Sierra Vista, AZ—The Head of Homeland Incarceration, Sherriff Joe Aripio, is pleased to announce the opening of a Delaware-sized prison in the heart of the U.S. Sonaran desert. President Trump told the press today, “This is huge. No, really, it’s a big place. By allowing the free market to work we are shifting the management…

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A source in Ivanka Trump Kushner’s staff has leaked secret arrangements, showing that Ivanka is preparing for all contingencies, now that the negotiations between her husband and the Russians have surfaced. She made a person to person phone call to Giorgio Armani giving him her husband’s measurements...

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for.

Astronauts aboard an International Space Station are on the brink of a discovery that will shake the whole human race. How it shakes out … is for you to see and find out. I will say, though, it does have to do with earth orbit space and...

Phoenix, AZ—President Trump was all smiles today upon hearing the news our veterans will no longer be forced to wait around VA centers for days, weeks or even months only to find out no services are available. Biff Lang of the Phoenix Regional Veterans No-Benefits Office said, “It’s really simple now. There’s no funding, so there’s no sense hanging around…

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for.

The TPP is written specifically to sanction and increase the robbery of the many by the world’s moneyed few. The basic problem facing the corporate and political powers that want you and me to swallow their Trans-Pacific Partnership deal is that they can’t make chicken salad out of chicken manure.

“Trumpcare did go up for a vote today and it overwhelmingly passed if you understand alternative mathmatics. Democrats and the lame stream media simply forget to carry the alternate one.” —Kellyanne Conway

Tweet Tower—Two turkeys, Ozzy & Harriet, are desperately awaiting word of the president’s overdue pardon. The National Pardoning Ceremony is a time honored tradition, but, thus far in his presidency, Donald Trump has ignored most customs and traditions. The turkeys are demanding the president keep his word and pardon the two before they become the guests of honor…

With only a mere year between now and the 2016 presidential election, two movies just out appear to be efforts at raising the sophistication level among voters: one at a rather high level; the other, not so much.

The Peery Hotel is a groovy old western hotel located near the heart of downtown Salt Lake City. What’s even better is how it’s a stone’s throw away from Squatters and Red Rock Brewery. I know, because after they threw me out I think I was able to hit both of them from my hotel window. This is my second trip…

Little known fact: Practically every skyscraper in every one of the world’s cities is essentially made of sand. As are nearly all shopping malls, condo complexes, office towers, parking garages, airport terminals, dams and other large structures.

Over the years I have been hard on all forms of fundamentalism, regardless of the particular brand. So, Mr. McDooris, I see your “the Qur’an was revealed to Muhammad” myth and raise you a “burning Bush” one (which, incidentally, should have happened due to his war crimes). Whereas I expect more from our own, you expect less and…

Houston, TX—Justin Russell of Bellaire remains trapped on a Whataburger rooftop since Hurricane Harvey savaged the Houston area last Friday. The man claims to be struggling with weight gain, lethargy, and excessive flatulence. He told the Discord, “Look, I’ve watched the film Supersize Me, so I know I don’t have a lot of time! I can feel my arteries…

 

In America, we face a momentous choice: a food future rooted in the ethic of sustainable agriculture, or in exploitative agri-industry.

by Michael Egan.Spooky former Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia admitted from Purgatory that his ‘Originalist’ theories were just ‘arglebargle, applesauce and jiggery-pokery.’ PURGATORY – Demands by the Heritage Foundation that late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia be permitted to vote “from beyond the grave” have been unexpectedly realized. However, the Foundation is unlikely to be pleased. A [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.