Omar Mateen, the man who carried out an ISIS-inspired attack in a gay bar in Orlando last weekend, is reportedly suffering from “intense disappointment” in the afterlife upon finding no young men among his allocated 72 virgins.

Scientists looking for alien life on other planets have been looking in the wrong place, according to an independent telescope owner and his mates.

Hoping to capitalize on Vladimir Putin's decisive electoral victory, President Trump says Republicans can build on that momentum in 2018 US Midterms.

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer used the majority of his daily briefing today to discuss findings that, once all are confirmed, Donald Trump's cabinet will have the largest penis size of any cabinet ever assembled in US history.

Was the Salisbury nerve agent attack which has left a former Russian spy and his daughter fighting for their lives actually a ‘false flag’ attack organised by the local council in an attempt to create publicity for the city? Council insider makes incredible claims as Boris Johnson prepares to penalise Russia for attack by mooning their London embassy.

The American press should be quiet, fellate Steve Bannon, and prepare him a tasty sandwich, President Donald Trump’s chief strategist told The New York Times in an interview via telephone Wednesday.

Camp David, MD – (SatireWorld.com)
Feeling the heat from pro-hunting and gun ownership groups the President has arranged for a publicized skeet shoot where he will attempt to shoot an apple off the head of his most trusted supporter, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz while using his own personal Benelli 12 gauge shotgun using number 6 shot. According to press secretary Josh Earnest, “This will prove once and for all that the President loves guns and hates Jews!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - For more than 24 hours, Democrats led by Representative John Lewis (D-Georgia), staged a sit-in on the floor of Congress to demand action on sensible gun legislation.  The protest follows the recent shooting at an Orlando gay bar, killing 49 people and injuring scores of others. House Democrats…

BALESIN ISLAND, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) -  First it was Boracay Island that Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte ordered closed for rehabilitation.  Now it’s Balesin Island. The closure order came just hours after yet another Filipino celebrity wedding was held on the island — that of television host Billy Crawford and model/actress Coleen Garcia. For…

Trump's unusual sentence structure proves once and for all that tense matters.

Jimmy Pollsters, of Pollsters, Pollsters And Pollsters (Great Britain), who predicted a comfortable win for pollsters in the latest referendum, was unavailable for comment last night 'whilst his latest cheque was being cleared', his assistant told this newspaper.

London’s Natural History Museum has been forced to rethink the entry requirements for its Wildlife Photographer of the Year awards as, once again, a prizewinning entry has been disqualified.

New York – Although many have scoffed at the notion that a travel ban will keep infidels out of the United States, Donald Trump has once again proven to be on target.  And his camp is livid.  After a federal judge in Seattle put a temporary stay on the ban, it has allowed for the dangerous King Nefarious to enter our country right in the heart of New York City.  He landed at JFK airport this morning and security watched him walk straight out into the masses.  There was nothing they could do about it.

Republican senator Dalton Holms has long defended his stance that homosexuality is a choice but now...

Emora, NM – (satireworld.com)

Key leaders in the Democratic Party are calling for the ban of Romaine Lettuce (now called assault lettuce). According to figures from the CDC (Center for Disease Control), there have now been more than 150 reported cases of food borne illness reported in over 30 states due to Assault Lettuce. There have already been deaths.

Harvey Wray is just your normal local ex amateur cage-fighter turned substitute social studies teacher but Wray noticed that many times his temporary students would not listen to him.

As the administration scrambles to fill vacancies on the federal bench, a folder containing an African American judge was inadvertently forwarded to the Senate, and quickly retrieved by the White House.

In the middle of a rather uncivil war, Jeremy Corbyn has seen over half of his Shadow Cabinet resign, and even some of the replacements have since stepped down. Desperate times call for desperate measures, which must be why Corbyn was spotted with a clipboard, pleading for people to join the Cabinet.

SINGAPORE (The Adobo Chronicles, Singapore Bureau) - U.S. President Donald Trump and North Korean President Kim Jung-on have arrived in Singapore in preparation for their historic summit which begins tomorrow. On the eve of the summit, both leaders chose to relax and take it easy. Kim will play basketball with NBA legend Dennis Rodman while Trump…

Britain appears to be going through something of a phase, those around her say. "She's in a bit of a snit," her queen mother said of the 480 year-old constitutional monarchy, which has been locked in her room since last Thursday.