‘I’ve listened to what the Labour Party members have to say and it’s clear they want Jeremy Corbyn as their leader. That is why I’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty and legally changed my name to Jeremy Corbyn,’ said Jeremy Corbyn [Owen Smith].
‘I made man and woman in my image – and they looked fantastic. Then I suddenly realised that they’d need to breed. I’m a bit like Action Man down the front as I have no need to breed. However, if I did have a wang, it would be enormous – have no doubt about that.'
The former London Mayor and current Foreign Secretary turned up with his tennis racket, dressed in his finest whites and waited for the other players to appear.
Dan is currently unemployed after completing a degree in journalism. He lives with his father, Eric, and mother, Barbara.
The group – which consisted of 23 men, women and children – took one look at the town and decided that they’d rather chance it back in their war-torn country.
The online pharmaceutical company allegedly sent Christie a monthly package of anabolic steroids as well as other performance enhancing drugs.
‘The smell was ungodly, it was all I could do not to dry wretch,’ said Rachel Haig, one of the unfortunate victims.
The ‘learner trolleys’ are part of a plan by ASDA to make grocery shopping more enjoyable and less stressful.
Peaty smashed his own world record in the final and won with consummate ease. However the result will not stand after failing the drugs test.
Hunt, the Secretary for Health, believes this will be in the best interests of both the NHS and its patients.
Three-year-old Maisie drew a picture of her parents in front of their house and handed it to them earlier this morning. Her parents, both art critics and artists in their own right, felt like the picture was a slap in the face to the pair of them.
The Women’s Beach Volleyball contest is regularly one of the most viewed portions of the Olympic games, and it’s easy to see why.
The vast majority of women are expected to vote for Hillary this November, but Monica won’t be amongst them.
Daniel Omandi, 27, is now the proud owner of an Art masters degree, a degree which will all-but-guarantee him a job at the local McDonalds. The low wage, combined with the crippling educational debt Daniel accrued, means that he won’t be able to retire until midway through his centennial years.
‘I’ve been a taxi driver for the last fifteen years and I’ve never noticed it before at all. It’s like it suddenly appeared over night. It goes up and down but I’ll be damned if I know what it does,’ said Saeid Herath.
Fans have been clamoring for Bega’s latest song ever since Mambo No. 5 was released all the way back in 1999.
Mr Tribble was able to control Earth when he stumbled across the Earth Emperor’s throne. Little is known about the throne except that whoever sits on it gets to control the planet. Usually it is sat upon by a member of a European banking dynasty, however it was left vacant as one guard explained.
Trump and Putin have become increasingly close over the course of the American election cycle, with both admiring the other man’s balls.
Greg Corner, 37, is a father of two, husband to one, and accountant to dozens. Despite the soul-crushing nature of his life, he never fails to greet people with a lukewarm smile, slightly damp handshake and inane small-talk.
Benyon, who stands to inherit £110 million from his family’s estate, decided that something must be done about the rising use of food banks in the country. He decided to chip in by hand-baking dozens of loaves of bread every day, but not before he’d added wealthy seed to the dough.