Doctors say Patrick had enough cigarette smoke in his system to kill a baby elephant. Despite working tirelessly throughout the night, they failed to save the lifelong smoker who had begun to feel slightly nauseous after his 25th cigarette on one of his many smoke breaks earlier that day.
Calling their Cleveland Cavaliers team the "true champions", Donald Trump invited Kevin Love and Kyle Korver to the White House for an NBA title celebration today.
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom,
I saw on the news last night that Walmart is going to start doing breast implants.
I know that breast implants use saline pouches, and that saline is just another name for salt water.
Do you think anyone has tried to corner the market on salt water by buying up a lot of stock?
I think that we could get ourselves rich doing this!
Lefty Schwartz Flyspit, Georgia
I saw on the news last night that Walmart is going to start doing breast implants.
I know that breast implants use saline pouches, and that saline is just another name for salt water.
Do you think anyone has tried to corner the market on salt water by buying up a lot of stock?
I think that we could get ourselves rich doing this!
Lefty Schwartz Flyspit, Georgia
According to the UN (and other programs all over the globe), people no longer feel the desire to eat; or really do anything except stare at Bey.
Backstabbing Institute of America – (satireworld.com)
Jane Fonda, long called Hanoi Jane by anyone who actually remembers the 60’s in anything other than a drugged out haze, has been voted the top American Traitor in an independent news poll. The results of the poll, which will air on a new reality series to be titled “America’s Biggest Traitor,” had Fonda beating out such other famous people as Benedict Arnold, the Rosenburgs, and Aldrich Ames.
Jane Fonda, long called Hanoi Jane by anyone who actually remembers the 60’s in anything other than a drugged out haze, has been voted the top American Traitor in an independent news poll. The results of the poll, which will air on a new reality series to be titled “America’s Biggest Traitor,” had Fonda beating out such other famous people as Benedict Arnold, the Rosenburgs, and Aldrich Ames.
Representative Zinke ready to decorate the shit out of stuff
The tweets of the 'tinfoiled hat man'.
Facing the prospect of falling out of the Little League World Series after losing their first two games by a combined score of 24-3, the boys from Clarksville, Tennessee did just that Tuesday, dropping their match-up with North Platte, Nebraska 13-0 and embarrassing themselves and the entire Volunteer State in the process.
Safford, AZ- (satireworld.com)
The Federal Bureau of Prisons has released information that Jared Fogle, former Subway spokesman, has written and recorded several songs while serving in prison. Fogle is currently incarcerated in Safford, Arizona and is serving a sentence for having child pornography and for engaging in illicit sexual contact with underage women.
The Federal Bureau of Prisons has released information that Jared Fogle, former Subway spokesman, has written and recorded several songs while serving in prison. Fogle is currently incarcerated in Safford, Arizona and is serving a sentence for having child pornography and for engaging in illicit sexual contact with underage women.
Yes, we know it's an odd one. Bear with us. It's Saturday, all right?
The Prime Minster, Theresa May, has said the government is to spend some more time working on a poetic way to trigger Article 50.
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