English Village Gripped by Fear Every Christmas as Non-Festive Residents Brutally Murdered by Mystery Assailant! Is 'Christmastein Monster' Responsible for Yule Themed Slayings?
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Jihadist group ISIS have claimed responsibility for the huge turd which recently brought Brussels to a standstill. Belgian authorities declare 'Code Brown' as Jihadist 'Shit to Kill' tactics hit Metro.
Hollywood Stars Declare War on ISIS in Retaliation for Terrorists Continued Failure to Acknowledge their Cultural Significance by Not Attacking Los Angeles. Claim latest Attacks in Paris Have Caused Extreme Trauma to their Egos.
Queen Accused of Breaking Wind During Two Minute Silence at Cenotaph. Royal Fart Widely Condemned as Disrespectful - Not to Mention Noxious - to Britain's War Dead and Military Veterans.
I make it a rule never to argue with drunks. Not even when I'm drunk myself. But especially not when I'm sober - alcoholic intoxication impairs the ability
Are Man's Trousers Haunted by Evil Spirit of Sex Offender? Exorcism Performed on Possessed Pantaloons Following Paranormal Phenomena in Groin Area, Including Ectoplasm and Bizarre Bulging!
Is Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn High Priest of a Powerful Witches' Coven? Astonishing Claims From Tory Back Bencher Who Alleges that Corbyn Plans to Destroy Britain Through Black Magic.
Does David Cameron's 'Assault on Poverty' Herald the Violent Elimination of Britain's Poor? Top Anti-Poverty Campaigner Claims Tories Planning Mass Murder of Benefits Claimants in Order to Eliminate Poverty.
Government announces plans to deploy UK's nuclear deterrent against Islamic extremists with nuclear strike on Birmingham. Migrants and Scots Nationalists also identified as threats to UK security and targeted with nuclear missiles.
Following 'Pig Gate', more animals come forward to claim sexual abuse at hands of senior Tories. Allegations that high level bestiality ring centered on South London city farm suppressed RSPCA investigations.
Having finally laid to rest their classic horror monsters by pitching them against Abbott and Costello in a series of cheap B-movies, Universal Pictures, desperate to prop up the dire duo’s film career, turned their attention to another of their best loved franchises - Sherlock Holmes.
Is main bidder for BBC weather forecasting contract involved in manipulating weather to fix outcome of sporting events for shady Far Eastern betting syndicates? Amazing claims made by investigative journalist!
Hate! Hate! Hate! It's what fuels Britain's media, you know. There always has to be someone to hate and loathe. Someone to blame all of your problems on.
Experts warn of 'erotic apocalypse' if public given access to recently uncovered ancient pornography. UK government seeks to suppress addictive classical smut amid fears that its potency could destroy civilisation.
Inspired by Calais refugees, thrill seeking British tourists walking through Channel Tunnel for holidays in France! New craze sees jaded UK tourists sailing to Greek resorts on refugee rafts!
Have Experimental Autonomous Killer Drones Gone Rogue in UK? Government Denies Series of Attacks on Asian Businesses and 4x4 Dealerships Down to 'Rogue Reapers'.
Outrage as local newspaper obituary describes deceased as 'utter bastard with no redeeming features', instead of 'local character and loving husband'.
Hollywood stars complain at being ignored by Islamic terrorists, disgraced weatherman's x-rated forecasts and Mel Gibson - at least he's not a scientologist! All the top completely made up gossip.
Is spare part surgery keeping the Queen and Prince Philip alive? Journalist claims dead royals 'stripped for spares' as Royal couple bid to outlive Prince Charles and prevent his accession to throne.