WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the largest corporate media outlets in the United States announced they were "working very, very hard" on a plan to continue trying to make U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont look unelectable in 2016 even when he started to win states and delegates in the Democratic Party presidential primaries. The corporate propaganda syndicate conceded its efforts to ignore and portray Bernie Sanders as unelectable had, thus far, failed to convince many Americans of the inevitability of Hillary Clinton - the pro-war, pro-fear, and status quo candidate considered t

MADISON, WISCONSIN (The Nil Admirari) - Republican Governor of Wisconsin Scott Walker signed a $73 billion two-year budget today that will establish a feudalistic system throughout the state beginning in January 2016. The budget from the Republican-dominated legislature mandates all residents of Wisconsin who do not make at least $250,000 annually will be serfs tied to specific portions of land owned by a wealthy lord they are legally required to provide labor for.

With his presidential election an all-but-guaranteed impossibility, Bobby Jindal has launched a campaign that can only be explained as a career move aimed at reaching the home for failed Republican presidential candidates: Fox News.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Fake noodles. Fake eggs. Fake beef. Recent media reports show that some Chinese companies have been manufacturing fake food using both organic and inorganic ingredients. These fake food have yet to find their way to America (or have they, already?) Well, fake chicken from China may soon hit the…

64 year-old Kenny Butler, a pillar of the community in his hometown of Chesterfield, Illinois, is likely some kind of sex freak, most of his neighbors say.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump now leads all other GOP contenders in recent polls on who Americans think should be the party's nominee for the 2016 U.S. presidential elections. The Adobo Chronicles®  interviewed thousands of likely voters and put together this top ten list of why Americans think…

"Shame the black guy with a similar YouTube channel was shot dead by the police for that though. It looks sooo much like a gun..." Jessie Krufts, Police Commissioner

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - The Republican National Committee announced today it will be having all of its presidential candidates compete with each other to see who can make a child of illegal immigrants cry the fastest. The competition will be named "Only the Republican Who Makes a Child of Illegal Immigrant Parents Cry Fastest Can Truly Protect America," and will take place at 9pm EST on Thursday, August 20th near the El Paso, Texas border crossing.

ATLANTA (The Barbed Wire) - It's only been a couple of days since the SyFy channel aired the latest installment in the Sharknado franchise, but already plot details about the next incarnation of the show are emerging online. The highlight of the latest episode was getting to see disgraced politician Anthony Weiner.

New York, NY – Presidential candidate Donald Trump has faced the embarrassing wrath of a heckler more than a few times in past months. The controversial billionaire is seeking the White House as his newest mansion and acquisition.  

DALLAS, Texas (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The governing body of the Boy Scouts of America voted Monday to end its decades-long ban on gay scout leaders. The organization's national executive board, meeting in Texas, concluded that the policy of excluding gay adults "was no longer legally defensible."  While the national ban is gone, local scouting units…

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - After just ten days since his sold-out concert in Manila, Grammy Award-winning singer Chris Brown has been invited back to the Philippines. Brown is currently in Israel as part of his concert tour. The unprecedented invitation came from no less than Leila De Lima, Secretary of the Philippines'…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, civically-challenged Americans across the country announced they were looking forward to Planned Parenthood being defunded after highly edited and deceptive videos were released making it appear the organization was profiting from the sale of aborted fetuses. Not only has this group of conservative and anti-choice Americans ignored the fact fetal tissue is used for critical medical research to combat diseases like ALS, but it also believed a Senate vote expected as early as Monday would defund Planned Parenthood all on its own and forever.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News announced Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie will stand next to each other during Thursday's debate hosted by the network. The announcement met with condemnation from the eight other participating Republican candidates, as it broke the debate rule stating candidates would be positioned based on their national poll numbers.

Lead poisoning in the water didn't do it. Running out of fresh water to distribute didn't do it. But the Governor is optimistic that the new outbreak of Legionnaires' disease "will make it happen."

CUPERTINO, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - It's that time of year when Apple takes center stage to unveil its latest version of its products.  As expected, all eyes will be on the new iPhone 6S. Apple will likely hold a media event  on September 9, according to BuzzFeed News. Apple hasn't sent out invitations just yet,…

"I bet $1 Donald Trump would approve of that." Kent Rugby, Political Commentator

"I realize this kind of thing has happened hundreds of times before," the Sgt. said, "but somehow I never thought that if I posted something racist it would be perceived in the only way it could possibly be perceived."

Ben Carson - the walking myth.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush announced his presidency would be a continuation of his brother George W. Bush's presidency in that he would send ground troops back to Iraq, reinstate torture in violation of American and international law, and make every other mistake made by his brother and more. Jeb promised Americans to ignore all of "the allegedly negative consequences" of his brother's presidency, and vowed to return America to "the golden age" of George W. Bush.