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Tweet Tower—With the country still reeling from Animal and Crazy Harry’s attempt to blow up the White House, Muppet legends Statler and Waldorf attempted a grey-hair-brained scheme of their own. Taking advantage of the chaotic aftermath of Comey’s departure and what Statler referred to as “an obvious lapse in security”, the pair went all Dickens on…
Apparently the term ‘Deplorables’ is not wildly popular amongst those deplorable people among us, so how about the ‘Unreachables’ or the ‘Irredeemables’? Or maybe we should channel some Vizzini and go with the ‘Inconceivables’? Our president enjoys historically bad early approval ratings and he’s flip flopped on almost every major campaign promise, yet only an astounding 2% of Trump supporters show any…
Washington, DC—The Muppets Resist movement entered an even darker chapter today after beloved characters, Crazy Harry and Animal, were arrested for hatching a Guy Fawksian-style plot to blow up the White House. Rockville police report the two were arrested without incident in a sock drawer outside of Glenn Hills, Maryland. Many in the intelligence community fear the pair were not working alone…
Tweet Tower—Scientists are questioning the large amounts of energy currently emanating from Trump Tower. Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Lube, told the discord today, “Profound amounts of energy are there and then gone again, as if a door is opening and then closing again. That’s when it hit me, he’s building a Stargate to…
Pyongyang, NK—According to both Washington and Pyongyang “the race is on!” Earlier today Kim Jong Un contacted the Governor of Arkanasas, Asa Hutchinson, and challenged him to a contest. Just as a missile exploded across Un’s private launch pad on the south lawn of Un Manor, the God of North Korea told Hutchinson, “How about round two, Arkansas? You try…
Dinglebury, ENG—Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and gift shop, is back in the news again today and pushing another controversial theory. In 2012 he proposed an alternative theory to explain the many megalithic structures dotting the English landscape. This important archeofictionologist now believes he has irrefutable evidence to support his earlier claim that they were,…
Are we moving toward fascism? My designated term of endearment for our president, Ass-Clown Hitler, was chosen for a reason as the only thing standing between our nation and some extra-strength Nazinol is Trump’s three-ring stupidity. What many of us despise about Trump, his terminal buffoonery, may actually be our saving grace. There’s certainly a down side to having an ass-clown…
Sesame Street—A clear picture of President Donald Trump’s hatred for PBS, Sesame Street and for the Muppets in general is emerging. Prior to the 2005 appearance of the character Donald Grump on Sesame Street, evidence suggests President Trump was affiliated with PBS and may even be a Henson creation himself. Press Secretary Sean Spicer has requested that SNL parody this bit,…
Chicago, Il—In response to a viral video showing a passenger being dragged off of a plane, CEO of United Airlines Oscar Munoz staged an identical scenario. Airport security bodily dragged Mr. Munoz down the aisle of an Airbus A420, before ejecting him face first onto the tarmac. Whether or not the Board of Directors ordered this stunt or it was…
San Diego, CA—After the incident this weekend that claimed the life of eight year old Bobby Turner, the petting zoo management of WolverDreams Inc. announced it will be closing its doors forever. Little Bobby’s visit, which was originally arranged in conjunction with the Make A Wish Foundation, ended the life of a young man a few weeks…
    We’re pulling a Dylan on this one and not showing up for the award ceremony. We may tweet later that we’re honored and shit #Honored&Shit.  
There is certainly liberal amounts of blood in our political waters, but I’m afraid it’s not actually type-D. This Susan Rice “scandal” has Benghazi written all over it. Hey, at least they’re reading. No matter where this next batch of rightwing dimquires lead, our republican friends will likely be covering this Rice dish right up until the…
We have successfully made the transition from ‘know hope’ to ‘no hope’. In today’s political circus, the Freedom Caucus is now all the rage. Are you kidding me? The only thing standing between El Trumpedente and everything he wants for Christmas is a pack of hyenas? Through the magic of redistricting, we must support the minority of the…
In his book, “The Origin of Consciousness”, the late author Julian Jaynes detailed a compelling case for how and why leadership became the driving force in the development of civilization. Our governments, institutions, clergy, and corporations demonstrate and depend on Jaynes’ basic premise that, in essence, “top-down organizational charts” direct the masses toward behaviors and thinking…
Muppets vow if Grover is sent to Guantanamo, they will “unleash the furry.” Full Grover coverage here. Tell your Congressman, “Let my Muppets go!”
“Trumpcare did go up for a vote today and it overwhelmingly passed if you understand alternative mathmatics. Democrats and the lame stream media simply forget to carry the alternate one.” —Kellyanne Conway