Manned by an all gay crew, the USS Tennessee Williams is a Virginia-class attack submarine capable of shooting missiles and all sorts of stuff, its Captain Marcelo McGary says.

With its myriad of natural delights and seasonal climactic appeal, the beach attracts millions of Americans each and every year. Though fun for some, the beach can also be an extremely dangerous and terrifying place.

ANN ARBOR, MICH. — Michigan Wolverines head coach Jim Harbaugh has announced that he will open his home as a foster pare…

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News announced Iran had launched an attack on the Islamic State's "Muhammad Moon Base 1" believing the base was holding afterlife virgins hostage. Fox News alerted its viewers to the existence of the Islamic State's moon base on July 18th - when it warned of an imminent attack on the United States - and today criticized the Obama Administration's failure to do anything about it.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) slammed the Democratic Party, Republican Party, and corporate media for criticizing his decision to run as a Democrat when they were "absolutely responsible" for making any independent candidacy impossible. Sanders also mocked the two-party political system in the United States for being "a complete joke."

BRUSSELS, Belgium (The Adobo Chronicles®) - As Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump laid out details of his immigration policy, the European Union (EU) adopted a resolution that, in effect, negates Trump's ill intentions against the estimated 11 Million undocumented immigrants now living in the U.S. Trump's immigration policy includes building a wall along the southern border…

Lake Forest, IL –  February blues.  That’s how 14 year old Manny Worthem puts it.  We found him hanging out at a local Denny’s by himself drinking soda after soda and drowning his sorrows in a massive stack of pancakes.

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is dead serious about his recently-announced immigration policy, and he is not waiting until he gets elected. Trump's policy includes the building a a great wall along the entire stretch of the southern border with Mexico, deporting all the estimated 11 Million undocumented…

MANSFIELD, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a second grade student named Benjamin Boom earned a sticker for correctly interpreting the Second Amendment by acknowledging the "militia" referenced in the amendment. The Mansfield, Massachusetts pupil cited conservative Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren E. Burger, who called the argument that private citizens have the right to bear arms "a fraud."

MAPLES GROVE, Iowa--Speaking to a large gathering of chickens in their coop, local farmer Benjamin Fisher promised to finally put an end to the steady stream of foxes that have entered the pen unfettered over the years, if he is able to successfully secure financing to purchase the farm where the chickens reside. "And I'm…

Dresden – Medical scientists in Germany acknowledged this week that a local woman has given birth to a 24 year old man.  No one outside of Germany has actually seen the man but it is believed that he is approximately 5’9″ tall, weighing about 145 pounds.

PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a city clerk in the tax collection office of Providence, Rhode Island announced his religious beliefs would not allow him to process any tax payments from uncircumcised males. Seth Weiss, an Orthodox Jew, invited all male residents of Providence to bring him a doctor's note stating they were circumcised, or take advantage of his offer of a "complimentary circumcision" if they wanted to pay their taxes and avoid non-payment penalties.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, President Obama sent his annual message to Congressional Republicans asking them "not to shut down the government again." Obama's handwritten letter explained to Republicans they had control of both chambers of Congress, so they needed to "get their act together, stop being drama queens, and pass some bills that actually have a chance of being signed by me."

Scores of Syrian refugees continue to pour onto Dick Cheney's estate in McLean, Virginia, where an estimated 5,000 have already settled in guest houses and improvised camps on its sprawling lawns over the past several days.

Enraged by a painting of his face made with the artist's own menstrual blood, Trump reportedly painted a mockery of menstruation made with his own face.

Independence, KY – For the 12th year in a row, some crazy lady in Kentucky has agreed to have 30 animals in her 1400 square foot home at one time.  The animals are all technically ‘pets’ but some are more domesticated than others.

WISCONSIN (The Barbed Wire) - Wisconsin candidate Scott Walker became the second governor to bow out of the 2016 presidential race today. Walker said he was suspending his campaign and would reveal which candidate he will back for president at a later date. He blamed his spastic personality as the main reason he never connected with voters on a large scale.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  Overwhelmed by the Pope's presence, and the enlightenment of The Holy Spirit, a tearful and repentant House Speaker John Boehner promised to lead the Republican Party to institute major reforms long resisted by the GOP. Pope Francis addressed a joint session of the U.S. Congress this morning, calling on…

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Realizing that he won't be able to force Mexico to pay for the great wall that he wants to build along the U.S. southern border, Republican  presidential candidate and frontrunner Donald Trump has revised his anti-immigration policy proposal. Trump now wants to sell California, New Mexico, Arizona…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - House Oversight Committee Chairman Jason Chaffetz (R-UT-03) denounced Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards' "uncooperative attitude" during the Planned Parenthood hearing earlier today. Chaffetz and his male Republican peers were very critical of Richards for denying that abortion led to an "angry, raging vagina" that killed the stork created by God to deliver the child to its parents.