Authorities have released the name of a fugitive responsible for a 7-state crime spree this morning, and it's your daughter.

There I was on the subway, minding my own business, when this skinny young thing who had been staring at me tapped my shoulder and said, “Excuse me, but I must confess that I cannot ignore your mass.”

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Saudi Arabia threatened to break up with the United States if Congress continued to ask questions about the Saudi role in the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks. Saudi Arabia claimed the United States was obsessed by the subject, and their relationship was being strained by its lack of trust in the kingdom.

Edging out ice fishing juggernauts Norway and Canada, which took home silver and bronze, the Estonians victory was secured when Urmas Kaljend hooked a 50-pound pike in the fourth drill.
































































 
Home
World
National
Opinion
Local
Entertainment
Home And Garden
Advice
Farts A

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles)  - Former presidential candidate Michele Bachmann  has proposed a ban on the sale in the U.S. of the Menorah, a candelabrum used in Jewish worship, especially during the observance of Hanukkah. She made the proposal as she called for an intensified effort to convert Jews to Christianity. In the radio program, "Washington Watch,"…

A $100 permit and microchip implant a must for iguana identification?  Too many iguanas?  Watch out.  Iguanas growing to be 6 feet long?  May live 20 years?  Terrorist iguanas?

A mass shooting that began outside a music festival in Dallas combined with another mass shooting at a nearby graduation party last night, resulting in a 'super-mass shooting' that left at least 200 people dead, authorities report.
































































 
Home
World
National
Opinion
Local
Entertainment

Did Mexico fake recent earthquake in order to defraud US and other donors of relief funds? US 'Shock Jock' controversially claims natural disasters are 'racket' on part of poorer countries to siphon billions of dollars from wealthy states.

AUSTIN – Pollsters at the University of Texas say that a compilation of polls from across the country show Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump locked in a satirical tie for the presidency. Results showed Clinton with a 45% – 43% lead....

The couple who was shocked to be getting married alongside Ben Aflleck and JLo in Vegas last week were just as astounded to find themselves sharing a divorce attorney's lobby with the same celebrity pair today.
































































 
Home
World
National
Opinion
Local
Entertainment
Home And Garden

The decision will allow the nation’s biggest set of morons to re-evaluate the vote made by another set of morons to ‘Brexit’.

A father who continually preached to his three children to trust their God to provide them with abundant finances is dismayed they continually spend more money than they have.

Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he counsels a convent suffering from the activities of a 'Bad Saviour'. Is a devil abroad as nuns claim effigy of Christ climbs down from cross nightly to ravish them?

Our readers' incredible stories of celebrity sex encounters! Did Rod Hull and Emu engage in a kinky three-in-a-bed romp? Did a young hippie really 'duke the Duke' in 1973?

The Justice Department announced today that hundreds of convicted mass shooters will be offered the opportunity for early release from fedderal prison as the government struggles to accommodate a steady stream of new rampage killers into the system.

CHICAGO, Illinois (The Adobo Chronicles) - Last year, Miley Cyrus sparked outrage with her Bangerz tour when she groped backup dancers and encouraged the audience to smoke marijuana. But on Thursday night, the former Disney star upped her on-stage antics, kicking off her Dead Petz club gigs in Chicago with a big bang. In one number, Cyrus…

Although he keeps a busy schedule making the world a more evil place, the Devil is glad to take time out to rule in favor of your bank.

Octopuses to sue after Donald Trump described as being all over alleged groping victim 'like an octopus'. Object to defamatory implication they are all sex offenders. Counter claim Trump is victimising them after 'grab them by the octopussy' remark.

Oxford, Alabama (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - A small Alabama city has passed an ordinance making it illegal for transgender people to use public restrooms that don't correspond to the biological sex listed on their birth certificate. Oxford Council President Steven Waits said the ordinance, passed Tuesday, is in response to Target's new restroom policy. The retail…

One week after the expiration of Title 42 brought masses of people seeking asylum in the US, border towns are now facing a surge of those same migrants seeking to flee the country.