Jakerhodes

The report confirms what many have known for quite some time: that other people go to the doctor’s for the slightest tickly cough because they have nothing better to do with their said little lives; while you are a brave warrior who only visits the doctor when you truly believe that cough might actually be the early warning signs of lung cancer.

With 140,000 actual houses being built last year compared to 185,000 homeless people out on the streets, cardboard boxes are the new trend in alternative housing.

‘The contract will provide more NHS funding to pay top quality directors to tell us where the health service is going wrong. And patients will enjoy the top quality service that only Uber provides,’ said Hunt in a press conference earlier today.

The Prime Minister cut a lonely figure as EU leaders warmly embraced each other whilst completely ignoring her at an EU summit yesterday. But much worse than that, May has yet to receive a Christmas card from ANYONE yet this year.

Conservative MPs and higher-ups have each received a copy of a ten-page booklet on the latest Brexit plans as well as what they can and cannot say to the media. But the most striking thing about the pamphlet is that Comic Sans has been chosen as the font.

In a bizarre turnaround, President Barack Obama has asked for Donald Trump to show his long-form birth certificate after an initial CIA investigation concluded that Trump may have actually been born in Russia.

Hard-line Brexit voters are calling for Theresa May’s head after the Prime Minister decided to make the definition of Brexit even vaguer with the term ‘red, white and blue Brexit.’

Facing a life sentence for his crimes, Father Christmas might just have emptied his sack for the very last time.

'It wasn’t even close. “I’m not racist, but…” is always in the running for most used sentence prefix of the year but this year it absolutely curbstomped the competition.’

Yesterday, the Prime Minister claimed she was spending a lot of time talking and listening to God, and that He would guide her through Brexit. Today God went on the record to categorically deny those claims.

The foreman was given a manual full of guidelines on how to build an IKEA store from the ground up by brand managers. However the instructions became so hard to follow that the entire building crew walked off site and have refused to return.

The pit was dug so that Conservative Party members could legally dispose of any of their filth which now falls under the expanded ‘extreme porn’ law.

A middle-class white couple have struck a blow against racism by proudly purchasing a spice rack, according to reports.

Trump, Farage and Bieber make for three of the least popular people in the world, which is exactly why they might be able to work so well together.

Running down a list of changes he will make as President, Trump’s eighth change was to make women who’ve had abortions fair game to be shot.

Kanye Westworld cost over $200 million to build and was supposed to be a theme park where fans of the rapper could interact with robotic likenesses of Kim Kardashian’s husband.

Bill Moore (68) is a recognisable part of the town, having slept outdoors in public for most of the last twelve years. While he previously seemed to have accepted his fate and was just happy to receive handouts, now he wants more.

In what is being seen as a promising start for Trump Presidency, Abe said that he was ‘confident in Mr Trump’s ability to lead America’ after leaving their meeting almost completely unoffended.

Heading into a particularly cold winter, more cafes and eateries are passing off soup as a legitimate meal than ever before – and Brits are not happy about it.

May has been very firm on putting an end to free movement of workers to the UK, and she has a couple of firm points that she thinks will win over EU leaders.