empathize with protagonists who are all young, Thai boys. Angelina Jolie has just become available!