Trump Administration Replaces Northern Gray Otter with White American Wage Earner on Endangered Species List

The Trump Administration gave endangered status to five species of White American Wage Earners today, replacing the Northern Gray Otter on The Endangered Species List.

In a tandem move, the administration also eliminated every other animal and plant from the list.

"Don't get me wrong, otters are cute, and they make great detectives - I saw one once at Sea World. But it's time they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps," President Trump remarked. "Meanwhile, average working class Americans need all the help they can get."

Once comprising over 70% of the US population, the White American Wage Earner has been impacted by a variety of threats, including habitat loss and cultural shift as a result of an influx of immigrant species and evolving mores.

"Take the Midwestern Heterosexual White Wage Earner, for instance," US Fish and Wildlife Director Donald Spencer posed. "A proud species known for their affinity for tract homes, pickup trucks, racial ambivalence and all you can eat buffets, many are now having to travel as far as 20 miles in their F-150s to reach a Home Town Buffet."

"It's sad. My town used to be all white," one male Heterosexual White Wage Earner still living in Centerville, Ohio commented. "Now it's only about 80% Caucasian."

"Not that there's anything wrong with that," the man added.

In order to maintain the species' ability to thrive in the face of mounting environmental pressures, the Trump Administration has proposed the redrawing of White Heterosexual Wage Earner congressional districts to reinforce the stability of their fragile way of life.