“There’s going to be blood on the streets now that Cameron has declared war on poverty,” says top anti-poverty campaigner Regis Forcox, still reeling from David Cameron’s Conservative Party conference speech, in which the Prime Minister announced that he would be mounting a ‘full out assault on poverty’. “It’s quite clear what he means: a systematic elimination of Britain’s poor – by lethal force!” Forcox dismisses the accusation that he is wilfully misrepresenting the Prime Minister’s intention, which is actually to alleviate poverty in the UK through economic, social and educational policies. “Oh come on! These bastards have spent the past five years slashing benefits to the most vulnerable in society, demonising the poor, characterising them as idle and profligate whilst pushing them further into poverty, and Cameron expects us to believe that he now wants to help them? Does he think we’re completely stupid?” he exclaims. “Besides, eliminating poverty that way would cost money, which is anathema to this government. The only way he’d implement anti-poverty measures would be if he could outsource them to his corporate pals – but there’s no profit to be had there: the poor have no money. So the only viable way for him to eliminate poverty in the UK on the cheap is simply to cull the poor, like badgers.” Forcox believes that, in reality, the Tory war on poverty is already ongoing. “It’s clear now that Iain Duncan Smith’s campaign against the poor and destitute was just the precursor to the Tories’ full scale war,” he says. “Clearly, Cameron feels that Duncan Smith’s crack down on benefits claimants – which has driven many of them to an early grave – has softened the poor up sufficiently that he can now move to destroy them completely!”

The campaigner also believes that the numerous fatal shootings and beatings of civilians carried out by the Metropolitan Police in recent years have been part of the government’s preparation for its planned wiping out of the poor. “In every case the police have – quite literally – gotten away with murder, with none of the officers involved being convicted,” he claims. “In every case the victim was poor and therefore a criminal, thereby justifying their murder. Believe me, these shootings were just ‘target practice’, to establish the principle that it is OK to kill people if they are poor – before you know it, they’ll be shooting people for shoplifting or urinating in the street!” Forcox suspects that the police aren’t the only government agency who have been practicing killing the poor, bizarrely claiming the Department of Work and Pensions (DWP) have also been engaged in reducing the numbers of benefits claimants by knocking some of them off. “I don’t just mean those cases where people have committed suicide, starved to death or expired because they can’t afford their medication after they’ve had their benefits stopped as some kind of sanction because they were late to sign on,” he alleges. “I’ve heard that in order to meet the insane targets they are being given by Duncan Smith for reducing the number of claimants at their local offices, some DWP employees have been resorting to actually going out and doing in some of their clients! Apparently, they target the really sick ones, breaking into their houses at night and suffocating them with a pillow, or tampering with their medication.”

Forcox believes that the government’s motivation for killing off the poor goes beyond mere political point scoring. “Being able to say that they were the party that ended poverty in the UK is just a side benefit to this planned cull,” he muses. “There’s also the fear factor – those riots which spread like wildfire across Britain back in 2005 scared them shitless. They are still worried that if they oppress the masses too much, then there could be the possibility of violent revolution, resulting in rich bastards being strung up from lamp posts. So, they’ve decided to get in first and kill all the poor people.” The campaigner also suspects that there could be psychological motives. “Let’s face it, the Tory bastards have a pathological hatred of the poor,” Forcox points out. “Wiping them out would be the ultimate expression of their perceived superiority over the less well off.” However, other commentators believe that the motivation for eliminating the poverty stricken could be economic. “The fact is that the rich no longer need the poor in the way that they did in the past. Increasing automation means that they are no longer needed as factory fodder. As for doing traditional menial work like domestic chores, cleaning mansions and generally skivvying, well, nowadays they can import foreign poor people far more cheaply,” declares economist Derek Riggers. “Indeed, as long as the imported poor are so called ‘illegals’ then not only do you not have to pay them the minimum wage, but you don’t have to worry about such things as health and safety. They don’t dare report you as they will be the ones who end up arrested and deported! Either way, whether it is robots or foreign poor you are using, there is no longer any need for that army of low paid workers, let alone the ‘reserve army’ of the unemployed’ – so removing the expense of topping up their incomes with benefits or paying them unemployment benefit by eliminating them makes perfect economic sense.”

Rigger, Chief Economic Correspondent for the Daily Excess;, speculates that Home Secretary Theresa May’s recent attack on immigrants, accusing them of undermining British values and social cohesion and promising to crack down on immigration, is actually part of a plan to actually increase the number of illegal immigrants available for the wealthy to economically exploit. “It’s obvious really – legal immigrants have all the same employment rights as our indigenous poor and consequently are just as inconvenient to the rich. But, if they can’t get into the country legally, then they’ll have no choice but to come here as illegal immigrants, with no rights whatsoever,” he says. “It’s a cunning plan – on the one hand she enhances her image with the right as an anti-immigration hardliner whilst, at the same time, ensuring a ready supply of slave labour for the Tory party’s rich benefactors!”