Jakerhodes

A case study of the Isle of Wight village of Whippingham, so called because of its celebrated spanking traditions, revealed that a sexual diet rich in buttock beating significantly improves one’s chances of a long life full of regular bowel movements.

The model turned actress had been accused of animal cruelty by several groups for the harsh working conditions she forced on her eyebrows, two ermine caterpillars she found during a walk in the woods.

The man, John Thomas, 34, was thrown out of his local Greggs after making a quip about how he should switch from chips to quinoa to help his waistline.

After only few short months together, ‘Swiddleston’ (as they became known) have decided to call it a day.

‘We looked at the most popular flavours of crisps and pickled onion was way up there,’ said a Durex spokesperson.

With Jeremy Corbyn odds on favourite to comfortably beat Owen Smith in the Labour leadership election, Corbyn will be free to mould the Labour Party in his image.

After being hit with months of negative press, Southern Rail are absolutely delighted to win the award.

John Travolta has admitted he’s been forced to seek medical advice for a condition that causes multiplying chills – a condition he has suffered from since the 1970s.

A photographic memory (also known as an eidetic memory) allows the owner to remember things exactly as they were when they saw them without need for a long study period or any other sort of memory aid. Usually this applies to everything seen by the owner, but Gary Couples, 38, has been able to use his talent exclusively to remember all the ladies’ sweater puppies he’s ever seen.

‘There’s never been a study like it in history, as far as I’m aware,’ said Dr Cooper. ‘It seems like every avenue of investigation just leaves us further from an answer.’

The former UKIP leader has warned that brown leaves are simply not in-keeping with Britain’s image as a green and pleasant land.

Velma Suddlington, 38, has appeared on various websites where her ‘revolutionary weight loss method’ has been called ‘the next big thing’.

Jess Phillips, who famously said she’d be happy to ‘stab Corbyn in the front’ to get rid of him, says the Labour leader cornered her in Westminster along with several of his cronies.

Lindsay, who works at ‘Full Time Mummy’, was simply amazed by her child’s ability to shit in a pot and felt it was something she needed to share with the world.

The man, Peter Simmons, 29, decided to film the event for posterity so he could make his friends and family suffer through the ordeal or watching it whenever they next come to visit. However far from being satisfied with using his mobile phone, shaky hand, and indistinct angles – Peter spent £3,000 on a professional camcorder and tripod set up and ran the birthing room like the famously demanding director.

The Queen has several bottles of bubbly laying around her palatial estate after this year’s 90th birthday celebration and is eager to taste of its delights, according to anonymous sources within her staff.

It is believed Gallagher was lured into the open with drugs and Hooch where he was shot at repeatedly.

Owen Smith was completely unaware he was in Scotland, not Wales, but didn’t let the laughter or mock booing stop his impassioned argument.

In an effort to avoid any further crippling budget cuts, the NHS will open its doors to weary travellers looking for an affordable place to lay their head down for the night.

The pair met in Mississippi last night for a public encounter in front of 15,000 people as part of a campaign rally. And it was in front of those thousands of people that Farage and Trump used their mouths to pump each other up.