In an effort to avoid a complete financial meltdown, Greece announced today that it is leaving the Euro and converting to the Gyro. With an economy that's just a tad bit larger than that of Oregon's, the Greek government decided that it's just too small to handle the Euro

"Yes, he's got the bear 'boingy' movement down pat. Kudos." Jessie Krufts, PE Teacher

Black people have agreed to expel Don Lemon from the black race due to his stupidity and his habit of driving people mad with his opinions.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - The Nil Admirari finished negotiations with the Republican National Committee (RNC) today and will host a Republican presidential debate on September 28th, 2015 at the Providence Performing Arts Center (PPAC) in Providence, Rhode Island. Unlike the Republican debates sponsored by the Mickey Mouse news outlets, the Nil Admirari debate will include every person who has registered to run for president as a Republican.

Dallas, TX – (satireworld.com)
The State Department has taken a request under consideration from the national headquarters of Planned Parenthood in which the controversial abortion organization has asked for more liberal access to the migrant guest worker visa program in order to help out with the upcoming PP annual harvesting of baby parts set to begin in peak season which is mid to late February.

Revealed at Comic Con in San Diego.

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - If you've ever been stopped at a sobriety checkpoint, you know what the police officer will have you do to test if you've been driving under the influence. Step out of your car, point to your nose, walk a straight line, recite the alphabet backwards and so on.…

DENVER (The Barbed Wire) - Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning is fuming this week amid rumors he used human growth hormone (HGH) to recover from surgery several years ago. Al Jazeera, the source of record for football in the United States, claims in a report that Manning was supplied steroids from a clinic in Indianapolis in 2011.

GREECE (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, all Greeks who lived outside the capital of Athens decided it was time to break into the city-state model again to show the complete lack of cultural and political unity in Greece. The announcement was made by the Greek people in response to the Syriza government in Athens betraying Greeks by agreeing to a harsh bailout from the European Union (EU).

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - A clearly drunk Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) announced today he purchased a controlling interest in the Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery. Boehner purchased 51% of the winery because it produced the jugs of Carlo Gallo Chablis he liked.

Battling cancer since he was five, Jake Doughty's illness never gave him a chance to go hunting or even fire a gun, but the 10 year-old still managed to take down a white tail buck before he died Monday.

Numerous regular contributors to Facebook and Twitter are reporting that someone has been shot today.  Social media is buzzing as sketchy details continue to pour in.  It’s unclear whether there are injuries or casualties but something has definitely been shot by a handgun.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) escalated the shameless stupidity being voiced by delusional Republicans who think they are qualified to be president. Rubio, who claimed he was "anti-choice," stated that Cecil - a widely known Zimbabwe lion killed and decapitated by an impotent Minnesota dentist named Dr. Walter J. Palmer - "should have just gone to Planned Parenthood to die."

PALO ALTO, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan have announced that they are having a baby girl. This, after revealing that she has had several  miscarriages. The proud parents posted a family photo with their dog Beast on Facebook. Zuckerberg even revealed that during an ultrasound, the…

"I need to get me some Thug Life sunglasses. Or a pretty bird." Jimmy Popper, Punches Above His Weight

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Democratic presidential campaign of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton followed up last night's debate by asserting its candidate would make sure Americans continued to be unable to "have nice things." Secretary Clinton addressed the press this morning and explained her wealthy donors would never allow her to give all Americans healthcare as a human right, effectively regulate the financial sector, solve mass incarceration causes like for-profit prisons and mandatory minimum sentences for drug offenses, and a whole host of other things...

The cheeky smile on a local man from Layer Under Haye, who died last year, has finally been explained after his name was found on the Ashley Madison database.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Fox News and conservatives from around the country continued to make respectful statements of support and give their best wishes to former President Jimmy Carter, who announced he has brain cancer and a grim prognosis. The reverent tone of the conservative statements to Carter encouraged many Americans that perhaps all semblance of respectful discourse may not have been removed from their country's politics.

"I said to one of the park attendants: 'Oh come on, a smile isn't going to kill you.' And so she eventually smiled and then clutches her chest and acted dead. That told me. Banksy 1 Jessie 0." Jessie Krufts, Cynic

In an unprecedented scandal that has the U.S. Census Bureau reeling, it has been revealed that New Hampshire is actually a small state of no particular significance.