During a news conference in which he insisted he had nothing to do with the recent hacking of Democratic National Committee emails, Donald Trump called on Russia this week to find Hillary Clinton’s 30,000 missing emails, drawing claims the Republican presidential nominee’s actions were treasonous.

Yes, we know it's an odd one. Bear with us. It's Saturday, all right?

The Prime Minster, Theresa May, has said the government is to spend some more time working on a poetic way to trigger Article 50.

The endorsement of Hillary Clinton by a former commander of U.S. Central Command has prompted Donald Trump to claim the retired four-star general is a “loser” for not figuring out a way to dodge his military obligations.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - In a shocking move today, Democratic presidential candidate U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont doubled down on his decision to continue his campaign for the presidency after a crushing loss in South Carolina to his rival former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Sanders baffled political experts by remaining in the Democratic presidential primary even though there were only 46 primary states remaining.

A federal judge this week released a local man who had been on death row for fourteen years after new evidence came to light showing that he was at the beach the entire time during the week of the murder.

The overgrown man-child still requires adult supervision at night time, and only immigrants seem willing to handle to task.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - No presidential candidate of a U.S. major party has ever died or withdrawn before a presidential election and no President-elect has ever died or withdrawn after winning the general election, but before taking office. However, one vice-presidential candidate died after he was nominated but before the general election (James Sherman,…

“Not even a freaking phone call, man,” said Kryptonian immigrant Kal-El, who changed his name to Clark Kent when he arrived at Ellis Island. “The Times said I ‘wasn’t available for comment’. I was totally available. Cellphone on and everything. This is lame.”

Wow, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have decided to switch bodies in a shocking piece of political news that honestly makes a whole lot of sense.

NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - In the Pinhead Segment tonight, Fox News host Bill O'Reilly has lost custody of his two teenage children after it was revealed he had a history of domestic violence in the family home. Both children, 13 and 17, expressed wishes to live with their mother.

"At the risk of sounding nepotistic, there would be nobody more competent to serve at the UN than Ivanka, and nepotism would have nothing to do with it," the President remarked. "There would be absolutely no nepotism."

The House of Representatives voted 215-205 to roll back a regulation requiring internet service providers to get their customers’ permission before selling massive amounts of data collected from the websites people visit, including medical, financial, and other personal information. According to a White House statement, President Donald Trump is expected to sign the measure, which the Senate approved last week, 50-48, largely along party lines. 

SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) - Twitter account holders will soon have to say goodbye to their ‘retweets’ following a new bold move by the San Francisco-based social networking giant. First, Twitter suspended a network of suspected Twitter bots on Thursday that pushed pro-Saudi Arabia talking points about the disappearance of journalist…

In a statement released Sunday, the Environmental Protection Agency, Department of Energy and the Department of Housing and Urban Development announced the draft results of the first ever fantasy baseball league between the three agencies.

Responding to complaints from residents about the number of dead hookers piling up on their local beaches, Lindenhurst City Council voted this week to initiate a curbside prostitute recycling program.

Are feminist extremists out to demonise all single men as potential rapists? Tory politician makes extraordinary claim that men being forced to go gay or transgender in order to avoid anti-male persecution. Alleges that militant feminists plotting to have men treated like terror suspects.

Researchers have found that violence is up to 99% effective at preventing childhood sass-mouth if applied correctly, according to a report published in this month's Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology.

The austerity plan is due to be kicked up several notches when Osborne officially announces the next budget. All tax will be completely abolished in return for nobody receiving anything from the government.

Speaking of that Honduran caravan.

Here’s a question for you. It’s about that caravan heading thousands of miles t o storm our Southern border.
I’ll make it simple…. Where do they dump?
The Hondurans in the caravan, the 7,000 people walking north to America, where do they go to the bathroom?
How do they eat and sleep and store their clothes? How is it that after a week on the road they are clean and their hair and clothes are well kept?