Jindal vetoed a chance to prove he still has a shred of decency when he struck down a provision prohibiting State Police from paying for his security detail during campaign events.

"It makes a change from all those bear swipes cat to its death with paw videos."

BILLUND, DENMARK (The Nil Admirari): LEGO Group announced today it will be transitioning from plastic building pieces to more sustainable broken glass building pieces. The company has relied on plastic since the late 1950s, but stated it will fully transition to broken glass building pieces in time for Christmas shopping this year.

Ever since the war to take down the Galactic Empire ended, Han Solo and his trusty co-pilot Chewbacca have been scrounging around for work.  Although there is finally a new Star Wars movie coming out, the Canadian military commissioned the two well respected pilots to test some planes similar to TIE fighters that were popular during that era.  

A 3-year-old boy is upset with diaper companies for setting what he calls unreasonable and unhealthy expectations of his peers' appearances.

Pomona, KS – Hollis Christopher Walden III is a genius.  No one knows exactly what his IQ is but let’s just say that he confounds even fellow Mensa members with his appalling brilliance.  

My marriage to my fugly beast of a wife is ruined, all because the Supreme Court ruled same-sex marriage is legal.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced he was "giving America an early Christmas present" and suspended his campaign. Trump confessed his presidential run was the type of theater only a master political satirist like him could pull off, and chastised his supporters for thinking such a detestable and bigoted character should be President of the Unites States of America.

Danica Patrick’s recent run in with Dale Earnhardt Jr. at the Quaker State 400 have unleashed a raging pile of female hormones.  This woman is pissed off.  Are they hormones are is it just a really angry young man with long hair and effeminate features?  Probably only a select few know that answer for sure.

EAST PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND (The Nil Admirari) - Today, conservative Uncle Dick Goop gave himself immunity from having to provide evidence in support of his political arguments while he attended a Christmas dinner at his mother-in-law's house. Goop, a resident of neighboring Massachusetts, refused to grant such immunity to any of his progressive family members, whom he hounded mercilessly to provide evidence for everything they said.

Jacob Zuma will spend $5m to build a brothel facility at his presidential home in the Nkandla compound it was announced last night.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® )  - It's summertime and that means millions of Americans will be heading down to the beach to beat the warm temperatures. But this is also causing great alarm among U.S. health officials because of the fact that skin cancer, mostly from sun exposure, is the most common of all cancers.…

Following scathing criticism for having said “all lives matter” to Black Lives Matter activists, Martin O’Malley has clarified his position about whose lives actually matter.

Phoenix, AZ – “It’s the most irresponsible and heinous act that I’ve witnessed in my 20 years on the force,” explains Sergeant David Willingham.  “I’m no court judge but the owners of this car and beautiful AR-15 should be locked up with the key thrown away.  If there was intent, I can only pray that the death penalty is explored as an option for punishment.”

"So many of our reporters cut their teeth on American gun violence," said an angry CNN V.P. "How the hell are we supposed to fill air time??"

Hollywood stars complain at being ignored by Islamic terrorists, disgraced weatherman's x-rated forecasts and Mel Gibson - at least he's not a scientologist! All the top completely made up gossip.

David Cameron plans to adopt India’s caste system in the UK to bring the country more in line with the Victorian era.

STAMFORD, CONNECTICUT (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Jerry Springer, the host of The Jerry Springer Show and former Democratic mayor of Cincinnati, announced he was changing parties so he could run for the Republican presidential nomination. Springer said he was running to "add some civility and decorum" to the Republican field of candidates, which he described as "lying Neanderthal clowns."

The utterance heard 'round the world points to a common female language of being grossed out.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate and billionaire Donald Trump announced today he had kidnapped billionaire David Koch, and was demanding a large amount of money from billionaire Charles Koch to get his brother back. Trump claimed the kidnapping was in response to being snubbed by the infamous Koch brothers, who did not invite him to Dana Point, California this past weekend where about 450 very wealthy conservative donors gathered by the Kochs met with five other Republican presidential candidates.