ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles®) - During an interview this week with Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush, FOX news commentator Megyn Kelly declared she was an Independent, having voted for both Democrats and Republicans. During a phone interview with Glenn Beck, CNN anchor Don Lemon admitted he was a conservative. Today, both news cable networks said…

WASHINGTON, D.C.--As more Americans discover the extent of their long-repressed offendedness by anything associated with the Confederate flag, the Obama administration today announced that the current U.S. flag would undergo a makeover to remove any symbols that might lead Americans to associate it with the Stars and Bars. "The most obvious aspects we will have…

The sun took a massive crap today, unleashing a galactical butt-shower of fire into outer space that's headed our way.

BOONE, IOWA (The Nil Admirari): The campaign of Republican presidential candidate Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has been selling illegal fireworks by a roadside in Boone, Iowa for the last few days. Graham stated his struggling campaign was "thinking outside the box" for ways to raise money and allow Iowans to meet him in person.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Earlier today, President Barack Obama signed an executive order outlawing all forms of Christianity in the United States. Executive Order 60666 closes all Christian churches and seizes all Christian property, especially guns.

ISIS fighters living in Mosul, the largest city under control of the Islamic State, are about to get a look at Western culture, but only a peek.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, actor and comedian Bill Cosby announced he will run for president as a Republican. The producer and star of "The Cosby Show" believed the accusations he drugged and raped 40+ women over four decades will be viewed as a positive by Republican primary voters, because "I take what I want and blame the victims after exploiting them."

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, Fox News entertainers Bill O'Reilly and Megyn Kelly were detained by the New York City Police Department (NYPD) for stalking a black Santa Claus down Sixth Avenue and serenading him with the Christmas song "White Christmas." Fox News and the NYPD have both released statements declaring neither O'Reilly or Kelly was arrested, though witnesses claimed Bill O'Reilly came close to being arrested for "pushing his luck" with the officers.

Much ado about nothing has been made concerning the less-than-shocking revelation that “the bastard prince,” Gov. Bobby Jindal, runs the state of Louisiana by his mobile phone. In a prepared statement, Jindal’s office emphatically repudiated any suggestion that Siri was a counselor in the absent chief’s decision-making process.

Britons to be Banned from Sniffing Own Farts under new Legislation Cracking Down on Legal Highs. Warnings From Experts that Low Quality Imported Farts Could be Responsible for Serious Illnesses and even Deaths Among Fart Sniffing Clubbers.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, the Fox Broadcasting Company announced a new political reality show that will force contestants to work with each other respectfully to achieve common goals. "Work Together or Die" will take place in a wing of Bellevue Hospital in New York City, and boast contestants like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and Bill O'Reilly.

Anywhere, USA
For years now we have lived through the terrible tragedy of random shootings and mass murders at the hands of gunmen. Each and every-time the media covers the story for days on end and usually heaps blame via pundits or reporters on the NRA, gun rights supporters, gun owners and even retailers who sell guns.

TRENTON, NEW JERSEY (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, Republican presidential candidate and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie informed the nation he was going to be louder, meaner, and far more obnoxious. Christie blamed Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump for "raising the bully bar," and taking media attention away from his bullying on the campaign trail.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and emotionally unstable billionaire Donald Trump told his Caucasian supporters they will have lower wages when he becomes president, but not as low as groups like Blacks, Hispanics, and/or Muslims. Trump promised American Caucasians a reward for their ongoing refusal to join with Americans of other races and religious creeds to demand better wages and working conditions, namely by having those groups to look down on and feel superior to.

Wake up, America! Open your eyes and look around! This country has gone from the cock of the walk to a bantamweight under this president!

Japanese company Mitsubishi was criticised last night for saying sorry in a comedic Japanese accent, it was claimed last night.

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - It's official. Philippines President NoyNoy Aquino now holds the Guinness World Record for the longest State of the Nation Address (SONA). Aquino delivered his last SONA Monday night before a joint session of Congress. From his first word to the last, it took him two hours and ten minutes,…

Observers from around the globe were surprised and saddened on Monday to find that a giant shadow had been cast over the Earth.

Cecil the lion will become the first animal canonized as a saint by the Catholic Church it was announced earlier today.

CLEVELAND, OHIO (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Americans across the country confessed they were "very excited" to watch the first debate between Republican presidential candidates, which will be hosted by Fox News in Cleveland, Ohio at 9pm tonight. Nearly all Americans stated they looked forward to watching the well-informed Republican candidates debate serious issues, and were specifically looking forward to hearing billionaire Donald Trump's substantive policy goals.