Torrington, CT – Eleanor and Darren Minson were just blessed with a healthy 11 pound baby boy.  It is their first child.  They’ve been at home now for about 3 weeks with their new bundle of joy and Eleanor is still pretty sore.  

OREGON (The Barbed Wire) - Determined to circumvent Congress, President Obama has decided on his first executive order related to gun control. He's ordering a ban on shotgun weddings, typically defined as any wedding that takes place quickly, usually to avoid embarrassment because of a pregnancy.

Cupertino, CA –  Tim Cook grinned as he signed off on the 2016 plan for Apple Corporation.  He pulled out his $2000 dollar pen and scribbled his signature and agreement to the plan of making a shitload more money in the coming year.

Hildale, UT –  Six year old Amanda Cousins showed fear and shock after getting an open hand smacking of her butt, like a beaver slamming his tail on top of a river. 

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - The bitter political rivalry between the Marcoses and the Aquinos abruptly came to an end today, when Philippine President Noynoy Aquino granted absolute pardon to the late Ferdinand E. Marcos and his family, including Imelda Romualdez Marcos and their children, Senator Bongbong Marcos, Governor Imee Marcos and Irene Marcos. All…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, staffers representing most of the Republican presidential candidates met to discuss the demands they will make of all future debates, but the meeting quickly focused on ponies. Staffers agreed every candidate should have a debate animal to sit on, and a majority of the presidential campaigns voted for debate ponies.

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles) - It was the highlight of last night's 'Saturday Night Live' hosted by Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. While he was delivering his opening monologue, Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders was standing by backstage waiting for his cue. Then it was time. As Trump was wrapping up his monologue, the…

MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN (The Nil Admirari) - Today, every Republican presidential candidate announced his or her mother - or other support figure - would stand next to them during tonight's debate hosted by the Fox Business Network at the Milwaukee Theater. The GOP mothers demanded they be on stage to protect their children from both each other, and the moderators, especially after the last debate hosted by CNBC made their precious little snowflake adult-children have hissy fits.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told Americans electing the United States' first female president was worth the final collapse and permanent extinction of the American middle class. Clinton urged Americans to not be sexist, and to vote for her instead of trying to prevent both their standard of living and wages from continuing their free fall courtesy of the very people bankrolling her presidential campaign.

Canadians took a break from getting piss drunk on beer and whiskey for one day to rejoice over the magnificent spectacle of Trudeau and his cabinet being sworn into their new offices. Well… okay, we lied, they didn’t exactly take a break from getting piss drunk, but for one night it wasn’t about hockey for 3 out of 10 adult… females.

Never before has any democracy of any intelligence seen such a magnificent display of vote-slutting from...

It was customary for random videos to surface when Osama Bin Laden was alive and in power.  They usually produced some veiled threat or updated us on Bin Laden’s love life.  In the end the message was always the same.  We’re going to kill you.

PARIS (The Barbed Wire) - President Obama has concluded two days of making a fool of himself at the climate summit here. Warning the world of the dangers of magic warming gas in our atmosphere, the president painted an apocalyptic vision of the future if the world doesn't start believing his climate hysteria. Immediately.

NASA Scientists released information, along with a Top Secret report, concerning the recent discovery of human remains spotted laying on the surface of the Earth’s moon.

COLUMBUS, OHIO (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and megalomaniac billionaire Donald Trump told voters he was an expert on wind power, and viewed wind as the most reliable and realistic renewable energy source. Trump pointed to the well-documented fact that his mouth routinely unleashed massive amounts of very loud, largely incoherent, inhumanly strong, and exceedingly angry hot air at campaign events and virtually every other place graced with his presence.

Take part in our brilliant Donald Trump sweepstakes as we guess what the probable Republican candidate for president will say next... Just print out and cut out each line and have fun

"All UFO abductions must be investigated"

"I will make Arnold Schwartzenegger illegal"

"Brillo Pads will be renamed Trump Pads in honor of my brilliant hairdo"

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - Citing a major conflict of interest, Justice Anthony Kennedy said today that he will be recusing himself from further deliberations and the eventual vote by the Supreme Court as it prepares to issue a landmark decision on gay marriage in the United States. The Supreme Court is expected to rule…

When a member of Congress is implicated in a sex scandal, he most often resigns. And of those who don't resign, almost all of their careers are irreparably ruined. Almost all of them.

Scotland are to boycott the World Cup in 2018, bringing to 4 the number of World Cups they have boycotted since 1998, according to a source with a pronounced Scottish accent.

Fifty percent of young American women -- and now men -- admit to shaving their pubic hair...we humans always go too far.

Parting ways with the superstar Zhao, who is still 21 years shy of his 60th birthday, seems incongruous with program schemes employed by SDSO Conductor Bill Conti, which have relied heavily on Zhao as the cornerstone of the string section since 2007.