Thousands of low-income elderly Americans scared by proposed draconian federal budget cuts and the prospect of skyrocketing health care costs are taking solace in President Donald Trump’s campaign promise that a venerable holiday greeting will enjoy a resurgence under his leadership.

Why not try a couple of these out when you’re saying something that should be shoved back down your throat along with a copy of the bill rights?

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - People around the world get to enjoy an extra day this year, a leap year. It happens once every four years when the month of February has a 29th day. Filipinos, however, get not one but two additional days this year. There is a February 30th in the…

On the heels of successfully renaming the “North American Free Trade Agreement” as the “United States-Mexico-Canada Agreement,” President Trump followed up today by announcing a new title for the country’s popular national anthem.

Scientists finally prove Kanyecentrism.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Amid speculation that Republican nominee Donald Trump will soon quit the presidential race, a clear choice is emerging on who the GOP will name as a replacement:  Clint Eastwood. The 86-year-old four-time Oscar winner, is a prominent celebrity supporter of the Republican Party who appeared at its 2012 US presidential…

Dingleberry Falls, CT - (satireworld.com)

Family members, who have all desired to remain anonymous, have admitted that they are considering having Rosie O’Donnell fixed. “Rosie has been peeing on the furniture and gnawing on table legs and snapping at people, ” admitted one relative. “She also feels the need to bend herself into weird positions and lick her crotch in front of company. We just need to try to calm her down and get her to stop humping everyone’s legs… and the vet suggested that maybe cutting off her balls might help decrease her aggression.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Thy Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - In one of his campaign stops, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump was asked what his cabinet would like in as far as women are concerned. In response, Trump hinted that he would appoint his daughter Ivanka to a key cabinet position, saying she is definitely qualified and would…

"Republicans need to stop being the same suckers I convinced to support me in 2012," said a fully aflame Romney.

Sierra Nevada Mountain - (satireworld.com)
An archaeological study of the remains of the Donner Party shows that the survivors who had to turn to cannibalism preferred white meat to dark meat. The group, who was stranded in the Sierra Nevada mountains of California in the winter of 1846-47 appear to have eaten about 20% more breast meat than thigh or leg meat from those who died.

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - In yet another report that seeks to put President Rodigo Duterte and the Philippines in a bad light, The New York Times posted a documentary to show the world that Filipinos are living in fear and grief as a result of alleged extra-judicial killings due to the government's campaign…

Human rights groups are speaking out against the latest form of punishment carried out by the terror organization known as ISIS: forcing prisoners to watch the 2016 movie “Suicide Squad” -- to death.

DETROIT, Michigan (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - You saw it all at last night's Republican presidential debate. Donald Trump held up his two hands and asked the audience if they looked like small hands to them.  Then, referring to Marco Rubio's previous comments that something else in Trump was mostly likely small as well,…

In a bid to secure thousands of low-paying jobs that no American wants, a caravan of workers from Central America stormed the US border with a goal of replacing roofs, harvesting farm produce, cleaning up hotel rooms, and generally taking care of the US population against their will.

Former ambassador Susan Rice has been outed as the villain who “unmasked” President Trump and his aides last year after spying on them. Now, she's been unmasked.

A local man would have had a chance to have sex with a woman way out of his league had he just cleaned his bathroom....

"So Americans need to just forget the idea of higher education funded by the government and a tax on Wall Street speculation. We can't afford to do it, because my foreign policy is going to be pretty expensive in blood and treasure," explained Clinton.

Does A Bear Poop In The Woods?

The United States National Park Service officially clarified what was mostly snide jokes and hearsay remarks concerning the bathroom habits of North American bears. Today, Ranger Bud Ricks held a press conference at the Wilds Federal Reserve addressing the pressing issue of where a wild bear actually does his ‘scat’.

Hyannis Port, MA – (satireworld.com)
“Dem Bones, Dem Bones, them Bones keep Moving around!” were the comments from Kennedy watchers following the latest shocking news on the continuing saga of Robert Kennedy who won’t rest until he moves his former wife’s remains far from the Kennedy compound in Hyannis Port.

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, and Maxine Waters claim that they were insulted at a local Washington D.C. restaurant went they went out to lunch on Wednesday (October 31st). Said Pelosi, “we were on a break from out duties in the House and Senate and went together to get a bite to eat. Che Francois had the audacity to tell us that we our costumes were okay, but that we needed to remove our Halloween fright masks before being allowed to enter their restaurant. None of us were wearing masks! I have never been so insulted!”