A Baton Rouge man with anti-Islam sentiments and a Muslim player on his fantasy football team said he wants to see America rid of all Muslims after the conclusion of the current NFL regular season.
George Lucas, the director and creator of Star Wars, the wildly successful story of war in space, was forced to make a public apology last night after he went too far in an interview. But our experts have found he is much more quarrelsome than originally thought, as these nine other incidents show this week that were successfully kept from the press by his PR experts...
Lead poisoning in the water didn't do it. Running out of fresh water to distribute didn't do it. But the Governor is optimistic that the new outbreak of Legionnaires' disease "will make it happen."
And Trump had better think twice about being mean to any son of Barbara.
Despite stubborn opposition from their youngest member, the Peterson family of Willow Brook Lane in San Jose, California will poison themselves together this weekend after systematically destroying all their possessions, patriarch Dennis reports.
Tusayan, AZ – If you want to see the exquisite canyons Arizona has to offer, you better get there quick. Mouthfrog was out on the street today and a guy told us that soon the Grand Canyon will be no more.
Even though Kim Kardashian and hubby Kanye West are expecting just their second child, Kim has hired a tutor to help keep track. By Lee Mays, Humor Times.
Moline, IL – Bruno Pelchowicz is a lifer at Orkin Pest Management and has been battling bugs for nearly 20 years. Some of his co-workers joke that he doesn’t even have to spray some houses. He just stares down the roaches and they run away because they know what’s coming. Bruno has built up a reputation of being the best in the business. He’s called into some of the most serious and perplexing jobs. If there is such a thing, Bruno is a bug nerd.
LONDON (The Barbed Wire) - British solo artist and former lead singer for The Smiths, Morrissey, said today he thinks President Obama is "white inside" because he doesn't seem to care more about black youths who are having run-ins with police. To deal with his anguish, he says he's thinking about writing a depressing song…
White Plains, NY – April, Jaylene, and Chris asked their girlfriend Tanya out for dinner under the guise of a ‘girls night out.’ Their plan was an intervention of sorts, given the rate at which Tanya was drinking wine and sleeping with random men. As they all sat down at the table, Tanya immediately ordered 2 bottles of wine for the group and the transition was easy from there.
SPOKANE (The Barbed Wire) - Ethnically confused NAACP chapter president Rachel Dolezal resigned her position today amid the controversy over her not knowing which race she belongs to. Coincidentally, two other organizations revealed today that they have each received applications for positions of authority from someone with a similar name.
"Librarian, I would like to read A Tale Of Two Kitties, Phnarf."
Donald Trump’s hair said today that it won’t be running for the presidency unlike the dickhead known as Donald Trump upon which it sits.
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Sempra Energy declared the uncontrolled, gargantuan natural gas leak at its Aliso Canyon Oil Field was actually releasing desperately needed methane into Earth's atmosphere. The parent corporation of Southern California Gas Company (SoCal) asserted methane was "like vitamins for the atmosphere," and that over 2 million tons of vitamins had been dispatched since the leak started on October 23rd, 2015.
Buying groceries is already a pleasurable pastime we all enjoy — combining it with recreational math just takes a good thing and makes it all the better.
The FIFA Women's World Cup has been canceled. At 1pm PST today, soon-to-be-gone FIFA President Sepp Blatter announced that the games would be canceled after United States goalie Hope Solo "went completely ballistic and burned down Commonwealth Stadium in Edmonton."
JUPITER ISLAND, Florida--After several seasons of sub-par performances and pushing through various physical ailments, PGA superstar Tiger Woods is finally regaining his form and performing like a much younger man, according to several local prostitutes. "He definitely has his fire back," says Cookie, a dancer at Sensations, a local club, "He approaches every hole with…
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
Expressing disappointment about his narrow loss to Hillary Clinton in the Iowa caucuses, Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has vowed to continue fighting, recalling the time when Thomas “Steam Engine” Murphy seemed poised to defeat him in the 1950 Brooklyn all-city track meet.
Perishing pensioners the length and breadth of Britain have been warmed this morning by news that British Gas has seen its profits rise by 31%. One consumer said: ‘I’ve been rubbing my hands together. Partly with glee, and party because I can’t afford to put the fire on and I’d like to get some feeling...