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Family members, who have all desired to remain anonymous, have admitted that they are considering having Rosie O’Donnell fixed. “Rosie has been peeing on the furniture and gnawing on table legs and snapping at people, ” admitted one relative. “She also feels the need to bend herself into weird positions and lick her crotch in front of company. We just need to try to calm her down and get her to stop humping everyone’s legs… and the vet suggested that maybe cutting off her balls might help decrease her aggression.”

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