David Cameron To Adobt Indian Caste System In The UK

“The scum sinks to the bottom, the cream rises to the top.”

Prime Minister David Cameron has expressed admiration for India’s caste system as he plans to adopt a similar system in the UK to bring the country more in line with the Victorian era, a period Cameron is particularly fond of.

The prime minister made the announcement while at a Tory Fundraising Lunch where diners tucked in to a £5,000 per head meal of heron on toast with shredded peacock pâté followed by rack of smoked dolphin and then on to syrupy baby owl cake for dessert.

After quaffing a couple of glasses of Henri Jayer Richebourg Grand Cru at £2,700 a bottle, the well-stuffed prime minister said: “The Indian system is brilliant because over a billion people happily fit into society, where they’re required and it all works smoothly.

“Everyone in their place and a place for everyone. Even women.

“When we launch the system in Britain, those of low birth like the homeless, poor people and migrants will be at the bottom and those of high birth like Etonians, bankers and the royals will be at the top with all the rest in the middle somewhere.

“Of course when I say migrants I don’t mean my pal Roman Abramovich.

Cameron then explained the many benefits of the system such as never needing to worry about what job you’re going to get or what qualifications you have. Your options will be decided for you depending on your birthright and you parents’ bank balance.

In addition to the caste system Cameron announced the return of other new/old initiatives such as the workhouse for anyone caught using a food bank and debtors’ prison for those unable to keep up payments on their mortgages although the bankers and tax avoiders will be exempt.

Cameron said those complaining about the system have only themselves to blame: “If you vote for a Tory government, you get a Tory government. It’s no good complaining now.”