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Gordon Gekko was wrong: Greed is not good. Get this. And get it straight. Gordon Gekko was wrong. Greed is not good. Greed is bad. Greed eats away the core of society like a golden parasitic leech the size of Manitoba. Or Saskatchewan. One of those Provinces or Territories or Protectorates or whatever they use...
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the White House refused to confirm reports the United States military had started to slowly back away from Syria immediately after Russia started airstrikes in the war-torn country. President Obama declared he "really hoped" brutal Syrian President Bashar al-Assad would not be saved by his Russian ally President Putin, but also confessed, "it would not be the worst thing in the world if Russia was left holding the bag in Syria."
From Our Politics Correspondent: Just hours after the new leader of the Labour party said he will never press the nuclear button, sources inside Number 10 are scurrying around trying to find the nuclear button, it became apparent when officials were seen scurrying around through the window.
There are some rather nasty rumors about me and my past stubbornly floating around out there. Rumors that would make even the most forgiving and open-minded person think I’m a horrible excuse for a human being.

The Fight For Your Right To Read Tabloid Horoscopes In China Award, August 2014

Breakdancer Magazine Horoscope Injury Prediction Of The Year, 2013, Ankle And Knee Section

Best Aquarius Synchronised Swimming Prediction Involving Ocean Vegetables, February 20
ROWAN COUNTY, Kentucky (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - How the paparazzis missed reporting on the 'secret meeting' between Pope Francis and Kentucky clerk Kim Davis in Washington, D.C. last week, is a mystery. Or perhaps even a miracle. Yesterday, lawyers for Davis claimed that Francis met with Davis the same day as the pontiff's historic speech to…
Facebook goes down. Dave struggles to cope.
Recently The Discord has fallen below its usual high level of journalistic excellence. As CEO I have identified the problem as the general weed availability in the Flagstaff area. Too much or too little has yet to be determined. In our recent Putin Syria coverage, we implied the Russian fighter was the adversary from Rocky II when actually he was from Rocky IV.…
Jeremy Corbyn’s first speech to conference as Labour leader has been broadly welcomed by party members. However, some have expressed reservations about how the suggestion that the Royal Family should be put up against a wall and shot will play with the wider electorate’.
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
The Red Shtick’s resident data nerd, Jared Kendall, has compiled some interesting statistics about Louisiana Gov. and Republican candidate for president Bobby Jindal.
Following 'Pig Gate', more animals come forward to claim sexual abuse at hands of senior Tories. Allegations that high level bestiality ring centered on South London city farm suppressed RSPCA investigations.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, Fox Entertainment Group, Inc. apologized for any confusion and announced Fox News was not a news network and never had been. The parent company of the non-news network declared Fox News was actually a bold reality show giving Americans a live look into the world of people so mentally ill they needed to reside in a mental health facility for the safety of others and themselves.
Local fast-food worker Darren Grossebite, 24, who drives a beat-up 1991 Suzuki Swift, obviously has a large cock, according to onlookers familiar with the inverse correlation between the size of a man’s vehicle and his penis.
TLC's latest reality television series, "Tipsy Tyler", garnered 2.5 million viewers for its debut last night.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - House Oversight Committee Chairman Jason Chaffetz (R-UT-03) denounced Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards' "uncooperative attitude" during the Planned Parenthood hearing earlier today. Chaffetz and his male Republican peers were very critical of Richards for denying that abortion led to an "angry, raging vagina" that killed the stork created by God to deliver the child to its parents.
Hipsters everywhere are refusing to get excited about the discovery of water on Mars until they know whether it is San Pellegrino or not.
The head of the Louisiana Republican Party is actively urging Kentucky Sen. Mitch McConnell to resign from his job as majority leader of the U.S. Senate.
There needs to be crap on TV. If all of it were good, we wouldn’t appreciate most of it, or we’d overappreciate all of it.
CARY, Wyoming--Nancy Maines, a 24 year-old project manager, is apparently experiencing a heavier than normal menstrual cycle this month, her colleague Josh Simon reports.  Maines recently filed a grievance with human resources accusing Simon and his supervisor Danny Kurtz of making sexist remarks. "Nancy's definitely on the rag," Simon claims, "Or at least PMS-ing like…

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