AUSTIN, Texas--Governor Greg Abbott has responded to growing concerns from residents all across the state who believe the Perseids Meteor Shower to be a carefully orchestrated ruse that the Obama administration plans to use to steal their guns, abort their babies, smuggle disease-ridden brown people across their borders, marry their gays, and educate their children.…
Carrot after a recent arrest PAWNEE, Illinois--Two years ago Carrot, a seven-year-old Australian Shepherd mix, made national headlines when he was named as the sole beneficiary in the will of his owner, Mary Stewart, who left her entire $30 million estate to the dog. This week Carrot was in the news again when it was…
Hillary angered by new CNN poll: 98.5% of Americans consider her a "total horse's ass." WorldsWisestOwl.com
Experts warn of 'erotic apocalypse' if public given access to recently uncovered ancient pornography. UK government seeks to suppress addictive classical smut amid fears that its potency could destroy civilisation.
Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush announced his tax plan to the country yesterday, but quickly changed the after his 10-minute speech. "My wife, Columba, who is Mexican...er, Latina...whatever...and I have discussed this tax plan at length. There's nothing I won't do without her, as I know how important it is to get a Mexican...sorry, Latina, point of view."
8 year-old Ava Hunt is no longer a student at Loveland Elementary School in California. After 9 tardies, the school principal informed the parents that they cannot allow their daughter to attend the school when she is consistently late. The reason for her tardiness? Her parents, Aaron and Jackie Hunt, spending countless hours making the perfect "first day" sign to post on social media.
Enraged by a painting of his face made with the artist's own menstrual blood, Trump reportedly painted a mockery of menstruation made with his own face.
Air Force One at the Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, CA has been replaced by Donald Trump's private helicopter as the background for the CNN GOP debate. Reports are still coming in, however, word is that Trump purchased the retired Air Force One shortly before the debate and will re-wrap it in Viva Trump decals and park it along the California-Mexico border.
“It’s really awesome because it’s got tons of me in it!” says Matt Damon as he described his latest film to a group of fawning journalists during a press briefing earlier today organized by his production company Matt Damon Is God Productions.
BOWMAN, Montana--Newly married Shane Dotson, 27, says he was surprised to learn that his wife, Misty, had kept secret certain elements of her academic background. Dotson, who graduated from Montana Technical Institute with an electrical engineering degree, says he had been led to believe that his new wife, who has a BSN, had only studied…
The new iOS 9 update was released this week, and iPhone users all over the country are downloading the new software. But, forDrone.jpg some, their shiny new devices are gone forever.
To increase the chances of the outgoing Speaker landing on their staff roster, lobbying groups are competing in the luxury hankie arena for the day Boehner hits the ground sobbing.
Puppeteering duo Trey Parker and Matt Stone have announced that they are working on a sequel to their 2004 cult smash “Team America: World Police.”
A popular singer has once again experienced a mildly shocking relationship scandal which has succeeded in propelling her name into tabloid headlines.
ARTISANAL PRESS — The United States Congress passed a motion during a special session this weekend, heretofore designating the popular deep-fried potato strips menu item in the Congressional cafeteria as “French fries.” The motion was intended as a display of solidarity with the people of France, following the recent terrorist attacks in Paris.
Ultra-wealthy actress had no idea her luxury T.V. spot for EA might rankle the rank and file.
Canadians took a break from getting piss drunk on beer and whiskey for one day to rejoice over the magnificent spectacle of Trudeau and his cabinet being sworn into their new offices. Well… okay, we lied, they didn’t exactly take a break from getting piss drunk, but for one night it wasn’t about hockey for 3 out of 10 adult… females.
Never before has any democracy of any intelligence seen such a magnificent display of vote-slutting from...
Never before has any democracy of any intelligence seen such a magnificent display of vote-slutting from...
In all seriousness, today is a day we encourage our readers to donate to their favorite charities and raise awareness about HIV/AIDS (and avoid being deemed a "prick"). Don't know which one to choose? Check out the organizations that have been featured in Goodwink this year!
Congress just passed a bill establishing new names for popular foods with Arab roots.
U.S. Army and Marine units have been using their drones in airborne cock fights, to settle rivalries and bets. And no one is complaining.