COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA (The Nil Admirari): Today, the South Carolina legislature banned the Confederate flag from state government in response to last week's racially motivated shooting at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church that killed nine black churchgoers. Governor Nikki Haley praised the move, but cautioned it involved compromising with the flag's supporters who demanded all homes and businesses in South Carolina hang a visible portrait of Confederate President Jefferson Davis.

Silver Spring, MD – The average individual walking around eating street vendor food and smoking Winston cowboy killers probably hasn’t thought much about it.  If you step back for just a moment, though, and say the word Riboflavin, you realize just how fun it is to say.  It rolls off the tongue.  It makes you feel good.  Go ahead, say it ten times.  You will start to dissect syllables and parts of the word that are fun by themselves.  To say the word Riboflavin all at one time and in its fully glory is darned close to being more fun than anyone should really be having.

ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles®) - It looks like Don Lemon is not the only weird journalist in the CNN newsroom. The cable news network today aired a breaking news segment about London's Pride Parade in which a reporter claimed that she witnessed a man waving an ISIS flag. CNN, which prides itself to be the…

"That's the hairiest guy I've ever seen in a swimming pool, and I've been using public swimming pools all my life." Harry Zonderblurb, Butcher

Albuquerque, NM – Nelson Rimsplat has been unemployed now for several months.  He was fired from his job at the Albuquerque Zoo for ‘behaviors inappropriate and not in line with the the Zoo’s image.’  For the 3 year Train Zoo Conductor, the firing has given him a sense of liberation.

"On balance, I would say it is much less annoying than slow honking." Jessie Krufts, Scientist

Chicago, IL – After a near death experience while riding in Zabib Welhunij’s cab, I had to ask him.  Did you know you almost got us killed multiple times in only a 5 minute ride?  What is wrong with you?  It’s not the first such experience I’ve had in a cab.  His answer surprised me.

Jeremy, Sunny, and Evan Rabalais explain why women are almost universally wrong in their assessment of Forrest Gump's girlfriend.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the results of a TNA study were released and showed over 67% of Americans were eager for a new ground war in the Middle East, which will initially target the Islamic State (ISIS) before putting Iran in its sights. The hawkish Americans asserted there should always be money for war, and American citizens should have to pay the price of funding the overseas empire with cuts to social safety net programs, education, infrastructure, and healthcare, among many other things.

"I always sleep with my tongue out of my mouth. It scares the home help every time." Fred Flunkee, Good Ole Boy

Superficial exterior wall or other object intended to deceive others into thinking that exuberence means happiness; usually overbearingly brash and over the top. More times than not an overcompensation to cover up small man’s syndrome or a want to kill oneself due to emotional emptiness.

Israel’s intelligence service Mossad has confirmed that a former prominent Nazi who was abducted by agents over the weekend is Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II.

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles®) -   For far too long, white people have been absent from films, television shows, news anchor desks, advertising billboards and product labels. But finally, they are taking the spotlight away from people of color, thanks to a new MTV show, "White People." The documentary, produced by Filipino undocumented…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton criticized rival U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont for "picking on" her bankster friends who run the financial institutions responsible for the 2008 economic crisis. Clinton took serious issue with Sanders' plan to break up commercial and investment banks, because that would prevent her bankster pals from using the bank deposits of regular Americans to make extremely risky investments and stick American taxpayers with the bill when they lose big.

MADISON, WISCONSIN (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate and Governor of Wisconsin Scott Walker announced today he wanted the Selective Service System to give him all of its records regarding all able-bodied men ages 18-30. Walker explained he wanted to use the list to offer incentives to registered American males to volunteer for military service before he is sworn in as president, and reinstates the draft for a war with Iran.

"I hope they aren't expecting milk from these teats." Kent Rugby, Shirtless Dancer

America's youngsters lead the world in swearing and name calling proficiency, a new study shows.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the anti-choice movement in America was outraged when President Cecile Richards of Planned Parenthood announced her organization was responsible for preventing more abortions than they were. Richards explained that because Planned Parenthood promoted contraception and education about having sex responsibly it was far more effective at stopping abortions than a bunch of hypocrites who ignore human sexuality and just tell people "sex bad, don't do it."

Jacksonville, FL –  It’s no secret the world is moving faster than ever.  There is more stress and less time to sleep.  For the millions who have various sleep disorders, this is a recipe for severe anxiety and depression.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News announced Iran had launched an attack on the Islamic State's "Muhammad Moon Base 1" believing the base was holding afterlife virgins hostage. Fox News alerted its viewers to the existence of the Islamic State's moon base on July 18th - when it warned of an imminent attack on the United States - and today criticized the Obama Administration's failure to do anything about it.