Satireworld

Chicago – (SatireWorld.com)

On a recent installment of the Jerry Springer Show, Mildred Dredge recalled her lifelong battle of being overweight and how it has affected her recent marriage, At age two she was 79 pounds. By age four she was 123 pounds, by age 16 she teetered on 378 pounds and was still gaining. When she reached the serious dating age of 22, Mildred discovered a real man in her life, Elmer Pickle, and they were married after a whirlwind romance.

Juarez, Mexico – (satireworld.com)

A Mexican distillery in Oaxaca has promised to make the world’s largest bottle of Mescal after obtaining the corpse of the world’s largest worm. Artie, the grandson of Jeff the Subway worm from Men in Black II, was recently killed in a subway collision and his body will be preserved in the agave based liquor famous for containing a Mexican worm.

Washington DC – (Satireworld)
‘Tuesday’s solar eclipse plus apocalyptic asteroids all over her birth chart,’ a soothsayer commented as hundreds of worried (sic) Americans jammed the Fright House switchboard following today’s announcement of the former Fist Lady’s death.

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Washington, DC – (satireWorld.com)

It began, seemingly innocently enough, with a grainy black and white photograph of a woman smiling broadly and preparing to swing a bat in a game of softball. The picture was placed on the front page of Tuesday’s Wall Street Journal and featured Elena Kagan, who the day before had been nominated by Barack Obama to join America’s top court.

Fairbanks AK – (satireworld.com)

Dean of Students Abigail Prude at the Washington Technical College (WTC) has cited the members of Omega Pi Omega (ΩπΩ) Fraternity with sexism towards female students. WTC specializes in mechanical design and construction related to oil pipelines, drilling, platforms and structures. The school presently has a student body consisting of 100 male students and no female students.

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com)

New York City mayor Bill de Blasio ordered city workers to remove the last remaining Confederate Battle flag flying from a city office. The flag which has flown there for over 100 years was removed and placed in a brown paper bag for safekeeping.

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

A senior official at the Environmental Protection Agency’s Office of Inspector General testified Wednesday that a a 57 year old career EPA official stored thousands of pornographic files on his government computer, and has admitted to watching porn and ‘choking-the-chicken a lot’ while at work, sometimes for most of his work day.

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

Sources in the highest levels of the FBI are privately saying that an arrest warrant has been issued for Democratic Presidential candidate, and former First Lady, Hillary Clinton.

Muffinville, AZ – (satireworld.com)

Pampered snot-bag and full time RINO, Meagan McCain threatened to cutoff all affiliation with the Republican Party after talks with MSNBC staffers squarely placed the blame for Hostess Brands to shutter its doors on Republicans in the wake of union unrest.

Hajiland, Syria – (satireworld.com)

The Pentagon released photos today of a top-secret raid against ISIS forces that was successful in spite of the President’s ‘no boots on the ground’ promise, The US Army raid helped win the release of over 150 ISIS sex slaves who were held against their will for over three months.

os Angeles, CA – (satireWorld.com)

Dr. Rami Gushinari finally released to the public the official 25 page LA Coroner’s report on Michael Jackson. The ‘King of Pop’ died from a drug overdose and was laid to rest in Woodlawn Cemetery for the Elite and Pompous almost seven years ago.

Bucharest,Romania(satireworld.com)

Ruthless communist era dictator Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife were hastily exhumed today in order to give them their annual dinner of roasted potatoes and salt.

Every year since their summary execution on Christmas Day 1989, the bodies have been dug up, fed, DNA gathered, and the bodies re-buried as required by a 1990 governmental order.

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com)

Trying to avoid accusations from the past, Gary the gerbil, age 42, is trying to set straight the allegations that he’s had to live with for the past thirty-five years.

Born a coal miner’s only son, Gary’s life was on the slow track to nowhere until he was purchased at a Hershey Pennsylvania pet store by an up and coming actor named Richard Gere. Gere later went on to Hollywood star status after a string of popular movies and a marriage to super model Cindy Crawford.

Fort Knox, Kentucky

Officials at the US Depository, better known as Fort Knox, have found the need for more storage room at the 80 year old facility, ever since the reports of vast amounts of gold being discovered in Blountstown, Florida. Located in rural Kentucky the official US Gold Depository is home to the United State’s gold reserves reported to be valued at $750 billion dollars.

Washington, DC (SatireWorld.com)
In a shocking turn-around for American taxpayers seeking national debt relief, and a hopeful boost for the Democrats re-election campaign, Barack Obama instructed Treasury officials to initiate a sweeping step by step plan to eliminate the nation’s looming debt payments held by foreign governments, namely China.

Washington, DC – (satireWorld.com)

In a thinly veiled attempt to thwart the long scheduled Republican televised debate, President Obama originally selected that date as the evening he wanted to address both houses of Congress about his newest economic ideas in an 11th hour attempt at still being considered relevant in his last months at playing a TV President..

Portsmouth (UK) – (satireworld.com)

Doctors at Queen Alexandra Hospital have used 3-D printing technology to replace most of a man’s missing skull in an innovative procedure which included using simple Super Glue in a process that is sure to revolutionize orthopedic surgery.

The groundbreaking surgery occurred last week, when 85 percent of a patient’s skull was replaced with an implant from an Oxford Performance Materials 3-D printer and a tube of Super Glue found in a tool box left by a plumber who was fixing a clogged drain under the operating table.

Berlin, Germany-(satireworld.com)

A recently discovered trove of unseen secret documents dating from the Nazi era, disclosed a secret many allied intelligence services overlooked. Now for the first time read about Hitler's most secret medical ailment and how it affects a small bar in San Francisco.

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-CT), wore her ‘Black Sabbath Best’ to the Bernie Saunders’ fundraising photo opportunity with other Democratic women of the House to highlight the historic diversity of the House Democratic Caucus in Congress and celebrate the increased number of women joining the Democratic Caucus.

Orlando, Florida – (SatireWorld.com)
Casey Anthony’s attorney, Jose Baez, announced today that his client, recently freed Casey Anthony, has won a multi-million dollar cash prize from the Florida Lottery. The drawing was held on Wednesday and Anthony had the sole winning lottery ticket. After taxes, Anthony will walk away with over $125 Million dollars in cash.