President-elect Trump said that illegal immigrants pose a grave risk to America and that they have to go.
The Danish toy company agreed to stop advertising in the Daily Mail after pressure from Stop Funding Hate, an activist group attempting to stop ‘campaigns of hate’ by newspapers such as The Sun, Daily Mail and Daily Express.
Declaring moral bankruptcy will mean that America will be taken much less seriously at future international political gatherings. They will also be expected to do something incredibly brave and noble in the future to repay their debt.
With Donald Trump set to be handed the nuclear launch codes in the next few months, humanity should treat the coming cold of winter as a test-run for the nuclear winter that is sure to hit after Putin and Trump have their first lovers’ tiff.
After losing several favourite characters like David Bowie, Prince, Alan Rickman, Gene Wilder and Muhammad Ali, humanity lost a lot of what made it great.
Britain were red-hot favourites after voting to leave the EU months ago but America completely topped that by voting in a failed businessman/alleged molester/reality TV star with no political experience to lead their once mighty nation.
The charismatic candidate has appeared from nowhere with his promises to make America even worse, a slogan in stark contrast with Trump’s ‘Make America Great Again!’
The Union of Elves has been fighting for years to improve working conditions and for stable contracts with a fixed amount of guaranteed hours. Father Christmas has refused to budge on the issue though and now a strike has been called which could very well mean that Christmas will be cancelled this year.
The decision will allow the nation’s biggest set of morons to re-evaluate the vote made by another set of morons to ‘Brexit’.
The cosmetic hit its peak in the early-to-mid 2000s when the eye make-up allowed men to choose between looking emo, gay or like a pirate. It has since waned in popularity in the male demographic but is now being worn daily by millions of women.
Bob O’Haire, 38, has been using the same three terrible jokes for the majority of his adult life. But now he believes it might be time to shake things up and add a new joke or two to the repertoire.
The dog, whom belonged to Heseltine’s mother and must remain anonymous for legal reasons, is believed to have bitten the Lord after going ‘bad’ for no reason, as well looked after dogs often do.
Pence, the Republican VP candidate, had what was described as a ‘scary moment’ when his plan skidded past the runway in slippery conditions. Originally it was believed that heavy rain was cause, however witnesses saw Hillary Clinton stood by the runway testing her latest invention: the freeze-ray.
A huge explosion ripped through the tent and the show ended with all the hosts and participants trapped inside.
ASDA were the supermarket at fault after they completely ran out of all bottles of red wine over the weekend. Instead they substituted red grape juice for red wine.
The old adage ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ has been proven to be demonstrably false according to a leading team of researchers in Surrey and their 100 subjects.
The shit weasel made a nuisance of itself: running around the hospital and getting its deadly germs all over everything. Due to the risk it caused the patients, the hospital had to be shut down.
The three-year-old, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was stopped on her street after police observed her driving erratically.
‘I hear people call them warships and I laugh. These ships contain food and medical supplies for the people of Syria, they’re friendships. If you think they look scary then you should see our real warships,’ said the Russian President.
Trump is said to be outraged over the snub after believing he was a sure thing to win the prestigious award.