Millions of people who say they support Donald Trump’s presidential candidacy are heeding the real estate mogul’s recommendation that Americans follow his lead by being very judicious before handing over money to others.

Chicago, Ill – (satireworld.com)
According to the online news source most favored by clueless douchebags, the Huffington-Post reports that Illinois Congressman Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-Ill) accused Republicans on Thursday of spreading “outright lies and exaggerations” during the current border crisis, particularly statements that unaccompanied minors from Central America might be bringing Ebola into the U.S.

"You know me I'm all for shirtless dancing, but completely naked? It's a step too far." Kent Rugby, Dancer

A man who used an assault rifle to save a Hawaiian neighborhood from a flow of hot lava is being hailed as a hero today.

Seven children in Rancho Bernardo, California were cited for violating drought related water restrictions after neighbors reported their water balloon fight to police Saturday.

Corbyn unveils plans to combat British vegetable famine, whilst government denies plans for rationing and powdered vegetables. Greens welcome proposals to turn whole UK into giant market garden.

Two movies titled House enter, only one will leave (with its title) as Herman Davis and Robert Rau watch the 1986 horror film and the 1977 “it’s gotta be horror film because what else could it be” Japanese import to determine which film should be called House.

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - He holds the distinction of being the most prolific Philippine Senator, having proposed the most bills that have become law.  But it’s really more of a numbers’ game as opposed to the actual content or significance of his bills. His name is Antonio Trillanes, a former navy officer…

Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com)
Wheel of Fortune letter turner Vanna White, who has been playing “Hangman” with America for thirty years, admitted that she is functionally illiterate and cannot read any of the puzzles. White claims that “I just touch the squares that they light up, but I wouldn’t know a C from a V from a Z if they paid me (and they do pay me pretty good!).”

PORTLAND, OR — A year after tumultuous protests ripped through the United States over an epidemic of lethal police brutality, the left is now championing a bill to protect the names of officers who use lethal force from being reported in the media for as long as 90 days.

Despite recent Royal Wedding boosting popularity of matrimony in the UK, growing numbers of single people continue to believe in inconvenience of marriage. Consequently, wedding-themed magazine proposes self-marriage service allowing singles to walk down the aisle with themselves.

19th February 2019: President Donald Trump was applauded today by thousands of his supporters for shooting dead a member of the fake media.

God Is High As A Father-F'er (Offensive Language Warning)

Washington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - One can be carnivorous, vegetarian, vegan or Pescatarian. But the United States Depatment of Agriculture (USDA) has just released updated nutritional guidelies on what constitutes diets of Americans. The new guidelines classify  people who eat beef or chicken as vegetarians. In explaining the new guidelines, a spokesperson for…

Falling off the back of a truck, this X-ray clearly shows the vacuum inside Steve Miller's head. As Donald says, "Sad."

MIAMI, Florida (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Forget about Tim Kaine, Elizabeth Warren or Julian Castro.  None of them will be Hillary Clinton's pick for her vice presidential running mate. The Clinton campaign has set the stage for the much-awaited announcement and the choice of venue provides the best clue thus far on who Clinton…

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Florida Man Tells Police His Dog Shot His Girlfriend

Cleveland, OH – (satireworld.com)
Well, when the Republican National Convention started with a revved up crowd and speakers laying out the truth about Hillary Clinton’s dismal record of telling falsehoods, and manipulating her treasonous email record, you could tell it was only a few short hours away until the loopy-left would find something…Anything, to switch the focus away from Crooked Hillary.

48 year-old Rick Motter of Sarasota, Florida etched the letters 'JO' into the back of his hand with a ballpoint pen this morning, a quick reminder to his future self to masturbate later in the day.