“Dear Kim. Can I call you Kim? It’s a girl’s name. Can I still call you that? I’d like to call you that. My people have a problem. Great people. But people with problems. The problem? Fake News..."

In 1555, a French Renaissance occultist and seer, the famous Nostradamus predicted entertainer Michael Jackson's death hundreds of years into the future with uncanny accuracy. Noe read the actual verse yourself!

Who or what are behind Radio Midnight, the mysterious phone in radio station which has allegedly been terrorising unsuspecting Britons in dead of night? Up and down the country there have been reports of phones ringing during the witching hour, with anyone answering them finding themselves confronted by the so called ‘Night Caller’, who claims to be from Radio Midnight.

Bank of America Corp. launched its new and improved “honesty campaign” yesterday as part of a nationwide strategy to win back its soul.

The student, James Whatley, had been steadily building the pile of dirty dishes over the course of many months.

Ottawa Canada
Justin was conceived via the notorious Withdrawal Method of family planning,” Middle East geneticists claimed today amid an escalating Saudi-Canadian diplomatic spat, that’s why he’s called Just-In, his Pa couldn’t get out in time.

Physician and U.S. Senator Bill Cassidy made medical history last week by managing to detach a pair of terms that were previously believed to be inextricably synonymous.

AOL, Yahoo!, and CompuServe made up the three biggest internet companies of the 90s. It’s believed that Verizon must have access to a time machine which they plan to use to go back to the 90s and dominate the early days of the world wide web.

The Cooking Channel – (satireworld.com)

As crazy as it seems, cooking and love of food has caused one of the strangest hook-ups in the history of celebrity relationships….Cooking and lifestyle guru Martha Stewart meets street wise pot smoking Snoop Dog!

Multiple credible sources have confirmed that Tootnanny, who served as Air Sex National Champion through most of 2015, has been suspended from this year’s competition for testing positive for a banned substance, and people who claim to be close to him say this isn’t the first time.

  MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - Singer Bruno Mars was the subject of heated Twitter disccussions this weekend, after he was accused of ‘cultural appropriation.’ Mars, who is half-Filipino, came under fire as part of an online roundtable discussion which saw writer Seren Sensei hit out at Mars — like sour grapes —for appropriating black…

Philadelphia PA – (satireworld.com)
The Democratic National Committee (DNC) has claimed that their confidential files were hacked of very incriminating emails about dirty tricks (shades of Republican President Richard Nixon). These shenanigans were for rigging the Democratic primary elections against Hillary Clinton’s socialist challenger Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT). The DNC then made DNC chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz the scapegoat.

Muffinville, AZ – (SatireWorld.com)
Pampered snot-bag and full time RINO, Meghan McCain threatened to cutoff all and any affiliation with the Republican Party after talks fellow View panelists who placed the blame on Republicans for Hostess Brands shuttering its Twinkie plant doors in Texas as a long standing result of union unrest. Her apparent unhappiness with Republicans and Trump in particular spilled over during her eulogy at her late father’s 17th funeral event in 10 days with a very personal attack on President Trump.

Trump will leave Mar-a-Lago and the Trump International Golf Club to visit the White House and spend some time relaxing in the Oval Office.

Washington DC – (satireworld.com)
The US has suffered natural disasters such as tornadoes, hurricanes, brush fires, forest fires, floods and earthquakes. Some insurance companies refer to these events as acts of “God” in order to avoid damage payments to their customers when such an event happens. Others increase premiums to cover such acts of “God!”

After years of intensive research, scientists are positive that despised GOP frontrunner Ted Cruz and equally despised former prosecutor Ken Kratz might are the same person it was announced last night.

The rules and guidelines for the annual “Throw a Paper Airplane at a Mosque Day” commemoration of 9/11 will take place on 10/11 this year. The quiet and peaceful demonstration has quickly spread across the United States in memory of the tragedy of September 11th, when Moslem terrorists hijacked four planes and killed thousands of people (to spread the peaceful message of their religion).

The Red Shtick’s resident data nerd, Jared Kendall, has compiled some interesting statistics about Louisiana Gov. and Republican candidate for president Bobby Jindal.

McDonald’s CEO, Steve Easterbrook, held a press conference yesterday to finally acknowledge a condition that millions and millions of customers around the globe have had to struggle with for years, sometimes decades: McRegret.

RIO DE JANEIRO (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Rio de Janeiro confirmed reports it will be offering hazmat suits to all Olympic athletes competing in sports on Guanabara Bay. The suits will protect some of the world's best athletes from the tons of untreated sewage and garbage in the water they will be surrounded by.