Jakerhodes

The chase came to its final conclusion on Sunday when Rex, a Golden Retriever, caught his tail square in his mouth. It was then that Rex knew that nothing would ever be the same again. Speaking through our canine interpreter, Rex was a good boy and gave us an exclusive interview.

With just days to go before the world’s biggest sewer opens, revellers have been told to get completely off their nuts if they plan to have fun.

The ban, along with a total ban on migration, is part of Nigel’s plan to reduce Britain’s population to him and his mates so that it’s quicker to get served in the pub.

‘An apple a day will only keep the doctor away if you eat it,’ said Doctor Zaffa. ‘If you administer it anally then you’re going to need to see a doctor immediately.’

The once dazzling jewel of England’s midfielder was confused about today’s upcoming England vs Wales match-up; he believed that it was his duty as an Englishman to kill any whale he saw.

The show will be a departure from the usual Trek format in that it will focus on a singular family and be shot in a reality TV format.

As French kissing was invented, unsurprisingly, by the French, they own all the rights to the tongue-twirling manoeuvre. Rights they share with fellow members of the EU. If Britain were to leave the Union then they would have their rights to the French kiss revoked. Britain could become a loveless nation akin to a kissless version of the world from Footloose.

If trouble erupts, the 64-year-old singer will be flown into the war zone for a live performance of his 1985 hit ‘Russians’ in which he sings...

The study was conducted with a group of eighty-seven volunteers over the course of ten years, using a range of people. The group ranged from those who kept up-to-date with reputable news sources multiple times a day, all the way down to those who just read The Sun. A strong correlation was observed between the amount of hard news a person consumed and how happy they are.

‘Mad Boris’ was Lucas’ breakout character in the late 90s but he has decided to retire the comic creation after admitting his faux political run has gone too far.

The Republican Presidential candidate has gone on the record to say that he believes ISIS are even more dangerous to the future of America than Mexicans or the Chinese.

Key figures on the Brexit team have pointed to the admission as evidence that the Prime Minister doesn’t trust Europe as much as he claims to.

Videos and images circulated all across social media of some truly amazing violence across the weekend in France, however the brutality was often interrupted by games of football that have been completely uncalled for.

With temperatures rising, Willis was feeling the heat to get his beach body back after a winter of excess.

After several incidents of violence involving English football fans, the Euro 2016 committee decided it was time to cut ties with the most unpleasant element in the game. The board voted 7-3 in favour of banning England supporters.

Putin, who had been dubbed ‘the world’s most dangerous man’, was being kept in an enclosure for the safety of the Russian people. Despite his living arrangement, Putin was still able to run the nation with an iron-fist. Yet Putin could also be a gentle man, as initially displayed when the bear cub fell into his enclosure.

King is also suing the family of the boy for the emotional damage the incident caused him.

The piss stain seemed to resemble a recycling symbol which left many believing it was another deeply thought provoking piece by the mecurial Banksy.

It’s believed that IDS may have been under the influence of a snifter of brandy whilst watching the outside world with a sneer on his face, although these reports are unconfirmed at this time.

With it now mathematically impossible for outsider candidate Bernie Sanders to win the Democratic nomination, Americans are suddenly in the horrible position of having to elect either Clinton or Trump to the White House.