WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and fired Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina announced her desire to have the USS Ronald Reagan - a Nimitz-class supercarrier - as "a golden parachute" when Congress impeached her for gross incompetence as president. Fiorina also continued to hit back at her critics by claiming she could not be considered a failed CEO at HP due to the fact she walked away with about $21 million if she promised never to return.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, American millennials reflected on how many things needed to be fixed in the wake of their parents, which they concluded were members of the "Most Selfish Generation" in American history. Millennials realized the Most Selfish Generation was giving them "a colossal mess to clean up" due to its refusal to pay for anything it uses, its conscious decision not to invest in any future projects other than military expenditures, and its embrace of social conflicts meant to distract Americans while the super-rich rob everyone else in broad daylight and exa

In a recent poll carried out by the University of Creative Studies, presidential hopeful Ben Carson polled strongly among hardline bigots.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, Fox Entertainment Group, Inc. apologized for any confusion and announced Fox News was not a news network and never had been. The parent company of the non-news network declared Fox News was actually a bold reality show giving Americans a live look into the world of people so mentally ill they needed to reside in a mental health facility for the safety of others and themselves.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she was going to legally change her name to "Bernie Sanders." Clinton's decision to change her name followed weeks of her claiming to have exactly the same progressive positions as rival Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont, who continued to gain on Clinton in various polls of likely Democratic primary voters.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and billionaire Donald Trump announced the formation of Brownshirts for Trump, an elite club for his most enthusiastic supporters. The Republican frontrunner explained members of the Brownshirts will wear brown shirts and engage in political outreach operations - mainly at night - to interact with non-Trump supporters, those with "anti-American political ideas," and "anyone who doesn't look American."

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, staffers representing most of the Republican presidential candidates met to discuss the demands they will make of all future debates, but the meeting quickly focused on ponies. Staffers agreed every candidate should have a debate animal to sit on, and a majority of the presidential campaigns voted for debate ponies.

HAVE YOU EVER worried that not enough data is being collected on you? That collection is too limited in its scope and doesn’t really capture the whole experience that is you with a capital Y? I mean you are building a life story here, playing the lead in the movie of your life, and finally the seats of the theatre are full—but...

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, President Obama announced the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) - a massive multinational trade deal the president intends to sign - will protect the freedom of all Americans to not afford life-saving medicines. Instead, TPP will allow pharmaceutical companies to make more blood money by allowing them to keep longer patents on their drugs, and almost indefinitely prevent critical, far more affordable generic drugs from entering the American market.

Following a deadly shootout among five rival motorcycle gangs at a Twin Peaks restaurant in Waco, TX, the head of the Hooters restaurant chain reminded Americans that they can still eat subpar food served by garishly sluttified women in relative safety at his company’s eateries.

Washington, D.C. –  Feeling the wrath of the American public waking up momentarily to see how dumb Carly Fioina and Ben Carson really are, the two have announced a bold move to inject their campaigns full of life again.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - Citing a major conflict of interest, Justice Anthony Kennedy said today that he will be recusing himself from further deliberations and the eventual vote by the Supreme Court as it prepares to issue a landmark decision on gay marriage in the United States. The Supreme Court is expected to rule…

Cambridge, MA – Having sex just got more expensive. Dynapork Corporation of Cambridge has been granted a patent on the process of "biological reproduction," and plans to charge licensing fees for any human wishing to engage in a "sexual act that may result in reproduction."

Hollywood Stars Declare War on ISIS in Retaliation for Terrorists Continued Failure to Acknowledge their Cultural Significance by Not Attacking Los Angeles. Claim latest Attacks in Paris Have Caused Extreme Trauma to their Egos.

Jeremy, Sunny, and David Vitrano discuss Mayor Kip Holden's unorthodox grammar before surprise guest Jeramaine Jingles drops by.

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA  (The Adobo Chronicles) - It's payback time for Donald Trump! When the 2015 Miss Universe Beauty Pageant unfolds at the Planet Hollywood resort in Las Vegas on December 20, there will be fewer contestants and none of the traditional top contenders and title holders. It is the biggest boycott of the pageant,…

Spoof horoscopes - June 2015

A SELECTION OF OUR MOST PRESTIGIOUS AWARDS

Hog Huggers Horoscope Of The Millennium So Far
Marsupials Daily, Most Accurate Horoscope, March 2013
Anti Swearing League Horoscope Of The Year Special Mention For Not Cursing, July 2014
Water Slider Horoscope Of The Year 2014
'Funny Horoscope Best Read With Raspberry Jelly-Jam At Breakfast Award' From 'The Toast For Breakfast Jelly-Jam Association' 2013 (also runner up in the 'Blackcurrant Jelly-Jam' category and highly commended in both the Strawberry Jelly-Jam and Marmalade sections)

We have been availab

We scour the web for the political humor videos so you don't have to. No tasteless junk here, just the good stuff. Laugh and enjoy this humor video gallery.

"When he takes that white vest off he'll have a white shaped vest shape on his tanned body. Phnarf."

In my 15 years working as a librarian, I've learned that we do plenty of things for our patrons that aren't in our job descriptions. By Roz Warren.